Good evening. Welcome to our rundown of the major headlines across the nation for today February, 20th, 2015.
1. NANS TELLS NYSC TO REDUCE REGISTRATION FEES
H: *Chants* Great Nigeria Students!
H: Just gimme a “great!”, will you?
Sol: No, thank you. This is the news, man.
H: Sigh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sol: So, yeah… NANS is like the N4000 is way too much and thinks N3000 will do just fine instead.
H: I’m actually wondering what the marginal decrease will do any Corper’s purse. Honestly.
Sol: The president was quick to urge parents to embrace the registrations though. Dude can’t decide who to pander to. TBH.
H: Quite ironic.
Sol: Just another day at the union then.
H: So it appears
- NIGERIA NEEDS STRUCTURAL CHANGE NOT PERSONALITY CHANGE – MIMIKO
Sol: Pffft. Rhetoric. One change too many in one statement.
H: Clowns everywhere mehn. “Only change needed is that of the constitution and not the man at the helm of affairs.” Total clowns!
Sol: We need both. Structural and personal. That’s why we vote. So we can change personalities who need to go. Simple.
H: Whatever, man.
- BOKO HARAM: WE’LL FIGHT SIDE BY SIDE WITH YOU – US.
H: The Americans look quite ready to pitch in on this war. Laudable, really.
Sol: Laughable, you say? No, it’s not. At least, Shekau won’t find it funny. Dude, the greatest army on the planet wants to ride with us into battle. See, nothing is gonna stop us now.
H: Yeah… That’s why I said it was “Laudable.”
Sol: Oh. Okay. These are great times.
H: So it appears
4. SALARY AGITATION: IGP WARNS AGAINST BREACH OF DISCIPLINE
Sol: Sigh. Here’s a crazy idea: How about they just pay the Cops their due so they can get on with their job of keeping us all safe?
H: Just what I thought, yo.
Sol: On the flip side though, well played by the Cops. What better time to threaten to go on strike than at a time when your services are in critical demand? Well played your move, IGP.
H: Talk about perfect timing.
5. FLYING EAGLES’ BUS CRASHES IN GHANA
H: What’s this about though?
Sol: This is why the Eagles don’t take the bus, fam. Number of crashes when they fly – like they were designed to: zilch.
H: Can’t nobody decipher your complexity here though.
Sol: LOL…Well, thankfully, there was no casualty. More importantly, we won the game.
- MORE TERRORISTS DIE AS AIR CAMPAIGN YIELDS RESULTS IN SAMBISA AND GWOZA – DEPARTMENT OF DEFENCE
Sol: Didn’t even know the Department of Defence had a blog. Well, nothing like the steady demise of terrorists to get you chatty, I’ll say.
H: One hopes their representatives know the right URL though. Because, NSCDC.
H: I’m telling you.
- FG TO MAKE FIRST DEGREE MINIMUM REQUIREMENT FOR TEACHING
Sol: So… NCE just about to go extinct, right?
H: Pretty much. The FG wants to ensure that the quality of our educational system benefits from an influx of first degree holders who will help raise the standard.
S: As should be.
H: But then, one hopes there are provisions for other classes of graduates to fit into the systems though. Because, “classless” society.
Thank you for reading this edition of The Late Post. Join us again for tomorrow’s rundown.
Written by: @Soloxpress & @ChibuzoHI