How Joan Rivers Wanted Her Funeral

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Comediennne Joan Rivers passed away on Thursday at the age of 81.

In her book, I Hate Everyone… Starting with Me – which was released in 2012 – Rivers wrote a word or too about how she wanted her funeral to be.

“When I die (and yes, Melissa, that day will come; and yes, Melissa, everything’s in your name,)” Joan wrote, referencing her only child, daughter Melissa Rivers. “I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action.”

“I want Craft services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene!” she insisted. “I want it to be Hollywood all the way. I don’t want some rabbi rambling on; I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents. I don’t want a eulogy; I want Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing ‘Mr. Lonely.’ I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive. I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag. And I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing just like Beyonce’s.” 

RIP, Joan Rivers.



Quo non Ascendam. Writer. E-mail:

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