Everyone has sexual fantasies which may range from the very simple to the seemingly bizarre. Bizarre sexual fantasies are not limited to appearances as people that seem very quiet or gentle may surprise you (Christian Grey and Ana in ’50 shades of Grey’ comes to mind). The fact however is that a lot of men find it difficult to talk about their fantasies mostly because it makes them feel vulnerable and open to judgement by their partners.
More so, if your sexual fantasies are weird, you may feel awkward, uncomfortable and ashamed to reveal them. Keeping those fantasies in mind can hurt your relationship in more ways than one especially if you’re in a long term relationship. Not revealing them can make you feel more ashamed about them which may create a wedge between you and your partner.
Talk About Hers
Now you know keeping your fantasies to yourself is bad but how can you go about revealing them? Obviously, you can’t just blurt out to your girlfriend what you want or she’ll freak out. The best thing to do is to follow a less intimidating approach of letting her know your mind. You can try discussing her fantasies first which will most likely make her feel safe about what you guys are discussing. Using this approach is a subtle way of granting her permission to share her own fantasies.
Watch A Movie Together
You can watch an erotic movie with her which has some sex sessions. This creates an opportunity for you both to gauge each others reactions to the different sexual fantasies that play out in the movie. You can make comments such as “that’s great!” or “that move is crazy”. It goes a long way in sowing the thoughts in her mind.
Ask Her What She Likes
When you’re sure she’s comfortable discussing about sexual fantasies, you may want to go all out and ask her what appeals to her. The most important thing is that you make sure you don’t appear critical no matter what she says in response to your question. This is because she may have fantasies but may not be willing to act or play it out. Fantasies are sometimes there for the simple purpose of stimulating arousal.
Don’t Bring It Up During Sex
You can talk about your favourite fantasies all you want when she’s comfortable about it but NEVER bring up what you’re thinking about during sex. Bringing up questions regarding what you or her wants can intimidate your partner and make her get nervous. This may result in her avoiding the questions because she thinks you’re bound to get hurt by her answers. Talk about them when you’re both relaxed and snuggling in each others arms devoid of any undue pressure.
You most likely will feel uncomfortable when you talk about your fantasies which is totally normal. The awkward feeling you have is a pointer to the fact that your relationship is growing and you’re finding newer ways of communicating with each other.
Get Those Fantasies Fulfilled
Now you’ve gone through the tough part of letting her know what lies in the deepest parts of your sexual mind; the next step is to actually have your fantasy fulfilled— if that’s what you want. If you’re keen on pursuing your fantasies, find a good time (night preferably) when you can loosen up and indulge in what you’ve always wanted. Ensure that you and her have as much fun as possible. This can be achieved by knowing what turns each other on which will give you both a good chance of being happier together.