If You Discover Your Girlfriend Sexually Abused A Boy-Child, Would You (a) Report Her and Face Disgrace Too? or (b) Secretly Break Up With Her?
It is open to debate if the ratio between girl-child and boy-child molestation is equal or partial. Due to inability to accurately deduce the statistics between these groups, public opinion seems to sway in favor of the girl-child molestation more than the boy-child, as that is usually the most publicized.
Truth is, unlike the girl-child who will feel the physical pain of being molested, the boy-child unconsciously might gain some pleasure of off it.
Research shows that from the ages of 9, sex is already on the mind of a boy-child, especially if he is exposed to sexual experiences at an earlier age either through the TV Set, Internet or Music Videos.
Although most boys wouldn’t act on it until probably later, at their own pace. Molestation breaks the proper sexual psychology of the boy-child and alters, manipulates or in extreme situations, damages his mindset towards sex and women.
“Because a lot of our stories about men is that they’re sort of in charge sexually, when there is sexual abuse it really undercuts all of our social scripts. It is not only a violation of a boy’s boundaries and their most personal autonomy, that biggest right to privacy of the self, but it also contradicts their sense of masculinity.” – Elizabeth Saewyc, LiveScience
Now, who are these women doing this? Your sister, Your wife, Your Daughter, Your Cousin, Your Mother, Your Girlfriend? WHO?!
HERE IS A UNIQUE EXPERIENCE
I have had a hard time finding anything on sons being molested by their mothers. A lot of people cannot even conceive that it happens. So I would like to add my story to this website.
When I was little my mother was very violent. I needed stitches for several of the cuts she inflicted. Once she knocked me out by breaking a glass object over my head. She scared me so much that I was in fear for my life in my own home. She ridiculed me and humiliated me over and over again.
My mother molested me for about a year when I was about five years old. My father was gone for long periods and we were geographically isolated from relatives. She could not cope, so she had sex with me. She would sit on my face and force me to give her oral sex. I was terrified, thinking I was going to suffocate. The conflicting thing is that it was only at these times that she would touch me, and being so deprived of it, I ached for some love and attention. She used my need for her love as a control. I spent my entire childhood trying to gain her acceptance. It never came.
I had trouble sleeping in my own bed in my own home because of fear my mother would come in and molest me and or kill me. I used to make my bed look like I was in it, but I was really sleeping on the floor or in the closet or under the bed. As I grew a little bit older, maybe third grade, I would just lie awake all night, only able to let myself get a little sleep when I saw a glimmer of the sun coming up.
The shame of what I suffered was so great that I wanted to die. I could not talk about it for decades. I remember in first grade being told that the worst swear word was “mother —-” – accusing someone of having incestuous sex with his own mother. I would think, “This is what I am.”
For decades afterwards I had trouble sleeping. Fear dogged me at night. I would be nervous about how the doors were locked or who was near, in the house or outside. I would mentally rehearse escape routes. I would get night sweats and soak the bed. I would go from bed to couch to floor to bed. To get sleep I would have to drink until I passed out.
I had a problem with all kinds of addictions during my teenage years and during my twenties. When I got clean and sober I was plagued with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. In my thirties, I gave my life to my Creator.
It has taken over ten years of therapy and church and spiritual fellowship to be able to talk about this and not feel like I should be ashamed. I did nothing wrong.
If there is anything good to come out of all that I suffered it is that I feel closer to my Creator than ever and I feel lucky to have such a great relationship with God. An understanding about my place in creation has come to me and I know I am blessed.
It is healing to write about this. I have nothing to hide anymore and I am not ashamed at what happened. I was a little innocent child and I did nothing wrong. I know now that everything can be turned to good, with God’s help. What a relief to understand myself and know that I’m not crazy. What a blessing and a joy to know that God is love and that I am loved and that life is good – Grantley Morris, Son Abused By Mother
Majorly, sexually abused boys and girls respond the same way. Fear, Confusion and Anger become familiar emotions. This emotions put the child at a high risk of depression and anxiety, in extreme cases, psychiatric conditions.
The stigma left after reporting an abuse as a child is the main reason, molestation isn’t reported especially for boys who have been misled by the perpetrator to believe “boys don’t tell”.
Why the stigma takes a unique tone for men is because men aren’t supposed to be sex-abuse victims. Since boy-child abuse isn’t a norm, the victims won’t understand they are actually being abused.
Most boy-child sex abuse takes place with a man acting as the perpetrator, while the woman acting as perpetrator is usually over-looked. Some opine that being abused by a woman as a boy-child is better than a girl-child being abused by a man.
All this conflicts in child-sexuality development adversely affects the psychological being of the boy-child well into his manly years.
With all this in mind, how will you react If You Discover Your Girlfriend Sexually Abused A Boy-Child?Would You (a) Report Her and Face Disgrace Too? or (b) Secretly Break Up With Her?.