We can all agree that Nigeria is a very stressful country; especially the busy metropolitan states like Lagos, Abuja, Port-harcout, Calabar etc. You have to deal with waking up as early as 4-5 in the morning in order to beat traffic and avoid getting to work late. If you don’t have a car, you will have to be concerned about getting a bus (for those in lag) without getting your clothes dirtied or ruined by the hustle. Then you get to work and it’s almost as if all the work in the office is on your desk and you have to eat biscuits and a drink for lunch because you can’t afford to go on lunch break and miss your deadline. After working over time, you have to still struggle with the bus and traffic. You get home very late and you are very tired, grumpy and hungry; all you want to do is just eat and go to bed. Shower is not even on your mind, much less your cozy up with the boo. It’s not as if you don’t want to talk or play the loving spouse role, you are just too tired and the thought of going through the same thing the next day is making you even weaker. Coupled with all that, you have bills to sort and some other issues weighing you down. And then, the girl starts to complain how much he loves his work more than he loves her, how he doesn’t have time for her and all that. He wants to be a good man to you but he is stressed and until you figure how to deal with it, your relationship will crumble in no time.
Stress is almost part of daily routine and is a relationship killer. Here are some of the steps to take in dealing with all forms of stress in your relationship:
#1. Recognize the stress symptoms: we all have a peculiar habit when were are stressed. It could be drinking, smoking, pacing, being cranky, jumpy or for some people, wanting to be alone. Once you have been able to recognise your spouse’s stress induces habit, you can them start thinking of approaching him.
#2. Approach your partner: once you see him acting stressed, ask what is wrong with him in a way that shows you care and you are worried about him. Most guys talk with their friends more than they talk with their wives because they are afraid she may not understand or add to the stress. Do not make him feel as if he is beinf interrogated. You try a romantic approach like cooking him a very delicious meal and some of his favourite snacks to go with it. You could do so many things to get him to relax enough before you start probing him. Sex has also been said to be a very good way to get him to loosen up.
#3. Listen: if you care enough to want to know what’s going on with your man, you should care enough to actually listen to him. Don’t stop him in between words to condemn him. Show him that you understand everything he is saying. Even if you’ve warned him against the thing before, never judge him.
#4: Comfort Him: many women skip this part. When he is done talking, comfort him. Say sweet words to him. Tell him how smart he is and how he is brave and strong enough to see the problem through. Pray with him, if you can. These little gestures proves how much you really care about him and his problems. Don’t go into a cursing spree or judging spree, it will only push him away from you.
#5. Ask him what you can do to help: he may tell you not to worry or that he will soon have everything under control but that should not stop him from asking him what you can do to help. Be his friend, give him a shoulder to cry on.
#6. Provide solution: if it something you can help with, do it. If he needs money and you have enough to spare, give him. There is nothing bad in helping your partner out when he really needs it. There’s no relationship rule that says men do all the giving and women do the receiving. If you can’t, provide sensible and tangible advice that can turn the situation around.
All in all, stand by your man in his troubled times. Once you can talk about what’s stressing him and you both have looked for a way to solve the problem, communication becomes easier and man finds more reason everyday to trust you with his everything.