Earlier this year, I saw this quote across social media: ‘it’s a new year, aunty and you’re still searching for Mr. Right. Can’t you see that you are Ms. Wrong?’
I had a good laugh after reading it but paused for a while to ask myself why so many people are so averse to the idea of women finding the right man. There is always someone advising that women should settle for whatever comes their way, especially if their biological clocks have just ticked past thirty. The general belief is that there aren’t enough good men out there and a lady needs to latch on to any man that offers his time and attention just so she can get yanked out of that pool of single and desperately searching spinsters.
To some extent, I understand where the idea stems from. These days, finding someone we really are compatible with takes a whole lot of effort and as much as society would have us believe that it is a problem common to women alone, it is not true. I have male friends who are ready to settle down but are going through the same struggles a single lady faces when looking for the right man. However, many men have been known to settle for women they are just comfortable with as against their female counterparts who often have a long list of what they desire in their men. And there, I think, is where the problem lies.
There is nothing wrong in having high expectations when it comes to choosing a partner but the question is how high have you set the bar? And if that same standard was handed to you, would you be able to live up to it?
Finding Mr. Right should neither be a fantastic idea nor a difficult challenge but it has become so because so many of us live our lives in a fantasy when it involves men. We have our heads all up in the clouds and make the same mistakes of choosing the same type of men over and over, often leaving us brokenhearted.
If you find yourself in that whirlpool of picking the wrong men constantly, then the following points might help you out this new year to make better decisions.
- Become Ms. Right – You could be lucky enough to come across the tall, dark, handsome and rich man who wants you but things might not turn out well because you are Ms. Wrong – to him and to yourself. If you want a man that has great qualities, then you have to check yourself to see if you also have same qualities to offer him. Are you needy? One-dimensional? A nag? Selfish? Lazy? Boring? Gold-digging? Excessively emotional? Try to work on your attitude, be selfless, change your inner-self and imbibe the type of character any man would want in a woman, then watch how you begin to attract positive people into your life.
- Know Why You Want Mr. Right – This might sound funny but some ladies don’t know why they need a man. They go into relationships for the wrong reasons. They have yet to ask themselves why they need to be paired up with another human being. Some want a man just to get their parents off their backs; some to compete with their friends; some realize life is a lot cheaper to manage when a man is there to pay the bills; while others just want someone to spend lonely nights with. If you’re dating for any of the reasons listed, then Mr. Right is not ideal for you. Date Mr. Right Now, instead because what you’re looking for is a temporary fix.
- Aim For What You Want – There is nothing wrong in having certain expectations in the man you plan to be with. However, you need to come up with a realistic list on what you’re looking for in a relationship so that it keeps you in focus. First of all, wean off the exterior on-the-surface qualities and aim for depth. Does the person share your values? How kindhearted is he? What is his attitude towards money? How does he treat others? Is he trustworthy? Think of the years ahead. If you cannot see him in your future, cut your losses and move on.
- Be Realistic – It is often captivating to watch a telenovela and see those perfectly beautifully-sculpted men that have everything going for them and at the same time love their women even to death. But we all know reality doesn’t always hand us such cards. Sadly, not all women want to accept this. Somewhere in their heads, there is an Adonis waiting for them and they would shut out any man that doesn’t fit into their heady expectations and end up with the same type of men that keep letting them down. Have it in mind that no one is perfect; the best relationships are those where the partners build each other up. Stay realistic and search for real men.
- Look Outside Your Circle – Maybe you haven’t found Mr. Right because of the type of company you keep. Your friends might not be bad but you guys end up doing the same old things all the time, like hanging out in the same joints, shopping in the same places, and spending time with the same men who have no interest in you. You can never find someone new that way. Make new friends from different works of life. Don’t shut out your married friends as well, just because you feel slighted at them for having one over you. They are most likely to help you find the type of man you’re looking for. Diversify. Honor wedding and religious events invitations. Also attend naming ceremonies and birthday parties. Go for seminars, attend your friends’ office outings, never shun blind dates. Looking for an entrepreneur? Register for business conferences and the likes. You love artistic/creative men, attend art shows, see movies, go for a jazz concert. Visit a sports bar and catch the eye of a man or two there. Also don’t look down on the internet. People meet on Twitter and Facebook and get married. Your Mr. Right might just be a click away.
- Close your legs– This sounds like advice your dear, old mother or your pastor would give you but trust me, it’s for your own good. Men know that women today are desperate, hence they would do anything to get into their pants and then dump them afterwards. Your lady parts should not be the first thing you bring to the table when dating a guy. In fact, it should be the last thing, after all else has been settled. Add mystery to your person; men love the chase and will continue to pursue that which they want but cannot have. Let him know you and not your body. If the relationship will last, there’ll be plenty of time for romps in the sheets.
- Shut the door on your past – No one makes it far by dragging along the baggage of their past. It’s a turn off for men when women they meet are hung up on an ex or load them with their history of pain. You can’t be a new person to a new man in your life by hanging on to your old self. You have to let go and open your arms to new opportunities.
- Be patient – the dating process is sometimes a long one and you might cast your net and not get what you’re looking for. Other times, you might get nothing at all. That doesn’t mean there is no fish in the sea. The timing might not just be right. Pace yourself and enjoy your life. The world won’t stop rotating if you don’t have Mr. Right in your arms at that exact time you want him. Enjoy being single and love yourself. Time will eventually work in your favor.
The most important thing when looking for the right man is to remain positive, confident and open. You will make mistakes along the way or even hurt some people. You might get disappointed as well but it doesn’t mean you won’t find what you’re looking for.