Are You In Love With A Serial Cheat?
Being in a relationship this days seems more like a title than an actual commitment as girls will do anything to stay in a relationship rather than face the days and nights alone.
Some will date spirits if you let them especially if the spirit pays the bills.
What about when you ‘’mistakenly’ fall in love with one? ie a spirit I mean. One of those men who want to be with you but only if you accept he keeps his other women. And you have no choice but to accept because you love him or the gifts or good tidings he brings. I personally find it pitiful for women who tolerate a man’s infidelity just because of what you receive from him. So sad. But this is an article about loving a serial cheat and how low you must have fallen in the rung of self-esteem to even stay in such a relationship.
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Permit me to narrate this story (names have been changed).
Amanda is a friend of mine who I happened to really like and respect because I see her as one of the few intelligent women I have been opportune to meet. And by intelligent I am not referring to just books. She knows her way around basically every facet of life, be it philosophy, politics, fashion, health, religion, even sports. She is also one great cook, a great writer, avid reader, a poet (she quotes Shakespeare) and is really humble. What I don’t understand though is why of all the men she should fall in love with, it had to be William.
This William fellow is one cunning individual that only has proper diction (not fake accent) and suave as his selling point and he loves to hear himself talk. When you’re around William you would love to listen to him speak (as a diction lover) at least until you realize that he loves to hear himself speak and doesn’t allow anyone else put in a word during a conversation, at which point you just keep mute, begin to analyze him and suddenly realize you dislike him at which point you begin to fault his smooth words.
When he began with Amanda I wasn’t there so I had no idea how much ‘smoothness’ he had run through her creamy heart but all I know is before I met him, I had heard so much about him. William this, William that, William says this, William said that. At a point I began to doubt that this William was a human being and began to see him as a god of some sorts, until the day we met.
Amanda called me up and informed me William was in the neighborhood and had invited us out for lunch since she had told him so much about me. I felt honored to meet him. I mean I was going to meet a damaged, I opted for my best behavior (as always).
We went into the fast-food and as he hadn’t arrived yet, he called ahead and asked us to wait as he was running late due to traffic, so we waited. First question, who ‘just waits’ in a fast-food? After about twenty minutes and he was a no-show I began to doubt his credibility and asmore time passed my doubt grew louder. When we had been there for about forty-five minutes and he still hadn’t showed up, I told Amanda her boyfriend wasn’t going to show up and she said I should chill since I knew how Lagos and its traffic could be, so I ‘chilled’.
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This young man left us there for almost two hours with the ‘I’m stuck in traffic line’ and my girlfriend accepted it as normal. I didn’t complain further. I mean who was I. Na me hear ‘fast-food’, my ear ring, na me wake sleeping lion. This dude came horribly late, after making us endure side-long glances from staff members of the fast-food who were wondering what two beautiful, well-dressed girls were doing just waiting about for hours. I kept myself busy by writing down articles on my tab.
By the time the young man got to finally take a seat opposite me and beside his girlfriend Amanda, it was almost 2-hours and I had drank two bottles of plastic-sugar just to pass time.
When he settled in and said his greetings and apologies, I totally seemed cool cos he really did speak very well. That kind of proper diction could get you forgiven of anything in my book. He finally asked us to order up, alas, he made my day. I ordered to my hearts delight (escort benefits), sat down and began eating. I left the space for Amanda and William to talk privately but I couldn’t help but overhear their conversation as they were sitting behind me. Amanda kept apologizing for something I didn’t know or care about, but the apology just seemed too repeated. He always had something to say to which she had an apology to. For the entirety of the lunch, I don’t know if they even talked besides him complaining and her apologizing.
It was time to leave, we walked back to his car and when Amanda made an effort to get into the front seat, he categorically asked her if he had told her she could seat at the front passenger seat and she kept mute. It was obvious to me, he enjoyed dominating her and despite Amanda’s intelligence she was quite meek for him, so I kept quiet and made a move to take the back seat.
William told me to seat where Amanda ought to since we both couldn’t seat at the back seeing as he wasn’t our driver and I flatly refused. I insisted Amanda seats up front or we both seat behind. Worst case scenario, we take a cab. William obliged, and told us to do as we pleased and said we should take a cab instead then he got into his car.
I didn’t come out with enough cash (one of those days you regret not having vex money) as I had already spent what I had on buying bottled-sugar while we waited for him, I asked Amanda if she had any money on her and she replied no, I hurriedly went to William, opened his side of the door and politely told him we needed cab-fare home and he looked at me like I was insane. He refused to give us money. I couldn’t help but wonder where Amanda had met this specie of a man. I told him I would raise an alarm that he had brought us out to lure us to a strange location for only God knows what and when we refused going with him, he refused on giving us t-fare to at least get back to our destination as he planned on leaving us stranded so he could stalk us, pick us up later when it was really late and we hadn’t made our way home yet. I knew it was a long short, but I also knew the last thing he wanted was to cause a scene so he gave us cab fare and drove off.
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All through the drama, Amanda was mute. When we managed to make our way to my place, I decided to demand the truth about William from her as I wasn’t of the opinion any self-respecting male who likes or even respects a woman even when she isn’t a sexual or emotional interest would treat her with such disrespect.
That’s when she confided in me on the truth about her relationship with William . They had been dating for eleven month, he had cheated on her severally while they were dating plus he keeps on breaking up and making up with her on several occasions. The worst part was the part where she had to be the one to beg in order to get him back even after his philandering ways. She had accepted his infidelity as a bargain for their relationship to continue.
All the while we were waiting, he was with another girl and she knew. That was what they were arguing about and when she tried talking about it, he said he would walk out, in order to save face with me; she had to beg him to stay all through lunch.
She was in love with a serial cheat and she needed help to get over him. I was stunned. I have heard and read of many things in my life and journey as a writer, speaker and mentor but this was just at the top of ridiculous. How could you deliberately be with one who treats you like vermin and on top of that cheats on you too yet you tolerate it because you ‘love’ him?
I knew she needed help and needed it fast but I didn’t know how to go about getting it for her so I decided to have a seat-down with the subject. Mainly to deduce what it was that attracted her to him in the first place.
The cause of attraction interestingly is always the anchor of a relationship and acts as a determinant on the length and depth of a relationship; That’s why you find many people involved with beings who baffle you. Because there is an attraction only they understand.
A guy who dates several girls is attracted to each and every one of them on a different level. He might be attracted to Amanda because she is a challenge to him intellectually, while attracted to Cynthia because of her looks or Jane because of her sense of style. Till he finds the one who has the attraction in one vessel he would keep his shirts hanging in every girls closet.
I needed to find out what Amanda was attracted to else I wouldn’t be able to just give her any helpful advice.
On the fateful day of the seat-down, Williams showed up in time. He was punctual and extremely well-mannered. He showed me the side of him that I found extremely attractive. It was interesting to note that he’s a well-grounded player who knew all his cards and knew how to play them well.
He accepted he was a serial-cheat with Amanda and had tried breaking up with her severally and since she refused to let him go, he had no choice but to treat her the way he did; although he claimed not to like the feeling as he actually used to care about her. I tried to find out what changed regards his feeling towards Amanda, he said, ‘she stopped being a challenge to me’.
He was attracted to Amanda’s intelligence and Amanda let go off the only thing he was attracted to, so it just made him seek for the attraction elsewhere. Not reasonable enough to me as a woman but one with the mindset of a man, I understood his point. Men love a challenge. They want a woman who can poke their mind as well as give them space to breathe but they want a woman who is a mirror and a mystery all wrapped in one. Amanda was a mirror, an open book. She wasn’t mysterious enough for him.
When I asked him if the relationship was going to lead anywhere, he said he highly doubted it. He had told Amanda to move on with her life but he still didn’t know why she was hell-bent on believing they would be together if she tried hard enough to win him back. He just wasn’t interested anymore and he needed Amanda to understand that.
I would leave out the part where he tried to hit on me.
I went back to Amanda and tried to help her as best as I could but first I had to tell her some hard truth(s) and they were nasty.
This is for all the Amandas’ out there in a crappy relationship with anyone they care about or really love and you find out that no matter what you do it’s never good enough yet you love them anyway, you stay in there, hanging, hoping and praying that they’ll turn around and realize how much you love them.
First you must accept you have a problem. You have a problem with self-esteem. You lack self-worth. You have no self-respect so you hold onto the only lifeline which makes you feel good about yourself and you aren’t ready to let go even at the risk of your dignity. You are ready to ride it out despite how worthless they treat you. You hope they will change and this hope makes you still hang on.
You are making a big mistake because you must first protect yourself before anyone can offer you protection. You must first value, cherish, and honor yourself before anyone can do that for you. I mean, how’ll you even know what being loved, cherished and respected feels like if you don’t even have that with yourself personally?
Secondly, you have no hope. Hope is never wasted on futile venture. That is merely a waste of time. There’s a difference in waiting in faith and wasting your time. What you are doing is wasting your time not waiting in hope or faith. You must accept you have no hope where this person is concerned as that’s the only way you can reorganize your mind and do better with your time so you begin to hope on things that are achievable and not time-wasting. You must understand the meaning of hope and faith as with this new found knowledge comes self-freedom.
You wait around hoping they realize you exist. You wait around hoping they’ll realize you love them. You wait around hoping they’ll realize you cherish them. Such a perfect waste of time. Time you don’t even have. Time that you could spend doing productive things that would pay you in cash or reward you with wisdom or enlightenment. You waste it on a mere mortal that will die at any time and there’s nothing you can do about it or will you follow them to the grave in the name of love?
Thirdly, it’s a pity you are so pitiful. You’re a despicable person to let someone treat you so despicably. You must be. You must have consciously or unconsciously accepted yourself as a worthless piece of shit and that’s the only reason why you deliberately allow a human who can die tomorrow take so much of your dignity and you don’t even fight back to reclaim it. Instead you bow down in shame. Permitting them to take away bits of you one piece at a time. The truth is no one will treat you in a manner which you don’t permit.
Shameful, Despicable, Pitiful you. And you don’t deserve pity. Because there are hundreds and thousands of people out there fighting for their lives in hospital beds and surgical wards yet you are so weak you can’t even find the courage to fight for your heart.
Fourthly, you have no self-love. You don’t love yourself enough to fight for what you deserve which is to be loved like you are loving. When you love someone and they don’t love you back in return, take back your love and love them from a distance. Not because you stop loving them totally but because you know what love is and love doesn’t hurt. Not deliberately. If someone is deliberately hurting the love you are showing them, then that love isn’t for them; they give up the right to deserve it.
Love compliments. Love unites. Love inspires. Love hopes. Love nurtures. Love gives life. Love doesn’t cheat on you and shove it down your throat. Anyone doing that to you doesn’t love you and if you are staying with someone who is doing that to you in the name of love, then that isn’t love but something you alone know because love can never ask you to do what it can’t do on its own.
The fifth and final blow. You must survive the pain and it would hurt like hell. A heart that loves truly will hurt truly when the love is lost. Know this and you will be five steps closer to healing yourself and setting yourself free from an emotionally-abusive relationship.
You’re in a perpetual state of emotional dilemma. Always sad. Always in pain and you feel that way because you are attracted to this person on a very deep level and that’s love. Good. Now, they have lost the attraction to you, they don’t want you anymore but you want them back, how do you go about it? You go about it in the manner an extra-ordinary person would and that is by loving yourself first, second and last. By believing that you have more than enough love to share to the next person who would come your way if they deserve it because you have already been down that road once and already know what you want and what you won’t tolerate anymore. You know how worthless you felt before. You would never subject yourself to fall back that far again.
Love yourself and the one who will love you just as you deserve will come your way. You deserve to be loved.
Not everyone will have it so don’t expect it from everyone who comes to you but you have to believe that you will get it before it even comes your way so that when it finally arrives, you will be ready to grasp what belongs to you.
Live, Love, Learn.
Photo Credit, Baucemaghttps://www.360nobs.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/bbb4685bffbf3afd906637936b69366d.jpg