Capital Funding In A Relationship – When Feminism Puts Women Into Trouble
Capital funding seems like a course strictly for accounting and economics students but when you are in a relationship or marriage, those terms take on a new meaning of its own.
Sometimes, the new meaning can be good (if he’s too rich to worry about shelling out cash for his woman) and sometimes it can be bad (if he is a frugal one or doesn’t have so much).
Either way, it’s usually bad for whoever’s in charge of disbursing cash in the relationship which somehow happens to be the man’s role. A role which some men claim should be split equally.
While feminism is good on its own, such terms are the reason why men are beginning to refuse to take care of their women or wife saying that since the relationship or marriage is equal so should the financial responsibility. Should this be so?
These men argue that why should women argue for equality in a relationship only to turn around and dump the financial burden of running the relationship and marriage on the man.
Always expecting the man to pick up the tab at dates, lunches, dinners, movies, and always pay for everything.
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The men who argue for this say they will pay for only what they feel the urge to pay but no woman should force or automatically expect them to pay for her hair, her luxury or whatever necessities she needs, after all the man doesn’t ask her for money when he wants to go to have his hair cut or get a shave or take his clothes to the laundry or fuel his car or pay his light bills.
If she is a true feminist then she should pay for her stuffs herself, period.
These men refuse to have it both ways. They adamantly refuse to be called equals and be expected to pick the tab, it isn’t working well for them anymore. So Dear babe, are you a feminist? or you’re a woman loyal to a man’s government?
I had a chat with a Nigerian couple and it was so hilarious watching the two talk back and forth on what they felt the course capital funding in marriage should be. We’ll call them Miss and Mr.
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They have been dating for two years and intend to get married but the woman is stuck in confusion as her man is not only stingy (according to Miss) but he has absolutely no intention of taking care of her bills when they get married. Why?
Mr says Miss is always talking about feminism. He sleeps to the term and he wakes up to it. As a matter of fact, that’s why he actually fell in love with her. He always had a mum who was financially dependent and didn’t need his father’s money so he grew up with the mindset of women being financially dependent.
His sisters (2) are both married and doing extremely well so they don’t need their husbands’ wealth. And that’s what he wants. A woman who will be his wife but be solely responsible for herself financially while he uses his capital funding for himself and the family if they start one. Reasonable or Nah?
Miss says Mr is just stingy. He never buys her anything though he’s addicted to shoes. And even when they go out on dates she always pays for herself and now he keeps talking about marriage and wonders why she isn’t so eager about it, how does he expect her to marry him with such mindset?
Yes, she is a feminist. Yes, she has a job. Yes, she earns her own money. But she isn’t asking for everything from him. She just wants him to be financially able to do something nice for her from time to time without always asking her to bring her own half into it.
She says when they decide to go out on dates, he will ask her “babe are you a feminist on this date?’’ and if she dares say yes, which she always do, he insists she pays for half. Every time.
She argues that the moment she gives in to not being feminist he would take it out on her every other time and she enjoys being independent in the relationship.
Personally, am yet to understand how someone would want to be with another and still want to be independent. That’s like being in a relationship and wanting to be single. I understand you want your own space and time, but relationship is one boat with two people in it, sink or swim together, so what’s up with the ‘independent’ mantra?!… Anyway..
Mr says, he can only take a woman out and accept to pay the bill solely if she will accept he is the man and therefore should pick the tab, not a woman who believes she is his equal. When he hangs with his boys, they split the bill so if she wants to be ‘one of the boys’ ie an equal then she should pick her tab. Simple.
One night when they were just goofing around and talking Mr made a remark that stuck in Miss’s head and that’s all she’s been carrying around. Mr said ‘I love the whole idea of feminism. Bless the woman or women who coined that word and even made a place for it in the dictionary. Babe, I particularly admire how you have a good job and can take care of yourself cos when we get married, I wouldn’t have to worry about you, you can take care of yourself and I can use my money to take care of the family’ What family?
Why would she want to be with a man that has already told her he doesn’t plan on spending any money on her if they get married?
She spoke to her mum about it and her mum said it was wrong of Mr to make such an utterance. Although she was a working-wife too but her father still took care of her. Her money usually came in handy when dad really needed someone to bail him out or when he needed a loan; but they ran the family together and not ‘to each his own’.
For Miss, If she really wants Mr to take over his responsibilities as a man, she must understand that Mr is only using feminism to escape. He feels ”You are equal to a man in every way?” Good, pay your own share.
But what really is the general bandwagon or use popular urban term ‘feminism’? Feminism doesn’t relegate a man’s authority as the head of the family or relationship, rather it calls for acceptance of a woman as an equal and a partner in any relationship be it personal or professional.
If your wife was the president of a country, that doesn’t stop you from being her husband when she comes back home. If she is a celebrity, that doesn’t stop her from celebrating you when she is at home. The reason why women opt for feminism is for those men who refuse to do anything at home and believe the wife is the sole caretaker of the home, the woman alone will cook, clean, take care of the kids, come back from work and continue from where she stopped, all because she is a man’s wife. As an equal, the man should also contribute to chores. Everything must be done with love and understanding.
Mr doesn’t seem to understand the meaning of feminism or rather he has taken the definition of feminism which bests suits him and men such as Mr, is getting it all wrong. A man MUST take care of his woman as long as he is able. If she wants to take care of herself, fine, but Mr shouldn’t confuse wanting to do with able to do. You want to take care of your woman but you are not able to, good. You are able to but you don’t want to, not good. Feminism has absolutely nothing to do with the man paying for bills in a relationship or marriage.
Miss must also stop rubbing feminism in Mr’s face. It’s women like Miss that put corporate wives into trouble and promote misunderstanding of the term. Feminism is a belief that men and women should have equal opportunities and rights, but you don’t force someone else to accept you as a feminist. You accept yourself. Good, so humbly let your man take the lead, at least till he proves he isn’t qualified to lead then you have a talk on what the next line of action should be.
Let your man take charge, that’s what male ego is all about, feed it and you’ll get your man to eat from your palms but oppose it and you face his alter ego. Feeding his ego doesn’t make you lose yourself as long as every thing is done with moderation. He chose you for a reason. He believes you compliment him not as a subordinate, but as a woman who can complete his inequality. Take care of your man as far as you can. Do everything you can for him. Love him, care for him, cherish him and treat him like a king.
Every man should see it as a ‘privilege’ and ‘honor’ of being ‘the one’ a woman would humble to because she trusts your government and must treat her with the respect she deserves. It’s non-negotiable. Where the trouble begins is when she is honoring the man and he suddenly thinks it is his inheritance then she becomes a viper and a tyrant which can be toxic in a relationship.
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For the fact that you chose her to lead, it means you feel she’s deserving of something so respect and honor the privilege she has given you to lead her and don’t think it’s your god-given right because its not. You’re the head and she’s the shoulder. You can’t stand without her, it’s impossible. So her respect and honor is non-negotiable as she submits to you. There is problem when she submits to you and you refuse to give her what is rightly hers.
Personally I understand the arguments on both sides seeing as I am a girl who earns her own money but also wants a man who is financially capable of taking care of me. But the term feminism is one I haven’t really associated myself with, I don’t know why. I am an independent woman happy to humble to a man if his government is loyal and his ministry is moving to the permanent site but that doesn’t take away my right to have a mind of my own cos my mind is mine. Exclusively. You have my heart, manage that department.
Yes, being a working wife is good if you can handle the stress of managing a home and a job but truth is, it’s not so easy having to juggle both of them. Love should be about unity. Marriage should be about companionship. You cease being two but become one. So there should be no terms and conditions attached to a man’s responsibility as the bread-winner and caretaker in the family just because his wife also has a job. No one is saying the wife shouldn’t play her role, she will provide ‘support’ for her man but the man is the anchor first.
And for women who want to be feminist ie equal to a man, well you have to decide when next he takes you out on that date if you want to keep forking part of the bill or you want him to take over paying in full while you succumb to his ministry.
If his government is loyal, let him take the lead, it doesn’t stop you from being a feminist; you only acknowledge that you have a man you are ‘willing’ to let lead you. He knows you are letting him take the lead and he won’t abuse the privilege because he knows that you don’t need a generally accepted definition to define who you are and what you can tolerate. You are a woman.
Being married to a man who has told you he doesn’t plan on spending on you except ‘the family’ is like having your father tell you he doesn’t want to take care of your mother but will take care of the children. How is that supposed to work? Please if your man isn’t ready to re-adapt his orientation to this century then he should talk to his mum to show him where women like her are, all well above 40, rich and single, lest he marries you and makes you miserable.
For men, please don’t be cheap. Stop all the hiding under women’s fight for equality. She gives you love and adoration, You give up love and understanding. That’s why it’s a relationship. We relate under one ship. The battle is who’s the captain?
Woman, let the man take first lead. Man, lead right and accept when you’re wrong then allow her take turns. Relate together.