An Ode To My First Love (EpisodeTwo)

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If you missed the first episode, read it by clicking here

A year and a half after our first kiss, I had become a fortress. You see, when I was eight, I went to play police and thief with my brothers in our house compound. It wasn’t the first time I was joining the boys for this or any game. They, in fact, expect it. After a while, I felt tired and sleepy but my brothers still wanted to play so I found a nice spot and fell asleep at but not without warning them to wake me before they went in.

It was a dark, very dark night. The wind was blowing gently and the scent of other people’s evening dish wafted through my nose very softly. My sleep was interrupted by a hand covering my mouth. I screamed but I couldn’t hear myself. A hand crept through my thighs and my eyes flung open. I saw the face of our trusted neighbour leering down at me. Confusion filled me. Was this a game? In on quick second, a finger shifted my pant one way and another thrust into my vagina. It was the sharpest pain I’ve felt in my life. He looked close to see if I was awake. I closed my eyes and laid lifeless in his arms. Convinced no one, including me, saw him, he put me back down how he met me and continued on his way. In less than one minute, I was violated for life.

That was the best calculation I had done in my life; going over the timeline and putting the seconds together. Going forward, was had a phobia for numbers and didn’t really want to understand them. It took me back to that terrible night. I really didn’t understand what had just happened even though I went straight to the bathroom and saw blood in my pant.

Fast forward a few years and I was in junior high school. In our inter-science class, we were taught about the male and female anatomy and wet dreams and virginity. I quickly understood. I never talked about it to anyone. I felt nothing but shame and wanted to take my own life. Pills and portions I found from a friend who was ill and had gone to the school sick bay. I took some of her doses. Nauseated, I threw them all up. I choose there and then a selective memory and till now, even though I know it was our neighbour, every time I try to remember his face, all I see is pitch black.

One time, whilst in uni, I saw an advert that said something like this ‘virginity is like a balloon. One prick and its gone’. That stayed with me.

By now, most of my friends who had great sex stories to tell in pre-degree had horror stories to tell. Talks about their sexual escapades and some private dirty linen were out. I felt bad for them but relief washed through me quietly. I still hadn’t had sex by now and I made up my mind; the next time anyone was putting their thing/finger in me, I would be legally married to them. No one knew my struggles and didn’t understand my troubles with just having sex and I wasn’t about to tell them about my ordeal at eight.

Gabriel calls me again after such a long time and I tried not to be close to him but as you all know, the mind is willing but the flesh is weak(or is it the other way round?) Anyways, he is the reason I’m writing this ode so duh! We became gradual friends and like an onion, we started to tear each other’s fortress down with every single conversation. No day passed by without us talking about everything and anything except our first kiss of course. By now, Gabriel was in a phase where he wanted sorry needed to understand structure and so he joined a bank in Abuja, a town so far away from Lagos.

My day was never complete without talking to Gabriel and boy was he consistent! I made up my mind. Should Gabriel ask me out this time, I would say yes. He was my perfect blend. I liked him a lot, had awesome conversations with him and he didn’t live in the same town as me so sex was out of the option. Talk about eating my cake and having it! Did I mention I was heads over heels in like with this man? That’s it! Tobi is getting hitched.

‘Man proposes, God disposes’ it’s a bumper sticker message popular in Nigeria maybe Lagos but I never truly understood its meaning until now.

Gabriel had called me late at night but I was at a play rehearsal and I couldn’t break out until after midnight. I whispered my plight to him and we both agreed to talk as soon as I got off at midnight.

I couldn’t wait for rehearsal to be done and tell Gabriel all about the play I was going to be in. even when I didn’t have anything really important to talk about, Gabriel would listen to me like I was the only woman in the world with the most interesting thing to talk about. He would laugh at all my jokes and so was my confidence growing. Even my friends knew of a certain Gabriel and his importance in my life.

I ran as fast I my legs could carry me to the hostel. I stripped to my underwear and contemplated wearing a shirt to peak with him. I felt sexier wearing just my lacy yet very racy underwear and so I did. I sprawled on the bed and tousled my hair like he was going to see me or we were skyping. I laughed at my foolishness and finally decided to call.

I dialled his number and just as the seconds began to count, ‘helloooo’ I said in my huskiest, sexiest voice. ‘Hello’ I could hear a voice call out back to me. Not really sounding like my voice or Gabriel’s, I said ‘Hello’ in my most practical tone of voice. ‘Hi. Your name is Tobi. Mine is Pauline and I’ve been wanting to talk to you.’ Confused but slightly excited, I drawled ‘okay. Are you Gabriel’s sister?’. She chuckled. If I wasn’t confused, I could have chuckled with her. Her voice was rich and her laughter incredibly sexy. ‘No, I’m not his sister’ she replied. ‘whatever happens tonight, you have to promise to hear me out. Okay?’ I agreed. My curiosity was, by now, at one hundred and twenty-five percent.

‘I am Gabriel’s girlfriend and we have been together for five years. Please hear me out. Please’ 


Tife Alex

Tife Alex

A girl with no shades of grey.The world is either black or white. I hear it's bad so I'm developing a shady eye. Bear with me; I'm a work in progress.


  1. This is just… I’m still not sure how to describe this piece… It has the ability to touch on different emotions without trying to be offensive. I love how it reminds me of me plenty years ago. Can’t wait to see where you go with this story. Wow!

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