I don’t smoke.
As experimental and fun as I could get sometimes, I have actually never been interested in smoking.
Thinking of it now, I don’t know why I didn’t try it when everyone was trying it but I know when I became a woman, the reason I didn’t indulge was because I did not want my Vagina to taste like cigarettes when someone had his head down there.
Because, you’re what you eat.
I had a friend once in OAU, he used to say the only reason he smoked was to “step down” referring to the tension that eased away when he took a smoke.
We called him Step down because, well because, you get the point.
Step down also tried to teach me how to smoke weed once because you see, smoking cigarette was what it was – smoking cigarette. But smoking weed, smoking weed was different – it was an experience, sometimes even a visitation when it fucked you up and it was an art.
You want to argue with the latter part of that statement? Ask Bob Marley or Wiz Khalifa.
I haven’t smoked weed in three years, in fact I had just tried it twice. Once with Step down in his cousin’s house at the school Quarters and another time before he premiered his first feature film which was a box office hit by the way.
But now, as I sat on the toilet seat in the sparkling white bathroom, I realized I needed something different, I was on the verge of losing my mind that was certain but I was also in so much trouble.
That LJP guy was a mad man and he was going to be the death of me if I didn’t do something about it.
The thing was, what the heck was I going to do?
He had me caged and at this point, could even hurt my family if I threatened to walk.
I stood and found my way out of the bathroom of my new house. I was not going to sit by and watch someone threaten me.
I was angry, angry that he filmed me having sex severally and I didn’t know. I was also angry that I was so fucking dependent on others, there was no way to walk out of a situation like this one.
My phone was ringing by the time I reached my bed. It was AKT.
I hissed, ended his call and scrolled through my phone book all the way down to Step down’s number.
AKT called me again and I ended the call like I had done the first time.
Didn’t he know I did not want to talk? I was done with him abeg.
Dude hated who I was except that was who he was too and I did not know.
How long did he think he was going to keep that up for though? How long did he think he could hide a woman for?
He was married. The son of a bitch was fucking married.
I chuckled. For the first time in days, I actually found myself thinking of that night at AKT’s.
I had refused to think about it and quite frankly I had not been given the time to, thanks to LJP and his yaba left behavior.
I did not know what it was or why I felt that which was, but I knew I was not exactly having butterflies at discovering AKT had a wife.
Maybe I was disappointed, maybe I was jealous or maybe it was just that feeling you had when something that was yours suddenly became someone else’s.
I wasn’t expecting it, I wasn’t ready.
Step down’s line ran off the hook, he was not picking.
He was probably busy, the guy was one of Nollywood’s biggest Directors anyway and red carpets and interviews where the only places you could spot him these days.
I grabbed my phone and sauntered out of the room, I was wearing a pair of matching bra and pant and some slippers a Ghanaian Sugar Daddy had gifted me when he was trying to toast me six months ago.
I remember the look on Cherokee’s face when the Giuseppe Zanotti slippers had arrived – he’d been livid and had acted like someone had connected him to electricity and left him overcharged.
He’d wanted me to return them, like I would have ever thought of that.
Thinking of it now though, should have hooked up with the Ghana Sugar Daddy.
I found my way up the stairs and made for the roof – Yesterday evening, I had taken a good tour around this house and I had been amazed.
It was a beautiful sight and I have seen beautiful houses in my life but this one’s beauty was different. It was not massive or anything, it was cute but clearly a lot of details had been put into designing the place.
I reached the roof and walked out of a small door, the door that separated the house from the jacuzzi right there on top of the building.
I removed my slippers and entered into the Jacuzzi with my underwear on.
What would life be without worries? What would life be without maniacs like LJP?
I immersed myself in water, refusing to come up for air for several minutes and if I was looking at myself from outside, I would have thought I was trying to commit suicide.
But maybe someone else was.
My phone rang and normally I would have let it be but I had been trying to reach Step down and I did not want to take chances if he was the one calling me.
If I missed his call now, I might not be able to reach him again in a long time.
I got out of the water and walked to the vintage chaise lounge which was the only furniture around the Jacuzzi.
I picked the call and realized who was calling, “LJP” I said indifferently.
“Are you trying to kill yourself? Why are you staying underwater for so long?”
I looked around instinctively, he was nowhere in sight.
Was he watching me from somewhere? I suddenly felt a chill. This guy was creepy as hell.
And as if that was not enough, he laughed softly, “Don’t worry you can’t see me.” then he added, “I have a charity event tonight, what do you say about coming with me?”
I was not over this man’s scary behavior, there was no way I was escorting him to a charity event feeling like this. I was so freaking nervous and I was worried he was capable of a lot of things I didn’t even want to find out.
“I don’t have what to wear and…”
He laughed again, “As if that would be a problem. I would have a Wana Sambo delivered to you soon.” then he hung up.
I hurried back into the house.
There was nowhere to hide from this freak.
When I was a little girl, I always believed that a pretty face and a wealthy man could get you everything you wanted in the world – connections, an unending life of happiness and overflowing wealth.
But now as a grown woman, I have come to realize that beneath all of those material things I wanted, a lot could lie.
Jimi Pearson had been knighted by some Church in the UK many years ago and that was why he had the title Lord attached to his name.
But there was nothing Lordy about this bastard, except Lord Lucifer counts of course.
He placed his hand on my bare thighs, slowly shifting the gold sequined dress that I was wearing.
I shifted uncomfortably, the mere thought of being with this Yaba Left member for as long as he was willing to have me was sending shivers down my spine.
Forget horror film, this guy was the horror in real life.
He smiled, something I hated to admit caused him to be more handsome.
How could so much darkness hide behind so much beauty?
Life just did not make sense. No need trying to understand it.
We arrived at Civic centre for the event and he held my hand as we walked into the building and posed for red carpet pictures.
I tried my best to smile and look okay and I vaguely wondered how many of those Lagos socialites and Nollywood celebs had to do this?
Guys, have you ever wondered if the lives of those people are as glamorous as we think?
We were walking inside the venue itself when I sighted AKT. I scoffed, I did not want to see this one and his sugar boy self.
So I tried to Ray Charles him as we neared the door but the idiot was not letting me.
“Good evening, Sir. Can I talk to Kaycee for a minute?”
LJP looked like he did not understand a word AKT had said and for a second, I actually thought he was going to ignore him but then he said, “Sure.”
He left me with AKT and proceeded inside.
“Kaycee, I don’t know where to start…”
“How about you start with I am an idiot, I was accusing you of the same damn thing I was doing?” I was more angry than I thought I was and that I could ever be.
Asides from being mad at AKT for being a Sugar boy, I hated that he had a wife and a beautiful one at that. Even if she looked like she was 80 years old.
“Kaycee, I’m sorry.”
“Of course you are”
I did not say anything.
“I’m in love with you” He added, then said, “I will forever be in love with you.”
I think it was the sincerity in his voice or maybe it was that I wanted to believe him so bad.
“Can we talk outside for a second?”
Of course. I was not trying to get back to Lord maniac as soon as possible anyway.
We made our way out of the building and into his car outside.
“So why are you even married to that woman, AKT? She is like hundred years old.”
He laughed, “After I won the lottery that got me millions, I went for a job interview at LJP’s newly acquired online platform. Then she saw me on my way home and she told me who she was and asked me to come out for drinks sometimes. Went to see her, we talked, we drank and yeah, we fucked.”
I was listening attentively, hoping that he would not say he loved that woman that was old enough to be his ancestor.
“She was needy, very needy and we kept fucking until one night she asked me to move in with her into the Banana Island house. I was fucked up from you, she knew that and she said she wanted to be there for me…”
Anger and jealousy welled up in me as I thought of that person trying to take my place in AKT’s life.
He was mine, always had been, always would be.
Even if I spent years using him to catch trips.
“She got pregnant…”
“She has not reached menopause?”
He laughed and then, I laughed too.
Then he suddenly stopped and gazed into my eyes like the basis of his existence laid in there.
“I love you Kelechi Mbah. I love you so much it hurts.” He drew me closer to him and kissed me.
I threw my arms around him, kissed him back and held his head tenderly when he proceeded to my boobs and effortlessly lifted them out of my bra with his mouth.
We were going at it like horny teenagers, touching each other like we couldn’t care less about the world.
Thing was I couldn’t.
A knock jolted us and brought us back to reality. I turned, it was LJP and AKT’s ancestor turned wife standing by the door.
Both of them actually looked good together, they were both old frustrated motherfuckers.
I unlocked the door, AKT pulled me back, a plea in his eyes.
I knew what he wanted, he did not want me to go.
“We can make this work somehow, Kaycee.”
I looked outside the door and back at him. No, we did not stand a chance.
Not with these two members of Adam’s family.
I got down from the car and Adele shoved me into LJP’s hands. “Put your bitch on a leash, Jimi.” she said and got into the car.
LJP pulled me further away from the car and slapped me twice.
Yeah, the bastard was not just a blackmailing son of a bitch, he was also a physical abuser too.
And God knew that even if that was the last thing I would do with my last breath, I would fuck him up for that.