‘I was 14 years old when I went to find porn on the internet. It was out of curiosity and it was just a simple Google search for me to get hold of an adult movie. When I first watched it, my reaction was shock. But gradually over time, that shock becomes excitement and I would use any porn that I could get my hands on.
I was watching it so much that I started to get bored by the “normal” soft porn movies. I wasn’t getting the buzz that I felt when I first saw it – in fact I was almost desensitised to that content. I went from watching soft pornography to dodgier stuff to get the kick I needed.
I was at a university and alone in a new city. I guess it was a trigger and I just went downhill from there. For a period of two to three years, I was watching porn on a daily basis and sometimes masturbating over six times per day. It was all I could think about. I didn’t see people as people anymore – they were just sex objects to me.
The simplest things could set me off such as a girl unbuttoning her blouse or a boy taking his top off. Everything made me want more. I would sit in my room alone for hours, with the lights off, watching porn. I felt lonely and ashamed of myself.’
On how she got help ………
‘I spoke to a friend about my addiction and that was a huge release for me. It was a first step. Talking about it made me realise how much of a problem it was – you’re only as sick as the secrets you keep.
As a Christian, you have to be quite controlled about what you let into your heart, in terms of what you see and do. So now, I don’t read sex scenes in books and I don’t listen to oversexualised music. There are some artists that just sing about sex and it’s best to avoid that, I also try to avoid inappropriate programmes on TV late at night.’