We can all agree that marriage is no longer what it used to be. Year after year, we find the essence of marriage being lost and people getting married for the wrong reasons. People getting married to fulfill societal righteousness, please their family, have kids, etc. And so, it is easy to break a marriage off as soon as they can no longer “cope” with the person they married. There is no longer the need to stay committed to one’s spouse, to weather the storm together; once they get tired of each other or things get “too tough”, they are quick to call it quits.
Divorce lawyers are on the rise daily and people no longer want to stay till death separates them but till “irreconcilable differences” tear them apart. This is so because people no longer understand what it is to be in a relationship with another person, to truly commit to another person; even at the most difficult times. We all get so easily carried away with the physical attraction and superficial emotions that we do not take our time to think about what marriage is about before popping the question or agreeing to marry someone.
So, if you’re planning to settle down soon (even if it is not so soon) or you’re already married (it is never too late to have a fresh attitude towards your marriage and partner), make a vow to do these things to your wife always:
#1. Vow To Stick By Her “In Sickness And In Health”: there is a reason this part of your original vows because it is actually not easy to stick by someone when they are sick. Sick in this context does not mean when she is down with premenstrual cramps, or menstrual cramps, cold or early morning sickness; it means even the days when she is very moody and cranky, when she is going through a life altering challenge at work, with her family or even when is having issues. Vow to stand by her at her toughest times and weather the storm together. The true test of your love is when you can stand by that person when the cloud is the darkest, not when it is the sunniest.
#2. Vow To Make Her A Priority: negligence has destroyed more homes than we can ever imagine. A man who focuses on his business more than he does on his home will have a split marriage in no time. I’m not saying you should not pursue your dreams and achieve your goals (please do, as you need the money to keep your family alive) but do not go overboard that your family will suffer. In fact, I’ve come to know that men who put family as number 1 always tend to be not only successful but happy. So, always try to find a balance between your work and your home.
#3. Vow To Always Show Her How Much She Means To You: it can get really crazy sometimes especially in a country like ours where you have to deal with waking up early, battling with traffic to get to work and then coming back late, tired and very sleepy. So, it is very easy to just forget to appreciate your spouse or do something special for her. Every now and then, try and do something for her to show her much you are grateful to have her in your life and how much you love her. It may not be buying her shiny diamond jewelry or bringing breakfast to her in bed, it may just be as easy as staring deep into her eyes and telling her you love her. Just make sure you show it her as often as possible so that she will never forget it.
#4. Vow To Always Take Care Of Yourself: okay, this is very important. It is not only women that should take care of their bodies; men should too. Don’t because you’ve finally gotten married, you should stop taking care of yourself. Of course, she loves and accepts you for your flaws and she is not into you for the physical attributes but we can all agree that something physical may have attracted her to you at first before the deep qualities started coming to play. Don’t lose the packs, the beards or the “swag”. I know you’re getting old and all these things are hard to “maintain” but come on, you want her to still be sexy even after 2-4kids, right? So, pay attention to yourself, eat healthy, drink healthy, be healthy and fit too.
#5. Vow To Do Your Best For Your Children: so many are fathers but not worthy to be used the title for. As you’ve vowed to make her your priority, vow to do everything possible to always give the best to her (your) children. And by best, I’m not talking about things only money can buy, even the things money can’t afford like morals, love, care, attention, support, give to them. Even the bible admonishes that you train your child in the best way possible so he/she will never depart from it as they grow and they can pass on the good lessons to their own kids.
#6. Vow To Make Her Better Person Than She Was Before You Married Her: I’ve seen so many women losing it just after months of being married. They look so sad, worn out, confused and you wonder what the hell is going on in her home. As a man, never make your wife a ghost of what she used to be. Don’t because she’s tied to you make her lose her identity. You should vow to make her a better person than she was before you married her. Support her, comfort her, pamper, love her as she deserves (or more than she deserves). An unhappy and frustrated wife will only make your home hell for you. Don’t turn her into a slave in the name of being submissive. Always put in mind that your wife is a reflection of everything you are about. If your wife is shabby and tattered, it tells a lot about you and your upbringing.
#7. Vow Never To Abuse Her: okay, I had to put this because some Africans see it as a normal thing to beat their wives. They see it as a form of instilling discipline and respect. If you are of this class, please stop and rethink. It is very abnormal to beat a woman and it doesn’t instill anything, it only makes her even more rebellious and stubborn. Don’t curse or abuse her verbally all in the name of talking sense into her. Never withdraw cash from her to teach her a lesson. There are plenty ways a mature man can get his wife to do things he wants without being vulgar or violent, the trick is called “communication”.
#8. Vow To Stay Till The Very End: if your very end means till you’re tired, you can’t stand her anymore or you’ve found a better option, please delete those meanings from your dictionary and insert “till death actually do you both part”. I know it may seem so scary; the thought of spending forever with one person scares me too but hey true love conquers all fears. When you truly love someone deeply for the right reasons, staying committed to them till the end of time is the only gift you can give them. Be ready to cross every bridge, to build, to grow with them. No matter how tough the journey may be (because every relationship has its ups and downs), always make a promise to stick around.
I did not put “vow not to cheat on your wife” on the list because a man who vows to do all the above listed things to his wife will not want to hurt her. She is a priority and her happiness will be your joy. I know these things sound so difficult to do but once your mind is made up, it becomes a habit. Will it be worth it? Definitely. You will be reaping the fruits of your good labour for many years to come.
Note that this is not limited to guys alone, women should also vow to do these things to the men in their lives. One sided effort will only destroy the marriage. And you don’t have to be married before you start doing these things, if you really love the girl or the guy and you’re certain you want them to be part of your future, please start with your relationship; practicing will bring about perfection when you eventually get married.