Friendzone HQ #9 By @Tomilola_coco

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Friendzone HQ

Part of the reasons she hated to be back in Lagos was the heavy traffic and chaos that came with it.

Sometimes, all she needed was a noiseless, easy and stress-free life. But she knew that was asking too much when it came to Lagos road/life.

She maneuvered her way out of a lane and steered her car in another lane, the driver she was trying to outsmart as she tried to force her way into the other lane was glaring at her.

But she knew the rules of “chancing” people in traffic and the most important part of it was when you’re being an asshole, don’t apologize. Don’t even act like you’re being an asshole. Just be an asshole, ignore the world and carry on like nothing had happened.

So she forced her way in front of the young guy on the lane she was trying to join and ignored the incessant honking and constant shouts he directed her way.

He had to have another thing coming if for some reason he thought she would gratify him with a response.

But in what was an unexpected turn of events, he pulled out of his spot behind her and placed himself side by side her, yelling at her from inside his sleek black car.

Oyin eyed him and returned her gaze to the road. He was going to need more than some fast and furious moves to actually get her to reply to him.

He honked again and this time, she looked in his direction and raised her middle finger up at him. He was stunned, unable to get over the shock before she accelerated and sped off.


Vanessa McDermott was not used to the Lagos life, she had been lived in the city briefly before joining her sisters in the UK and so knew scarce nothing about what Lagos was like on days like this one.

She had popped into the city unannounced, refusing to inform who she was coming to see because she did not want to remove the element of surprise and because she knew he was going to tell her not to come anyway.

But so far, that move had been threatening to prove disastrous. From the Airport, she had picked a blue cab that seemed to be in a good condition when she found it – the car was neat on the outside and the interior looked like it had been well taken care of too. The Air Conditioner worked perfectly well the way she wanted it to and the leather seat had been comforting, causing her to dose off at a point.

However, her comfort and ease had been fickle when they first ran into a Police checkpoint. The police had demanded for the Driver’s particulars, ID and a whole lot of other things Vanessa felt were unnecessary.

And after the middle aged man had offered what they demanded for, they still wanted more.

To her, it felt like they wanted his blood or maybe his DNA because nothing he offered seemed enough for them.

She’d heard a lot about the Nigerian police and their insensitive behavior to Nigerians and how helpless the average road user felt when around them.

And every time she heard that, she got angry. Because for her they were doing the opposite of why they were there in the first place.

However, she was also very aware of the fact that nobody wanted to deal with trying to make the force see that. In fact, she had learnt whoever did not cooperate was at a risk of losing their lives.

Vanessa had tried to plead with the Police Officers after thirty minutes passed and they were still stuck on the road.

But the Officers had refused to listen to her, and that was when she lost it and yelled at them.

She had first started with telling them they were useless and then adding that they should be ashamed of themselves and their conduct.

The cab driver had gaped at her in shock, clearly wondering if she had lost her mind. Then in one quick move, he had covered her mouth with his hand, trying to stop more words from coming out of her.

But when Vanessa was angry, there was nothing anyone could do about it. So she dug her teeth into the cab driver’s hand and continued with blasting the officers.

“Do you know who I know in this country?” she’d asked when one of the Officers asked her if she knew who she was talking to. “Do you?” then she went ahead and answered her own question, “No you don’t. Yet you stand here and have the nerve to tell me nonsense! I’d deal with each one of you scumbags and don’t even think I’m bluffing cos my accent isn’t all I’ve got”

“modaran, mo ti gbe were” she heard the cab driver say in Yoruba. And as much as she barely spoke a word in the language, she knew were meant lunatic. So she faced him and said, “you need me to bite that finger of yours again, yeah?”

The man had shaken his head and dashed into his car.

It was not until he zoomed off and she found her things standing by her on the side of the road that she realized he had left her alone.

And that was when she knew she was in deep trouble. She had no idea how to leave where she was and she was stuck with police officers who would lock her up rather than help.

So she carried her things and slowly walked far away from them, hoping to find another cab.

She had walked quite the distance and waited for over an hour before the first cab slowed down in front of her. It was a weather beaten yellow cab that announced itself before it got to her.

The sound coming from the cab could rival that coming from a tractor and the door threatened to fall apart when she got into it. But she knew it was her only option out of the place she had gotten herself.

She was exhausted, her recently pedicured feet covered up in dust, her well cut fringe sticking to her face courtesy of her sweat and her thighs aching from the distance she had walked.

Her throat was also parched, reminding her she was in need of a cold bottle of water.

The hawkers that lined the road selling soda were of no importance to her because she did not touch the “poison” they were selling.

She had stopped taking soda, flavored drinks and anything that was not good for her body for a while now.

She had long become a vegetarian and she would never be caught dead eating anything that would fatten her up.

That was why she was going to die a size 6 and she had a body most models on runways in London, Paris and New York would die to own.

She was slim, with a beautiful light skin that she owned courtesy of what she termed “a great way to live” lifestyle and she was not about to go off that just because she was thirsty on a hot day in Lagos traffic.

However, her day got worse when the cab she was in suddenly stopped in the middle of the road, coughing out smoke till it came to an abrupt halt.

Panicking, she opened the door and delved out of the rickety car, stopping too late to see if she had jumped in front of an oncoming vehicle.

Shahid saw her a little too late, if he had not been obsessed with catching up with the silly girl who thought she could drive like the road was her sitting room, he would have slammed his leg on the brakes and stopped before hitting her.

Now she laid sprawled on the floor as he hurriedly got out of his car and rushed to the part of the road where she was trying to stand.

Vanessa would never have dreamt that her morning would feature such drama and as she fought to keep her eyes open, on the floor where she laid in the middle of the busy road, she wondered what he’d think when he found out how far she had come for him.

“I’m so sorry…” were the last words she heard before the darkness overtook her and she succumbed to the unconsciousness that had now overwhelmed her.


Oyin moaned as Kolapo planted soft kisses on her forehead, her nose, her neck and now her nipples.

Throwing her head back, she bit her lips the moment his mouth met with her taut nipples, circling them and drawing them in.

They were in his office, making out for the second time in 24 hours. Since they left Ife and returned to Lagos, they had kissed numerous times and had been unable to keep their hands off each other.

Oyin had not said yes to his girlfriend request but she knew it was only a matter of time before they got there and made it official.

His head was going lower now and that sent shivers of excitement through her.

“Oyin” he called, his voice muffled by what he was currently doing to her navel.


“You’re delicious”

She chuckled and then moaned.

However, the knock on the door sent them both back into reality as Kolapo tried to hide the bulge in his pants while at the same time, opening the door.

“Doctors, there is an emergency…”

The Nurse who had come to deliver the message to them was known for her inability to look away from what she thought was juicy gossip and as her eyes roamed the office, darting from Oyin to Kolapo, Oyin knew she was trying to gather any form of information for her colleagues later.

So Oyin pushed Kolapo out of the way and dragged the Nurse with her, “Where’s the patient?”


When Vanessa regained consciousness, she was glad she was in a Hospital and even though she was surrounded by strangers, she was happy she was not left to die in the middle of the road.

Okay, maybe that was a ridiculous thought, but with the way her day had gone, she was almost prepared for anything.

A pretty young Doctor strolled into the ward, immediately followed by a young handsome guy a polo shirt and jeans.

He was trying to talk to the Doctor and she was paying him no attention, but from the look of things, he was not going to stop anytime soon.


“Please just call me Shahid”

“Ok. Shahid, please keep your voice low. The Patient does not need you disturbing her with your noise.”

Shahid could not believe her, she was going to make him look like an idiot when it was she who owed him an apology? If he had not been trying to get even with her earlier, he would not have been careless enough to knock someone down.

“So you go around breaking laws and refuse to apologize? Wait, who do you think you are, Tinubu or something?”

Oyin shook her head, “I prefer Buhari. He is the President, he would be able to get away with everything”

The scathing sarcasm did not surprise him. In a way, he was not shocked that someone like her had words like that for him. She had been unapologetic about her driving earlier and had even told him to fuck off after, she definitely was not surprising him with that sarcastic remark she had going on.

As she closed in on the girl he had brought in earlier, he realized she reminded him of his ex-girlfriend, Lola. That one had the same attitude, the same behavior and would definitely have reacted to him the way this one was.

“Hi, my name is Oyin.” She said a sweet smile spreading across her face. A few seconds ago that smile had been nonexistent, now it came out of nowhere and brightened up her face, illuminating it and causing her beauty to be more evident.

She was definitely like Lola hundred percent.

“My name is Vanessa”

“Vanessa, how are you feeling now? And is there anyone you can call who can come pick you up when you’re discharged?”

Vanessa managed a nod, she had texted him while the Doctor and the guy following her had been caught up in their little drama some seconds before.

“Here is…” Oyin looked towards Shahid, waiting for him to introduce himself.

“Shahid” He provided

“Yeah, Shahid. The guy who knocked you down…”

“Right after this Doctor here drove irresponsibly across the road.” He replied and smiled when he realized she hadn’t seen that one coming.

Vanessa’s phone rang, denying her the opportunity to continue to view the drama going on.

“Hey, yes I am” then she looked up at Oyin, “What’s this Hospital called and what ward is this?”

“The Hospital is Life Hospital, tell the person to ask for Ward 26B”

“Ward 26B, Life Hospital” then she hung up and waited for him.


Segun had come to the Hospital straight after his Interview to share the news of his employment with his best friend.

He had texted her and informed her that he was coming and he was bringing lunch and even though she had not responded, he had branched at Johnny Rockets anyway and gotten everything he knew she’d like off the menu.

They shared a love of burgers and chicken wings and he had gotten just that for her coupled with her favorite sauce.

But as he parked his car in the Hospital premises, Vanessa’s sms had come in, telling him she was in Nigeria and was in a Hospital because she had an accident.

He had been angry but at the same time had called to ask for which Hospital.

Now as he took giant steps and made for the ward she was in, he prayed to his Creator, hoping he did not run into Oyin while he was there and hoping to get Vanessa out of the Country as quickly as she came in.

But he was soon to find out that the odds were not in his favor when he found Oyin in the same ward as Vanessa, tending to her.

Vanessa’s face lit up in a smile the moment she saw him, seconds before Oyin turned.

“My boyfriend’s here” she said excitedly.

“Interesting” Oyin said the moment her eyes held his.

Friendzone HQ

. Tomilola Coco Adeyemo





Content Writer|Screenwriter|Coke Addict|Feminist|Amala Activist|Future Hero. Twitter&Instagram @Tomilola_coco


  1. See gobe,omo see Gobe oh,segun u sef,only you,Ada,Oyin now Vanessa, dem swear for u ni?just wen one thinks u’re getting better,another skeleton falls out of your cupboard…..Tomi thanks for this episode,ur creativity thrills me….pls dnt keep us waiting for too long for the next episode puhlease

  2. this shahid guy……hmmmmmmm!!! Hi tomi, first time commenter, hehehe but i have read every article you have written here! God bless you, keep up the good work!

  3. WOW WOW WOW!!!! lolzz am so loving this i just knew something was up with this segun all swagger guy……..good oyin as seen it, so no confusion now…….though not a team#oyinpo# the guy seem 2 weak for her. lemme c how this unfolds.weldone once again made my day.

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