I Love My Wife But I Still Have Feelings For My Ex

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I regularly read up on a couples site I really like. One is sure to always come across the strangest of reasons why couples fight, as well as many weird marital problems and relationship issues.

Have you ever wondered about an ex you loved but who left you? Maybe the reasons weren’t entirely right but you still loved them anyway. Well, here is a man who has been married for four years after dating his wife for six years; that’s a total of ten years yet he still has feelings for his ex.

Although he still loves his wife, he can’t help but wonder on the “what if’s”, at the expense of his relationship.

He begs, “What do I do to move on? Do I talk to my ex? What if she feels the same? What if she doesn’t? Usually I can make my own decisions and have control over my feelings but this one won’t go away”.

Here’s his story.

Hi

I’ve been married for 4 years and with my wife for a total of 10 years but on and off throughout our relationship I keep thinking about my ex, not just the odd thought but excessively. I dream about her every couple of months, I don’t dream about anyone or anything else on a regular basis like this.

I know I still have feelings for my ex whilst I do love my wife, I just don’t know how to forget about the ex and move on. This is becoming a really big issue for me now as its been 10 years of regular thought and dreams and I just want to put her out of my mind and move on. I should probably also mention that my ex is now married too, and we both have children.

What do I do to move on? Do I talk to my ex? What if she feels the same? What if she doesn’t? Usually I can make my own decisions and have control over my feelings but this one won’t go away.

Any advice would be appreciated as I fear this will eventually drive a wedge between my wife and I as my feelings for my ex seem to get stronger and stronger the more time that passes.

Usually it will take a few days or weeks to get her out of my head entirely but then I’ll dream about her or drive past her (we live within a couple of streets so cannot avoid it) and I’m back to square one and the cycle continues.

My wife and I get on well, I still love her very much and we still laugh together so I don’t think that part needs more focus, I just need to find a way to forget about my ex once and for all. I wish I could speak to her as I’m sure she’d tell me she isn’t interested and that’ll give me some sort of closure but that option is out the window as it could cause serious reprocussions which I don’t want. I need some other way of closure. – Anonymous.

Is it me or is everyone so in love with Adele’s ‘Hello’ because they have once been heartbroken and so the song is quite relatable. My two cents on it is, it’s just a song about a girl who loved a guy and had to chose at the expense of her love yet she never stopped loving him. She even went back to try and have one last chance. Hello.

Well, I’m not all up for calling him back to find out if there’s another shot at us. If I have to call, it has to be business. I never turn money away even from an enemy. But thinking of an ex or fantasizing on the ‘what ifs’ is actually quite normal, wank on them if you have to, but never ever beg back anybody who breaks up with you.

Read up on the advice he got:

Huddy,

I do think you might try banishing the thoughts as soon as they arrive in your head. Just say GO. I don’t want you! You are probably more in control of your thoughts than you think you are. The trouble with dwelling on nice romantic thoughts is that there is a reward in staying with the thoughts. But a dangerous one as it could damage for ever your family life. Could you spend more time and thought on ways that you and your wife might have fun and romance together. I mean re-ignite those early feelings you had for each other. What do you think?

Blakeblake007, 

It’s good advice and that’s exactly what I try, it will take a few days or weeks to get her out of my head entirely but then I’ll dream about her or drive past her (we live within a couple of streets so cannot avoid it) and I’m back to square one and the cycle continues.
My wife and I get on well, I still love her very much and we still laugh together so I don’t think that part needs more focus, I just need to find a way to forget about my ex once and for all. I wish I could speak to her as I’m sure she’d tell me she isn’t interested and that’ll give me some sort of closure but that option is out the window as it could cause serious reprocussions which I don’t want. I need some other way of closure.

Anonymous, 

“Still have feelings for”. WTF? Ŷou are a grown ass man, married and in a relationship for ten years. You have a fantasy habit involving an old flame, who doesn’t? But it does not follow,that you should ACTUALLY live that fantasy. Just put it in the wank bank. Get it out when you need it, but then put the thought back in the box afterward and live your REAL life.

Look, you old GF no longer is the sexy broad she was 10+ years ago. She’s had kids, she is married, and she comes with all that as part of the package. Why would anyone sane imagine that getting in the middle of that, and possibly risk disrupting HER family. That is no way to behave.

Besides, she has probably seen you driving past and likely wishes you’d evaporate. Girls have radar for such things, don’t believe for a minute she isn’t rolling her eyes or worse, telling her husband about the creepy ex who lives two blocks away. I have a feeling I know why she is an ex.

Here’s my advice, “Love comes when you believe in its innocence. Any emotion that is calculating and manipulative isn’t love and your ex never had love for you. People who love you, never walk away. It’s time to reject her finally”.

 

 

 

 

Photo Credit, BHM

Wendiva Blaze

Wendiva Blaze

I'm just a vibe you won't find anywhere else. That Sanguine Sapio-sexual. I Love 360nobs Pop Culture Journalist/ Publicist/ Presenter

5 comments

  1. We had been married for a while and things were OK, I was in love with her, she was crazy about me, but later on everything changed and by complicated exterior circumstances which did not have to do with us, we decided to pause for a while, but still remain friends. But in the end, she started getting cold: she treated me as if she did not know me, she acted too immature to the point where she did not even say hi to me when we bumped into each other (we had the same circle of friends). Of course, it hurt so badly, I wanted to kill her. Then out of nowhere she disappeared. I wrote her for her birthday and she replied little. Some of my “friends” saw she had left and started going cold with me too, as if it was my fault that she had left. The few that were still my close friends and still hers, told me she had moved on, that it was best not to make contact with her. Then out of the blue some months later she reappeared, but still acting like a douche. I was suffering emotionally of course, because we had never even had a divorce, it was just supposed to be a pause, so I did not know how to react, what to feel, what to do… anyway, she kept coming over and over on the weekends, and I had to deal with my “friends” who the moment they saw her, immediately left me and went over to her. Eventually, I decided to give up trying to restore anything with her as she was showing no signs of wanting me back, and started healing. Around four months after we had ended our relationship, I find out she is with another guy! That’s when I knew I had not gotten over her, because I cried, I was mad, it was just a feeling of “oh, poor me”. I could not stand losing her to some other guy, I decided to go diabolical (i.e. via spell). I got involved with a lot of fraudulent so-called spell casters on the internet who ripped me off my money without getting a result as to what I wanted. I almost lost my sanity. Just as I almost was giving up, one faithful morning, I received a mail from one of the spell castes I had applied for spell with but never got a reply all along. He made me to understand that he could not attend to all his costumers then because it was that time of the year for his annual fellowship with his ancestors for the renewal of his spiritual and supernatural gift. I told him not to worry about the spell anymore, that I was done with all of them fake spell casters. He assured me of his 100% genuine work of this gift which he possessed. I decided to give it a try. After spending about 2500 USD (which was due to my inability to provide a whole lot of materials which he needed for the spell process), I am happy to announce to the world that I have gotten back my wife and we are expecting our first baby. All thanks to Dr. Kene Dilli. All you out there tired of all these fraudsters that call themselves spell casters (seeking to rip were they have not sown) and you require legitimate spell for whatsoever purpose, contact Dr. Kene Dilli on his email address; kenedillitemples AT yahoo DOT com

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  5. Well.. Here goes
    I left my husband 12 years ago, we got married young and he was in the army, we lived abroad together and everything was great, moved home bought a house and it was all good, we then got new jobs, hardly saw each other and I got restless and had an affair, I left and he was gutted, he got with a girl I went to school with. We had a really bad divorce which took 5 years. He married her, they had a child who’s now 6. For 8 years he wouldn’t talk about me, he wouldn’t even hear my name been mentioned or be in the vicinity of a girl with the same name. 4 years ago he contacted me on social media saying that he wanted to put the past behind him, his wife knew about it and was ok with him putting it in the past.
    We would message for hours on end for a couple of nights in a row, leave it for a couple of months and do the same again, it always starts off about every day life, but then gets steamy. Last year we met for lunch and had a long steamy kiss before leaving, then met for tea a few months later which ended up in having it in the back of his van.. It felt so natural for both of us. He wanted to meet and talk but I said no because I respect the fact that he has a child. We didn’t speak for several months, then he messaged me again and it went back to the chatting.
    He wanted to meet back in October but I cancelled at the last minute because I love him to bits, have always regretted the split and didn’t want to get emotionally attached.
    We didn’t speak again until Christmas when I sent him his annual merry Christmas message, and the same for new year. He messaged me back on 2nd January, we messaged for hours until 2am, getting heated as always. He asked me to meet and on Sunday we met in the carpark of a shopping centre, I got in his car super nervous, there was a bit of conversation and then a knowing silence, the silence like you have when your a teenager in love for the first time. We got together at 16, and I know it felt exactly the same for both of us. After 2 hours of chatting like nothing had changed, he started to get really nervous and kept looking down at his hands, I could tell he was getting upset, and he knew I knew why. After 3 hours I left and we agreed to meet on Thursday, yesterday.
    We went to a put after work and had a couple of drinks in the bar before sitting down to eat, we always speak about his wife and child and I really do care about his life, I absolutely love this bloke to death and would hate for him to be unhappy.
    He’s always been honest with me telling me that I am the one that got away, and that he could never leave his wife while his son is still at home. He loves his wife I know that, but he’s told me to my face that he wished things were different and that I was the mother of his children.
    We spent hours talking, laughing and talking about how it should be.
    We had had loads of really deep meaningful kisses, which he started the first time, and he kissed me the same as he did when we were married.
    After 5 hours of having a great night I said I needed to go home and we agreed to see each other again but haven’t set a date, but agreed it would be soon, we have also agreed to go away together in the spring for a couple of days.
    We went outside and it was freezing, we sat in his car and looked longingly at each other and neither of us wanted to part.
    He said that if I stopped it this time it would all happen again in 4 years, I asked why and he said that we are magnets that will always pull each other together.
    So there’s my story bitch or not, you decide that. But please can you tell is this just a thing? Is it? We always tell each other that we love each other, even after sitting across from each other in court getting devorsed, as I walked I front of him down the corridor to leave he said I love you.
    He has videos of us from throughout our marriage that he won’t get rid of and she knows nothing about, he still has our belongings in his new house with his ex.. All things that we chose together, and not anything we bought separately.
    I would have him back in a heartbeat, and I would be the proudest step mum to his child given the chance.
    Please tell me that he is only in this for sex and I will stop right here, right now, but I know this guy absolutely loves me, I am single, I have no children and no need to get out of a boring relationship, I am free to do what I want, and what I want is him.

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