Honorable Secretary (LAST CARD) By @maskuraid

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I called her phones severally but none of the numbers went through. Nobody had seen Toyin; her resignation letter had been hand delivered to HR by courier. It was hard to accept that the girl that made love to me so passionately yesterday left without even giving any notice. At ten in the morning, I couldn’t take it any longer so i took permission to go to the clinic and sped over to her place. The house was empty and the shop keeper on the other side of the road said she’d packed out a week ago. Toyin had moved house and resigned without me having a clue. Even her close friends in her department had no idea of her plans or whereabouts.  


I returned to the office an hour later and continued working, although my mind was still trying to make sense of the whole situation. The gist from Karishika’s husband yesterday was also on my mind. How exactly was I tied up in madam’s business? The only person who could provide the answer to that question didn’t put in an appearance in the office throughout the whole week and I was glad when Friday finally came.


Saturday was all chores and little else, very boring. A part of me actually wanted to buzz up Susan and invite her for an outing but then I remembered all the trouble I had waiting for me and decided otherwise, sat down and pretended to watch TV instead until I fell asleep.


Someone’s repeated knocking on my gate startled me awake. It took a minute to regain my orientation while I wondered who it could be, I rarely had visitors. Praying it wasn’t Madam Ayiri again looking for a quick fuck; I tiptoed to the window and peeped out from beneath the curtains.


Jesus!!! My heart flipped a triple somersault at what I saw.


Karishika was standing outside my gate, in living color, her face looking like thunder.

How could this be? My gate? Who brought her here?


I wasn’t ready for drama and since I didn’t know what exactly she wanted, I decided not to answer, hoping she would believe I wasn’t home and leave me in peace. She continued knocking loudly for another five minutes and then suddenly stopped. There I was, heaving a huge sigh of relief where I stood with ears cocked, happy that my clever ruse had worked. Next thing I knew, my phone beeped as an sms came in.




The tone of that message wasn’t friendly and knowing Karishika’s unpredictable and unstable nature, something told me testing her patience further or daring her could back fire big time, so I went to let her in.

“Smart choice”, she hissed as she breezed past me at the gate and made for my back door.


I met her already comfortable on the sitting room sofa when I came back in. She was looking around too.

“Good to finally see your den in person, although I’m still undecided whether it’s good to see you. Be that as it may, go in and get dressed. You have an outing and I assume you don’t want to go dressed as you are.”

“Outing? Where? When? Why?”

“You have ten more minutes till you exhaust my quickly evaporating pool of patience, all of ten minutes. I don’t care about what you do with that time but I can authoritatively tell you that when it’s gone you’re going out with me, dressed or not.”


Which kain wahala be this for Heaven’s sake? I was being ordered around right in my own house fa?


I went in and changed into black jeans, a white Polo tee shirt and black sneakers then came out again.

“Shall we?”

She didn’t reply, just sized me up and down with owlish eyes before she glanced at her watch and muttered.

“Not bad. Lucky number seven, not bad at all for seven minutes.”

Then she stood up, walked past me in a huff and flung the back door open, stepping outside into the hot afternoon sunshine.


Quickly, I threw the gates open for her and was about to come back to start the car when she barked at me again.

“Leave it and walk.”

She turned and started walking up the road. Now this was getting ridiculous, but still in the spirit of trying to avoid trouble, I followed her instruction, locked the gates and hurried after her.


Her car was parked at the junction. She got there first, entered and started the engine, waited long enough for me to catch up and get in and zoomed off immediately my bum touched the seat, while the door was still hanging open. I hurriedly closed it and belted myself in, praying silently that she wouldn’t run into any of the kids who usually rode their bikes within the compound at weekends on our way out of the Estate.


We made it to her Lekki hideout in one piece less than her hour later thanks to her demonic driving. Charles and Ken saluted smartly as we drove into the compound and Ken rushed to open madam’s door while Charles locked the gate after us.

“Welcome Madam, welcome sir.”
“How are you guys? Everything okay?”

“Yes madam.”

“Okay, you may return to your duty post.”

Her voice didn’t betray any trace of emotions as she dismissed the guys and beckoned to me with her index finger.

“Come, follow me.”


“So how was your meeting?”

We were seated in her spacious and quiet sitting room.

“Meeting? With whom ma?”

“Stop pretending young man. I know you had a meeting on Wednesday night with you know who. Even if he hadn’t told me himself, I would still have known. Relax though, I’m not offended. I’m sure he has told you the story, I just want to know where I need to fill you in. Is that okay?”

There was no reason to keep up the pretense so I simply nodded.

“Good. Now let me clear the air about how you are involved in everything.”

She went on to tell me how she had noticed for some time that her ‘husband’ was beginning to lose interest in their business and how she had started scouting for a young, single, intelligent, virile and very coded young man to step into his shoes.

“Before that time, you were just a candidate that looked like a good specimen for our offshore partners and maybe any particularly rich bugger who could pay for your ass. When the objective however changed to‘finding hubby’, your name again came up on my list and because I didn’t know too much about you then, I put a spy ring around you to dig up some dirt. The way you handled the tab affair boosted your rating and when you did not divulge any details about the issues that came after that to anybody, I was almost certain you were destined for greater things. Your stubbornness however prompted me to instruct Toyin to set up that store video so I could have some official leverage to hook you with.”


“What???” Toyin? You mean….”

She laughed gently.

“Yes. Toyin was one of those people I low key put on you to gather information. You think she suddenly picked you out of the crowd of men in this office to fuck? I paid for all that. By the way, I’m told you’re a super fuck. Those were her exact words. Her leaving the other day was because I told her the job was done and her services no longer required.”


Her statement threw me. Toyin? The same Toyin who took me home and fucked me with such gusto? Who kept my soul happy with nudes and my mouth filled with boobs? No wonder she had been so emotional that last time, and why she didn’t even bother to say goodbye. The spy who fucked me, gosh!


She continued.

“Like I said, I needed all the dirt I could gather on you to make sure you would bend to my will when the time came. When I learnt that you were shafting that married woman in your neighborhood, it was exactly the kind of thing I wanted to hear – a virile man who wasn’t afraid to pluck from another man to satisfy his own cravings – my kind of guy.”

“Wait! You knew about that too? How?”

Her laughter this time was quite prolonged.

“You’re so busted. Remember the strange text messages?”

I nodded and she winked. Do you have a neighbor who you rarely see except at those times that your married woman comes to your place for some sausage?”

At that point she stood up, went to the shelf and retrieved a folder which she brought back with her to her seat. From inside the folder she extracted a couple of large photos and dropped them in my lap. Staring at me were several large glossy shots of me opening my gates for Mrs Ayiri, ushering her into my apartment and letting her out. All the photos had dates and time on them so anybody could see the interval between her coming in and going out. There were no explicit shots, but it would be hard convincing anyone that I had cooped up with a woman in my bachelor apartment for hours, let her out wrapped only in my nightwear and all she had come for was to borrow my Sunday School study outline.

I suddenly felt faint.

“Those were taken, alongside some video by your neighbor on my request, to serve as an incentive to co-operate if you continued to be stubborn. The audio recordings are even much better, there’s one of them where she was bellowing as if a train was running through her system. You must really be good with that instrument of yours to elicit such reactions from women though. Imagine all of these in the hands of her loving husband

“My neighbor?!! Jesus Christ. That was how you knew my place and that I was inside while you were knocking?”


“My God!!!”


She dropped another photo.

“Surely you remember this don’t you?”

Right in my laps was another picture of me watching those girls go at each other’s pussys at the sex club in Abuja. I didn’t even need to answer.

“My Abuja contact provided a lovely video of you displaying your renowned sexual prowess there. That’s somewhere safe alongside of the one of you dancing in this very room, in your birthday suit. You weakness for female flesh is legendary and cute. You should realize that by this time I was convinced you were worth all the trouble and would have revealed my plans to you myself but for the unplanned meeting between you and my erstwhile man at that sleazy beer parlour. His inability to find discrete fucks would have proved more than inconvenient for me if not that I had my game locked down. However, he put in a good word for you, although I’m sure that was to enable me release him faster but headstrong you refused to show up for the meeting where I planned to reveal your new role, preferring instead to go fuck that woman again. By this time I‘d begun to see you as my own chattel and I was pissed that you chose her over me, which was why I was so mad at you afterwards, so mad that I was ready to burn you and start my search all over again. What saved your ass was that kiss. That totally unexpected kiss broke my will and forced me to stay action.”

She stood up again and came to sit directly beside me, dragged me close and kissed my lips. I didn’t even know how to respond to her warm lips.

“The plans I had in place to punish you were mega, but I just couldn’t proceed once I tasted those lips. I admit watching you fuck the others so skillfully didn’t help my cause too, I was willing to find out what exactly you do to them that makes them turn to jelly in your hands although I wasn’t going to cheat on hubs. Funny right, going by what I do and the fact that we’re not actually married. However, since he has now decided to walk after completing his tour of duty, I am free to sample of all the promises your delicious looking ass holds.

Her face looked beautiful as she smiled.



She breathed the order, obviously excited at the prospect of whatever was about to happen in her mind. I felt like meat about to be dressed and prepared for dinner as I stood and obeyed her, following her lead up the stairs and into the bedroom.


The four poster bed was huge, dominating the big room. Wall to ceiling windows with slightly parted drapes allowed plenty of light into the room, bathing the bed and making it look like some sort of stage. Karishika walked straight to the bed and took a seat then beckoned to me again as I had stopped just inside the still open door.


“Come here and strip for me. Consider this one an audition, your final interview for the chance to be a part of my world. If you ace it, I can assure you of the best life can offer. It’s up to you to choose if you want it bad enough. Do you?”


I wonder what would have happened if I had said no. That probably would have been the end of me as a living being. However, I didn’t.

“Yes ma, I do.”

“Stop being cute and drop the ‘ma’. You’re about to give me sugar cane not a walking stick. Don’t be killing my vibe, inugo?”


“Good. Now disrobe.”

I did without too much fuss and stood naked in a few minutes. ‘Lil J was not yet in fighting mode, curled up sleepily, although I didn’t know if that was from uncertainty.

Nodding at my shrunken boy she teased.

“I see you weapon is still holstered. Let’s hope he’s ready to make you proud today, I like my meat hard and long.”

“Don’t worry ma, he will be.”

“Ma again? You need to get up to speed real soon hon. Speaking of which, come here and get me naked. These clothes are becoming too much of a barrier to good conversation.”


First I removed her shoes one after the other, then her bangles, watch and other jewelry. Next I unzipped her blouse from the back and took it off, before repeating the same thing with her skirt, revealing her matching flower patterned bras and panties. Then I paused.

“What? Why did you stop? C’mon continue and finish what you started.”

So I did, unhooking her bra with slightly shaky fingers. Her boobs tumbled out, large and firm, slightly yellow with dark well defined areolas and nipples. Suddenly impatient, she grabbed my hands, moved them to either sides of her waist and motioned with her head for her panties to go south.


She had some pubic hair, dark, but not too long.

“I know you prefer your women clean shaved, but this meeting is kind of impromptu, so I didn’t fully prepare for it.  In the spirit of superior performance though, we should remedy that. We can’t have you running through a forest down there in a bid to make me come, or running into an antelope or something bigger like an elephant, or even adopting a moustache.”

I would have laughed if that had come from anybody else but not with Karishika. I remained quiet. Pointing, she said “go into the bathroom through that door, there’s a tube of veet hair remover on the shelf as well as a spatula and towels. Bring them.”

I scrambled off the bed and went into the adjoining bathroom, returning with the items as directed. Karishika simply spread her legs and gave further instructions.

“Oya open it and squeeze out some, then use the spatula to apply.”


Fam, that was how I became a pussy barber. I had to leave the coat of cream on for approximately three minutes before she instructed me to scrape it all off using the spatula. Then I wiped her down thrice with different wet towels and she was good. Even I had to admire my handiwork. Her exposed lips puckered up at me as if trying to steal a kiss.


“Good boy. I hope you’re hungry , ‘cos it’s time to eat.”




Abiodun is a member of the Mainland Book Café who daily juggles the Lagos hustle with running his personal blog and trying to stay sane in an increasingly insane world. Prose (fiction) and poetry roll of his pen as the spirit directs and his first collection of short stories (which is still without a title) is expected to hit the shelves very soon. He blogs at www.versesbybeordoon.com


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