What is Polyamory? Polyamory is the practice of or desire for intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the knowledge of all partners.
Is Monogamy going out of style? My answer to this would be no, but i also strongly disagree with the “one size fits all” mentality we as a society have regarding relationships. Some people aren’t suited for the typical monogamous relationship, but because of our “culture” it’s almost an abomination to do differently, so people are trying to fit square pegs into round holes when it comes to relationships.
To be clear, Polyamory is not the same thing as being in an open relationship, Being Polyamorous means having multiple relationships -there isn’t that one central relationship or partner as in an open relationship. It is also not the same thing as Swinging.
Zinnia from Poly Advice puts it like this:
“Polyamory recognizes that love isn’t a zero-sum game and it doesn’t have to be exclusive or fit certain frameworks to be deep, healthy, and fulfilling. It doesn’t assume that someone you click with sexually needs to be the only person you have sex with; or that someone you click with romantically needs to also be the person you live with, and things like that. Polyamory lets each relationship stand on its own terms, define its own boundaries, and meet the needs that it is able to meet, without requiring that a relationship include certain things (like living together) just because it includes other things (like sex).”
Hollywood’s famous Polyamorist, Nico Tortella when quizzed about Polyamory said:
“The fact of the matter is, we’ve only been shown one story since basically the beginning of time and that’s man, woman, and family — and that’s it.”
The idea of a “The One” is a big deal. Most people grow up expecting to meet that one person that is meant for them. We’re taught to desire and seek that one other person, that “soulmate“ that will make us whole and happy. And supposedly, when we find that person, we will no longer have desires for others.
Dean Spade calls this type of thinking the “romance myth” – the heterosexual monogamous romance that all women should naturally desire. We are in a culture that teaches us that monogamy is right and natural, monogamy is often not a conscious choice for people, but more of a default.
I’m not saying everybody should be polyamorous, but I believe in finding what’s best for you and what works for you and your partner in YOUR OWN relationship. Just as people are born gay, you can argue that some people are born non-monogamous. Some people find comfort in being polyamorous after having difficulty being in monogamous relationships.
Discovering you have the capacity to love more than one person doesn’t mean you have problems, it might just be who you are. Polyamory isn’t for everybody, but neither is Monogamy.