For a while it seemed that all Nollywood would do all year was churn out bad films. These were the worst of the rotten ones to get a cinema release.
- Seven and a Half Dates
Anyone collecting pennies for every time Nollywood has rehashed the single unmarried woman experience and played it for laughs should be expecting millions in terms of dividends by now. Think of Seven and a Half Dates as a poor fellow’s Isoken, without the style or the smarts or the class. Instead of a resurgent Dakore Akande, Seven and a Half Dates parades the leading lady charms of Mercy Johnson-Okojie, who isn’t quite the force she used to be. The end product is uncharacteristically tame considering the talents involved. Terribly unglamorous and thoroughly unoriginal.
- New Money
New Money is a jumble of noisy scenes, clanging and screeching loudly with over-emoting actors doing their best to frustrate audiences. Then there is the extra-judicious use of pop music. Simisola, the debut album by pop star suffers the most as director Tope Oshin hides under its umbrella to cover a lot of her deficiencies. And they are a lot. The picture is pretty, actors even more so, but all that brightness does not even attempt to cover up the screenplay’s paucity of depth. The result is the film’s underwhelming ending.
- Power of 1
Who would have thought the day would come when a film directed by Izu Ojukwu would make the bottom of the pile list? Well that day is here and Power of 1 is that film. 2Baba is at that point in his career where his management can commission a film based on events in his life. They choose a very uninteresting one, the circumstances leading to his pulling out of the planned I Stand With Nigeria/One Voice Nigeria protest last year. Everyone involved seems detached. Why should we care if they won’t?
- The Ghost and the Tout
Ranting about all of the ways that The Ghost and the Tout does not hold up as a proper film would be redundant. It would be all too insincere too, as by this time, those who pay money- this reviewer to see a film produced by and starring Toyin Abraham know exactly what to expect. Hint: Not much. Truth be told, there is hardly anything to write home about The Ghost and the Tout.
- The Vendor
The Vendor doesn’t have a credible plot going for it. It instead relies on the physical presence of its star, Odunlade Adekola and the bulk of the film’s running time has Adekola moving from one clumsy set up to the other in a desperate search for laughs. Initially it seems like this isn’t going to work as the first thirty minutes of the overlong film is bound to test even the most excited of fans, what with the sluggishness and unsuccessful attempts at humor.
- What Just Happened!
We are all for actresses who are facing a paucity of film roles, taking the plunge to produce their own films. But when the products of these enterprises come out looking like What Just Happened!, Ufuoma McDermott’s latest vanity pageant- her directing debut, last year’s Christmas is Coming was just as bad- then maybe it is time to rethink that strategy. Directed by Charles Uwagbai, What Just Happened! Is an unfunny, derivate, uninteresting waste of time.
- Memoirs of 4
Memoirs of 4, an exploration of female friendships amongst adult Nigerian women is certainly shot like a television project. The over-reliance on dialogue, reluctance to get to the point and the multiple points of view stretch the film way beyond its welcome. It runs for a little over two hours but still feels like a lifetime. There is nothing new to see here.
Disguise is so erratic, it is hard to place what it exactly wants to achieve. It jumps up and down unremarkably like a yo-yo, moving from comedy to drama and then to faux reality tv. None of it works. The film requires superhuman levels of patience to be able to get through, all the way to the convoluted, senseless, not to mention, boring ending. The only thing genuinely decent about the film is Onilogbo Hakeem’s fetching make up work.
- Lagos Real Fake Life
Mike Ezuruonye’s latest is a mostly unfunny run through Instagram skits cobbled together to give the appearance of a feature length. Lagos Real Fake Life is what happens when people run out of ideas but insist on trying for a quick buck at the box office. No one is really interested in the hot mess that Ezuruonye serves up in the guise of filmmaking.
- The Bridal Shower
There is almost nothing good to report on this egregious piece of non-cinema. From the ugly poster to the non-existent writing and total lack of talent associated with the film both in front of the screen and behind. Billed as a horror film- obviously a sick joke, The Bridal Shower is what happens when people with no expertise convince themselves of the validity of their dreams and get together to make a film project unsupervised. It is still a wonder how this one got any kind of distribution deal. *Shudders*