This is NOT the beginning of My Dubai Chronicles; click here to read the previous episode.
On our way out, our once-Nigerian-friend-now-Dubai-based Mohammed Grema decided to start the night with 3 fresh 2015 Lexus ES’ for transportation to the club.
Standing at the front of the hotel as the three black sedans pulled up felt like a Dubai remake of Coming To America with Segun Demuren as King Jaffe Joffer.
The drive from H Hotel to White Dubai had me feeling some sort of way with skyscrapers leading the way and the cars fragranced with a fantastic cocktail of cologne as my boys spread to “impress” & “intimidate” anything that moves and occupies space.
On getting to the club, I saw an intimating parking lot with luxury sports cars rubbing shoulders with each other and no area boys in sight bothering the owners with “Happy Weekend Sir”.
There were two queues outside, one for “Reservations” and the other for” I just want to club”. I know you are thinking that we were one of the “I just came to party”? Nah, You can’t be in any town and just happen to be at any club with Banky W without getting reservations sorted out.
While we were in the queue waiting for the VIP manager Emelie Leandersson to come get us, Ebuka saw this lady with an incomplete brows and then asked me;
Ebuka: “Nna, why is her brow incomplete?”
Nobs: “Maybe she’s got the remaining part in her clutch.”
Ebuka: “Then why did she leave them half drawn?”
Nobs: “She does not want anyone to steal them while she os standing in line.”
Ebuka: “You are a fool, in fact; I’m tired of this friendship.”
Ladies, on a serious note, if you need to shave your natural brows to draw them back in then you should make sure they are properly drawn before you leave your house.
A face without brows makes you look like a female local dog. Fix Up!
But I digress.
Emelie took us in to what I’d love to describe as the most amazing outdoor club I’ve ever set my eyes on in this lifetime.
It was on the roof of the building with flashing lights and happy people all over the place.
The DJ was playing House music when we walked in and even though I’m not a fan of house music, I loved it at that very moment.
She took us to our table and we immediately asked that they take out the sofas because we are Nigerians, We don’t know “chill”, we stand on chairs in the club and there was no way we were going to sit down for a minute in a club that closes at 3am. Mbanu, not when Onye Ocha is serving us drink.
I love having a good time and as a result, I’ve been to clubs in different parts of the world and one thing stands out; most Nigerians are too busy forming “posh” to have fun in Nigerian clubs.
Ladies dress in tight outfits, uncomfortable heels and spend the night out updating Instagram while sitting down in the club while the men think they are in competition with the other men by trying to outdo each other on the number of drinks on their tables.
At White Dubai, it was different and when some Dubai boys couldn’t take all the shouting from us, they ordered bottles of Ace of Spade and started pouring them on the floor.
From the lights keeping us awake and bright, to the girls dancing in extra large bowls filled with water, that night, we stood on the chairs, signing to each song at the top of our voices, celebrating friendship and taking it all in.
To cap it all, Sara Bolay whispered to me “Nigerian men know how to have fun”; my eyes turned white.