Many parents still haven’t caught up on the proper way to talk to kids about the issue of sex. Those who have tried have failed woefully as teenage kids find it disgusting to talk about sex with their parents. You find them wincing when they hear their parent mention the word ”SEX” like it’s an absurdity and they would only tolerate talking about it with their peers but with their parents? Hell Nah!!
While monitoring the kind of movies your kids watch, or the lyrical content of music on their mobile playlists or Ipod, and being watchful of Toys You Might Not Want Your Child To Play With, the SEX talk is basically a no-go.
While some parents are extra cautious on having the sex talk with their kids, others are not only having the talk just to avoid being one of the Parents That Gets Into Fights With Their Teenage Kids, they are also opening up their homes as a place for the sex to happen. Research has proven that children raised in homes where sex can be openly discussed are more able to abstain from premarital sex, avoid STDs by always using a condom and generally avoiding abortion.
I stumbled upon this article on reddit which I found interesting and enlightening and had to share. The feedback also was very educating as families who openly discussed about sex with their teenage kids revealed that communication with their kids generally was smooth and easier unlike those from families where they kept sex as a hush hush.
On my own personal experience as an elder sister wondering how to have the sex talk with her 16-year-old baby sis, I had it raw. I didn’t mince words.
I told her ‘Don’t have sex because everyone is having it or because your friends seem to think it’s cool and if you haven’t had sex you can’t ‘feel among’ therefore you don’t belong. Don’t mind them. Pay them no attention. If you ever want to have sex just make sure it’s something you want to do on your own, lest you turn around in future and say anyone used your head. I was almost twenty before I had my first sex and since you usually say I’m your role model, follow my steps, although it wouldn’t be easy. But it’s doable. I did it, so can you”.
Last I checked, she still hadn’t had sex and I hope it goes that way till the next four years. She read my article on ”Get Laid, Get Paid”, where I wasn’t promoting prostitution but rather was awakening the minds of young girls to not fall victims to the sweet nothings of boys or players who know how much attention teenage girls crave from the opposite sex and how far some of these girls would go to keep it, including giving up sex just to ‘feel cool’ with the boy.
Teenage boys of nowadays even define the relationship via if you have given up sex to them, that’s why I said ‘get laid, get paid’. If he can’t support you financially, what happens when you get pregnant by a ruptured condom? He encourages you to have your first abortion? Because that’s the next step. And how many more will you have down the line before it’s time to give your body to one man forever. You could lose your womb and/or die from an abortion experience. Would it be worth the pleasure then?!
When you read up on most girls turned women who have abortion experiences, 98% aren’t with the boy/man they had the abortion for and they’ll tell you the same thing. It wasn’t worth it. Any guy who’ll ask you to abort a baby or take pills to stop you from getting pregnant loves you only for the sex but he isn’t ready to go down the long road with you. Code-word, you’re good for sex but you ain’t good for the baby.
Plus, he probably isn’t even ready for such act, why then should you have sex with a boy who wants sex but isn’t ready for the responsibilities that might arise?! As for those men who pry on teenage girls for sex and use their attention for fatherly affection against these teenage girls, well, you’ll have daughters of your own. That’s all I have to say to you. Use your head.
The problem also lies when these teenage girls especially lack the love, care and attention they need from male figures in the home ie their fathers and brothers thereby making them easy prey to any male figure who gives them that attention outside. They feel loved, cared for, and they have to pay to keep the boy/man(s) attention by giving up sex. Yes we all know virginity isn’t all the hype, but if you’re a girl who hasn’t had sex and you’re wondering if you should or shouldn’t; well my two cents on the issue is, Don’t. If you’re presently active sexually, Stop! Get Tested! Reorganize your life! It’s never too late to wake up in truth as long as you stop living a lie.
Fact is, you will most likely fall out of love with who you give it up early to. I still keep in touch with the guy who took away my virginity but looking back now, it wasn’t worth it. I would have loved to get it back and give to the one whom I know deserves it. The one my heart beats for. But the only option is hymenplasty ie having surgery to sew my hymen back but that’s another story for another day.
If you are a boy looking to have sex and has gotten really good at sweet talking your way through a girl’s head hoping to get ‘some’, you’d grow up to get your own fair share of ‘somes’ and you’d get tired and stay faithful to just one at the end of the day. Rather than hustling for vagina, take time out and begin to shape yourself to be the kind of man you want to be proud of, the kind of man who can hold out on sex, because it teaches you how to be faithful and it also saves you from STDs. It saves both of you.
There are so many STDs out there, many you have absolutely no idea about and some girls/boys are carrying it without even knowing. Some carriers who know don’t even care. There’re the mean few who deliberately have sex to infect others despite knowing they’re aren’t supposed to have unprotected sex. They’ll tell you ‘it’s sweeter that way’ and you fall victim for just few minutes of pleasure. You put your health at risk and throw your life away.
Well, for someone who just did her HIV test and came back negative, getting tested is one freaking scary experience, no matter how many times you have tested. You just don’t know who is going to infect you. And testing positive will break the hearts of the ones you love because they expect you to have be better educated and be aware as there’s been massive awareness going on. Don’t be cut on ”unaware street” and ”had I known avenue”. Abstain.
If you’re one of those with players as an elder brother or role model and you want to follow in his footsteps, always, always use protection. Even if she looks like Ariana Grande and has a body like Nicki Minaj, use a condom. If you are really ready, take her or him and go get tested. Test for HIV, Herpes, Syphilis, Gonorrhea, and Staphylococcus. And always get tested every three months especially when you’re exclusively sleeping with one person. Doing this will help you both save each other.
This is what love is, when you care about protecting the one you want to share your body with. If they don’t want to go get tested, then you know you’ve met one of the randy ones and they are not worthy of your virginity or your teenage sex experience, move on.
Here’s a Father’s view on SEX on Reddit and How he advised his teenage kids. Read up!
I am a father of a boy(13) and a girl(15). I told them that it was alright for them to be sexually active as soon as they were “ready”. I then went on the say what “ready” means:
1) mature enough to be open about it.. no sneaking around.. if they’re not mature enough to talk to me or their Mom about it, they’re not ready.
2) Mature enough to wait until they develop full trust in their partners… start slow and work your way from holding hands and talking to kissing, touching etc. That gives you time to really know your partner, develop trust and a measure of real affection not just infatuation and lust (don’t get me wrong.. I’m not putting down lust… it’s just not the best emotion for life decisions).
3) Mature enough to understand the need for and to use condoms.
4) I also told them not to have sex in creepy places like school stairwells or behind the gym. They have perfectly good bedrooms with doors that lock and their friends will be welcome to stay for breakfast.
So am i being too liberal, unrealistically conservative or “just right”?
While there were those who supported this concerned father’s approach towards bringing up his kids this way, there were others who objected and he patiently addressed their concerns. Some of the frequently asked questions includes.
Isn’t 13 too young?
I didn’t say my kids were having sex… I laid out the ground rules for when sex would be acceptable. I didn’t tie it to an arbitrary age. I tied it to a level of knowledge, emotional maturity and a commitment to manage the risk. But, that said, I believe that some 13 year old could be ready for sex.
Children are people. They have rights. One of the most important is the right to be treated fairly as an individual. I can’t just draw a line and say “You’re too young” . Justice requires that important life decisions need to be made based on the individual’s maturity and circumstances. Also, to be fair I have to tell my kids what the guidelines are way before they actually need to act on them. They need to be completely at ease with the framework so that when the day comes… It’s a no-brainer.
Also: There is more to sex than vaginal penetration. Part of my “Take it slow” precept is that sexuality covers a whole spectrum of activities: Self masturbation, talking, kissing, touching, mutual masturbation, mutual oral stimulation, to anal & vaginal penetration. Somewhere along the spectrum is the suitable relationship for every age and every level of maturity. I’m trying to give my kids the knowledge (and self-knowledge) to know where they should be on that spectrum.
2) What about consent?
I tell my kids that they own their bodies and their partners own theirs too. Bullying, lies, pressure and making decisions while impaired are forbidden and everyone has the right to change their mind. However another benefit of the “take it slow” approach is by the time they get to penetrative sex they should know their partners well enough to know if they are consenting. Also, the “take it slow” approach allows the kids to have sexual pleasure and sexual relief with activities that are much lower risk than penetration: like mutual masturbation and mutual oral sex.
As you might notice, this pretty much eliminates the “One Night Stand”. I stand by that. It takes a lot of social and sexual maturity to make a one night stand a good thing. I’m not saying it never is, I’m just saying that it’s pretty rare unless you travel with a very particular crowd. And it would be virtually impossible for a teen to have that level of experience and maturity.
3) What about my children’s partner’s parents. Don’t they get a say in this?
They should but the problem here is that I can’t let people who think the sex is shameful impose their beliefs on my kids. Just like alcohol prohibition, it doesn’t keep people from doing it.. it just makes them do it in nasty & unsafe ways.
As my kid’s relationships develop I would hopefully get to meet their partner’s parents before they get to the “sleep over” stage and try to discern their attitudes and wishes. Also, given the chance, I would suggest to my kids that they should encourage their friends to discuss things with their parents….. but the likelihood of that happening is pretty low if the parents are sex prohibitionist.
However, the “take it slow” precept can defuse the tension here too because the teens can still be sexual without a sleepover or penetrative sex.
I also expect my kids to be concerned for their partner’s health and safety and realize that it would not be kind to put their friends in a situation that would damage their family relationships. Learning to temper desire with kindness (and common sense) is part of growing up and one reason for being completely open with my kids about sex is so that I can talk about things like that.
4) Why do parents need to know when their kids become sexually active?
Kids have rights but they are immature by definition. They make mistakes. That’s OK, but parents have the job of making sure that their mistakes don’t incur permanent injury. Sexual relationships have risks… some life-altering or actually deadly. Parents need to know what’s going on to help their kids be safe (emotionally and physically) . My goal is to remove any stigma or embarrassment that would prevent my kids from talking openly to us about their sex lives so that I can keep them safe.
The fact that so many commenters weren’t comfortable with that is a testament to the perverse Puritan attitudes prevalent in the US (and a few other places).
You need to internalize this: Safe and developmentally appropriate sexual pleasure is an unmitigated good. People at all ages and levels of maturity should be allowed and encouraged to experience developmentally appropriate sexual pleasure in safe and loving ways. Don’t let anyone shame you for doing it or liking it…. not even your parents.
There’s been a lot of back and forth chats on Parent’s need-to-know vs teens right to privacy. Let me clarify my opinion:
I am mostly concerned about my younger, inexperienced teens. My Dad job is to make sure they are safe and happy while they figure stuff out. As such, I want to know when they first decide to have sex and with who. I have to help them judge what is appropriate, e.g. Dad would drop the hammer if 15 yr old girl said she was planning to hook up with 24 yr old dude. I also want them to be physically safe. That’s why I offered the “locked door” policy.
I also want them to believe that sex is not shameful, but is just a thing that people do… An advanced form of “hanging out” with your really close friend. As such I want them be totally at ease saying stuff like: “Dad, [name] and I are talking about having sex, can [he/she] stay over this Saturday?”
However, after a while I don’t need to know as much. Once they are older/more experienced they will have earned the trust to manage themselves. Ex. After I’ve reminded them 20 times about condoms they come back with some teen sarcasm like: “Dad, I’m not a noob… give it a rest!” Then I’ll know I can stop asking.
I imagine when Daughter is 17, I’ll come down to breakfast and they’ll be a new person at the table. “Uhh Hi. I’m [name], I’m [daughter’s] friend” And I won’t need to know more than that.
Here are some readers comments on the issue, your thoughts on how your parents handled your ‘SEX TALK’ as a teenage or how you as a parent handled yours or intend to handle yours, will also be an insight into another readers experience and they could take some new knowledge or information away. I Know I have.
Photo Credit, BrothersKeeper