The Random Guy Monologue – Imperfect Me

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This is supposed to be my thoughts and reminiscences, random shii and all; raw, uncut, straight up real. Welcome. Hoping it catches your eyes and is worth your whiles, if it doesn’t, the comment section is all yours. Don’t be a stranger.


My name is Jide Lloyd, I’m your average guy. I use Formula toothbrush, I prefer Close Up red gel to Macleans, no special reasons. I drink Harp Lager, but Heineken on days I’m feeling extra premium and smug. Once, I dropped by at Chocolate Royale for a bottle of Aquafina and donut and Nike Oshinowo sat behind me with a guest. The radiance, effortlessness and grace of hers; too much for words. God bless the African woman. I love you all though you ain’t mine, I wish my arms were long enough to hug you all at the same time – I’m *selfish.


Not really, but then aren’t we all a bit selfish?





Anyways, I should date an older lady. Who knows if I’ll find one, or if she’ll want me?


I admire Omalicha of Rhythm loooooooooooooooads. If I had my way I’ll have a weekend getaway with Gbemi of Beat; she has game, brown skin, knows music plus I like her ‘behind’ and logical analyses. On the real though, if there’s any justice in the world, I’ll have Sia and Andrea Bocelli play in front of me with a live band as I hang with any of Mimi Onalaja, Funmi Iyanda or Taraji Henson on a cool evening; with vintage red wine and some sea food, everything alfresco. I got this on a bucket list, yo.


The Random Guy Monologue,


I’m random, very random. I think Jollof rice and salad are a matchless combination. I also think Ofe Egusi is God’s gift to the Black race. And Amala. And fried plantain. And Ewa Agoin. If you don’t fancy any of these, it’s okay. Don’t be angry, all of us can’t be posh.


I’m a Copywriter and PR guy, and then I critique music and all that stuff. I love solitude – Indoors alone, get my power on, some beverages, light food and music in the background, or I won’t get my mojo on.


The Random Guy Monologue 360Nobs


I could be a lil stubborn. My boss says I’m opinionated. But it’s fine. He doesn’t say I’m rude or disrespectful. He says he likes me. He also says I can do more, and I like how he pushes for results. What he hasn’t said is that I am him in some respects seeing as we are both full bearded, we are both opinionated, and then we share same middle and last names….


I’m so imperfect. Once we had a meeting and one of my closest colleagues at work described me as that guy with an “unhealthy dose of self esteem”. Lol. Awon temi. Zero chill.


I’m just me. I will change, and get better. 🙂


I’m just me. I don’t look down on anybody. I could kiss on a first date, and I think a real G should give his woman a head every other time. Don’t look at me funny, make sure you are eating her silly or best believe another man will. Facts only.


What else? Till next week then. I hope this introductory post was swell? E se.


One last thing; do we really plan to make it in this land? I’m really in a fix, fam. I’m telling you that this fuel scarcity thing got me wondering and asking where we got it all wrong as a people. Last week, I came into Lagos from the South on a road trip and many a fuel station wouldn’t sell for reasons best known to them. So we resorted to ‘black market’ on the Ore expressway. 20Litres, N6,000. Wicked stuff. As I write this, it still feels as a dream what happened on the day. Crazy.


Random Guy Monologue, 360Nobs, Fuel Scarcity
An empty fuel station in Ore, Nigeria. Image:
The Random Guy Monologue, 360Nobs, Fuel Scarcity
Man on the street selling ‘black market’ fuel at the Ore express way, Nigeria. Image: 360Nobs


Another thing I think of as cray and shxt is Lagos traffic. Sometimes, when I’m held at 3MB, tired AF, the exhaust fumes throng my lungs with the seat belt firm against my belly, driving me to near asphyxia. The guy wey dey drive me go house no get AC. Even if he did, I won’t pay extra cost everyday for that. The naira has fallen. Please. So on all such late evening drives back home, I look at the congestion and imagine if things woulda been any different were Moses to come through with the staff.


Lagos Traffic, 360Nobs, The Random Guy Monologue
Lagos on a weekday. Traffic.
Lagos Traffic, 360Nobs, The Random Guy Monologue
Lagos on a weekday. Traffic. Image: 360Nobs


It’s a wrap for now. Till next week. Udo diri unu!


*Lyrical content from Selfish by Slum Village Ft. Kanye West





Henry Igwe

Henry Igwe

Copywriter. Sanguine. God understands me.


  1. In the words of Nick Fury: “Whooo, you kiss your mother with that mouth?”
    This is good stuff, mate. I’m eager to see the next installment.

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