Abby’s Diary #5 By Fiksionist

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Dear Diary,

Abigail what is wrong? Why haven’t you come by d house or shop? Se kosi? Come by the shop today, we have to discuss.  

  Today is one of those Saturdays I just want to relax, take my feet up and read some of the books I bought to help me exorcise Tayo from my memory but Aunty Alero’s text message will scatter my lounging plan. Sigh. I love her to death, in fact, she is my god-mother and even better than my mother.

But here is the thing…

-Aunty Alero would ask you questions about everything and wants to know everything.

-She owned a bridal shop that made her feel like a match-maker of some sort.

+ I don’t want her to ask about Tayo because she never liked him.

But I have no choice because what Aunty Alero wants, she gets.

Ogama strolled into the sitting room- Wait! When I say sitting room, I mean a small, very small room with one window and a whirling, noisy ceiling fan- so, she strolled into the sitting room and settled on the floor with her steaming plate of jollof rice. “Seriously Abby, when you are done with Zara’s taunts, you should consider catering.”

I laughed and turned to my book.

“Come o, why are you reading all these books Abby?” She asked with her mouth full.

“Because I’m helping myself get over and exorcise Tayo”

She shook her head and I was almost glad when she bent over her meal but knowing Ogama, she would not let anything go.

“I think you have let him go but you have refused to accept that you have. Someone like me, I don’t need self-help books.”

I decided to indulge her. “You need a doctor not a book”

“Abby I no get time for men. Someone like Julius is just deceiving himself, when he is tired of chasing me around, he will borrow brain from his ancestors and move on.”

I abandoned my book on the couch and turned to face her. “Ogama what is really wrong with you? Julius is crazy in love with you.”

“But he is short and has small hands”

We both bursted into laughter.

“What is wrong with small hands when he is crazy in love with you? Plus he has money and he is cute”

“Exactly my point! Who wants cute? I want rich, tall and hot and Italian…like Angelo”

“Angelo?! Angelo is in America or somewhere in the world and has forgotten about you.”

“He hasn’t.”

You see how life is? You want something in whatever package it comes and some people have it and don’t know they do.  So Angelo is a guy- scratch that- an Italian hunk Ogama met on Facebook a year ago. It was a hot steamy long distance relationship until he came to Nigeria. Dear Diary, my room-mate was nowhere to be found for 2 weeks. She travelled to Ghana with this guy and then, when she returned, she was stricken! But Angelo returned to the hole he crawled out from and the Skype and phone calls reduced, the chat messages turned to single sentences from him and the burning fire became fading ambers.

All this time, Julius has been waiting with his small hands and short legs, waiting for my friend to see him. Like Kermit, I should sip Lipton and just mind my business abi? Butamebo will not allow me.

“When was the last time he called you?”  I asked her as she tackled the chicken bone in her plate.

“He hasn’t but I am sure I call him every time I use my vibrartor.” Ogama laughed so hard and scattered the remnants in her plate on the floor. I was too shocked to laugh sef.

“When you pull your head out of the clouds, please sweep the sitting room.”

I decided to wear a black tee, blue jean and female plimsolls to see Aunty Alero and immediately I got there, she said I had added weight. I waited in her office while she gave her girls instructions in the show room.  A few minutes later, she returned with roasted plantain and fish.

“Aunty you are saying I am adding weight but you are still feeding me with these kind of things”

Aunty Alero laughed and opened up a bottle of malt for me. “Abigail, ki lo de? What is happening? I haven’t seen you in a long time. How is Agama?”

“Aunty, which one is Agama again? It is Ogama jor.”

“Is that why you are frowning your face? Am I the one that told her to bear the name of a lizard.”

“Aunty na you sabi. She is fine.”

“And the possessed girl in your office, Zara abi Sarah?”

Aunty and all these names sha. “Zara, she has been inviting me to lunch and trying to be friendly but I don’t feel too comfortable with it. “

“Hmm. I don’t think you should be comfortable with it. She is possessed.”

I laughed and helped myself to the plantains. They tasted so delicious and I had to caution myself to stop eating.

“When was the last time you called your mother?”

Ahhhhhh! Not again!

“Aunty not today.”

“Which day then?”

“Aunty is this why you called me?”

“Abigail you are just stubborn like her.”

“Aunty, God forbid that I am anything like her. I would never be like that kind of person.”

“My friend will you keep quiet there!” Aunty Alero snapped. “ I know you are angry but you can’t continue being angry at her or at anyone. You have to call her. The last time I spoke with her, she said she is not feeling well.”

“Then tell her to go to her prayer house, the one she took me to when I just turned ten and they called me a witch. Tell her to go to the other one she took me to every Friday and they flogged me with brooms, that one that the prophet said I was a spirit child and I pursued all the men who would have married her.”

Aunty Alero came round and held me by the shoulder. See ehn, I wasn’t sad about the rift between me and my mother but I just didn’t like talking about it, it made me angry.

“Have you started going to church Abigail?”

“Aunty I don’t need church. My mother has known God all her life but has carried hatred in her heart more than Lucifer. She blames me because my father ran away when she got pregnant. She will never forgive me for losing a man who didn’t love her and I have stopped trying to understand.“

You see why I don’t like coming over to see Aunty Alero? I wish she could just be more like Kermit sometimes.



She is a writer, blogger, bathroom-singer and she loves to laugh. Her mind is her playground and if you want to know more… Visit Follow her on Twitter @loglilmary


  1. Fiksonist… this one is too short na….. but still Abigail seems to have a strong spirit…… loving the story so far.

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