ASK NK: Dear NK, My Friend Slept With My Crush

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NK is someone you can always count on to get you in check because she gives it to you like it is. Each week, you can email a question of your choice and Instagram name to ask.nikolai@yahoo.com for her honest thoughts and opinions. NK will respond to three questions on Saturdays and give those special 360Nobs readers a shout out on her post. She’s leaving no stone unturned and answering all your questions about entertainment, relationships, friendships, sex, love, education and much more. Ask away and don’t hesitate!

Tolulope B

Dear NK

I’ve been in a relationship with this guy for two years. I started dating him when I was 24. He is very nice and treats me well. My only issue is that I’m not sure about where his mind is headed. I would like to get married soon and start a family soon. He also feels the same way but hasn’t made a move to show me that he truly means it. I keep on dreaming of the day that he will propose to me, but it seems like that is farfetched. He takes everything so slowly, but I can’t be patient anymore. How about my own feelings? I don’t know how to handle him anymore because I’m beginning to feel as if I’m falling out of love for him. NK, how do you think I should go about this?

NK

Tolu, I know where you’re coming from. A lot of my friends are going through this same issue right now and have discussed such matters with me. I will tell you what I tell them. Marriage is a beautiful thing. It’s supposed to be a lifetime commitment that shouldn’t be rushed. When a man asks a woman to marry him, he is letting down his guard to welcome in someone into his life that he feels will be his lifetime partner. This is because he feels that he trusts and truly loves her. He welcomes her not only into his life, but that of his family and friends. Some men know instantly when they’ve found that special someone while others need adequate time to process their relationship.

Two years is quite a while to spend devoted to someone so I completely understand your frustration. A lot people find it difficult to talk about things and express their true emotions, but as I get older, I’ve come to realize that proper communication is vital for a successful relationship.

Have him sit down with you at lunch or dinner when you know it’s not in a stressful environment and talk to him once more about marriage to see where his head is at. You need to express your true feelings to him and what exactly you’re looking for in your relationship together. If he doesn’t seem like he’s on the same page with you, I would say that it’s time to move on. It will still be your final decision to let go. What is meant to be will be, you can’t control a human being.

 

Aisha D

NK,

There’s this guy I have a crush on in my school. We recently exchanged numbers and have been talking for a few weeks. Two of my very close friends have known about the both of us for a while. Last week, one of them pulled me to the side and told me something in private. She told me that my other friend had slept with the guy in question but she isn’t sure when exactly. She said that she had heard it from one of his friends and believes that it’s true. I feel hurt because I would have expected her to tell me such a thing. After hearing this, I don’t know how to talk to her. Do you know how I should go about this?

NK

Aisha my dear, this matter definitely needs to be handled with care. I would say that you confront your friend about this. Don’t attack her with questions, but I would like for you to address the topic in a relaxed tone. If she slept with him before both of you had any chemistry, I would say you overlook it because it was in the past. You unfortunately can’t do anything about it. If she slept with him after knowing that you were trying to build something with the guy, she is not your friend. A ‘friend’ would never disrespect you like that. You both can still be cordial after the situation, but be cautious about how and what you expose her to about your life.

 

Chuka E

NK, I found a girl that I really like. Her name is Tope. I find her very attractive and I’m able to connect with her on a mental level which is quite hard to do nowadays with other girls I have come across. I enjoy spending time with her, but I feel like she is pushing me away unconsciously. Let me explain. She’s great but her she keeps on trying to get me to have sex with her. We kiss and all, but she is moving very fast. I want to get to know her better, but she is making it very difficult.

NK

My brother, you’re one of the ‘few’ decent guys out there that would rather date a girl for her mentality rather than just her physicality nowadays. I normally get such complaints from females, but I can still help either way. Some women have just as high of a sexual drive as guys have. Some are just looking for someone to call their baby daddy, while others believe that’s the way to create the initial bond in a relationship. You need to let her know that you’re trying to build more of an intellectual relationship without intercourse at this moment. You want to take it a bit slower and get to learn more about the ‘real Tope’. A sane individual should be able to take what you’re saying into consideration and should be able to work with you.

Nikolai Obee

Nikolai Obee

Nikolai Obee (a.k.a Ms. Don’t Use Me For Example) has a highly exuberant, but yet quirky personality. She’s a free spirit at heart and is constantly looking to broaden her horizons. She’s always open to others viewpoints and is an insightful listener, but never hesitant to speak her mind. Nikolai’s the typical girl next door, just with an animated twist!

Follow her on Instagram @NikolaiObee
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