Relationship Resolutions

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I checked up the meaning of resolution on dictionary.com, and these are the meanings that came up

1 – A formal expression of opinion or intention made, usually after voting, by a formal organization, a legislature, a club, or other group.

2 – A decision or determination; a resolve: to make a firm resolution to do something.

3 – The act determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc.; the act of resolving.

4 – Firmness of purpose; the mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute

5 – The act or process of separating into constituent or elementary parts or resolving.

Now, looking at the 5 definitions above, we can pick out some certain strong words that connote almost the same thing; Intention, decision, determination, resolve, firmness of purpose, and act. And trust me, if you are to move forward in anything in life, among other things you would need to do and probably communicate, are one or all of those words.

At the beginning of every year, millions of people make their New Year resolutions. Many of us at the beginning of this year resolved to lose weight, save more money, live a more disciplined life, get married, and other things in that light. But you will discover that the people who have made any sort of advancement in those areas of life where they resolved to make improvement; are only those who have stuck faithfully to their resolutions. But, one resolution that we rarely hear about is “Let’s work on our relationship” and for the purpose of this article, I am talking about two people in a relationship – a loving relationship.

Unlike other personal resolutions, relationship resolutions are for two people who are ready to move forward in that aspect of their lives. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of people can survive without falling or being in love with someone else. They just want to live all by themselves for the rest of their lives for whatever reasons. But if you want to be in a loving relationship with someone, whether a member of the opposite sex or same sex, you need the right atmosphere to move forward. And the atmosphere must include two of you because a relationship is worth fighting for, but NOT when you are the only one fighting.

Now, I don’t just look up to people I barely know especially celebrities or religious leaders and conclude that I want my relationship/marriage to be like theirs. I don’t live with them, so I can’t say exactly what they do behind closed doors. Besides, I have had the priviledge of being close to few celebrities and Pastors, and it will shock you to know what their marriages are like beyond the glam and glitz of the red carpet and billboards. I have only one couple as role model in my relationship and when I get married; my grandparents. Yes, I know you are surprised, but I started staying with them since I was 4 when I lost my parents, and though I had seen them arguing especially when I was a kid, I never saw them NOT talking to each every morning. My grandpa’s room is upstairs and my grandma’s is downstairs in the adjoining 2- room – bungalow shared by her and my grandpa’s older brother’s wife. My grandfather would come downstairs to greet everyone in the morning, and my grandma will also come upstairs to do same and have some small talk before going out to the farm or market. And they have been doing this every morning since I knew them. Now my grandpa is a very meek person, but grandma is “fire-for-fire” yet they have been living happily for the past 64 years. So I asked him when I grew up a little how they have been able to cope without keeping malice (to the best of my knowledge) for a day. He replied “My son, no woman is totally bad, and no woman is absolutely good; a woman that is the devil to you, might be an angel to someone else. You only have to make up your mind to love the one you marry. Just make sure you marry the one that you believe is good enough for you, and she must also believe that you are good enough for her, somehow you guys will live through your lives in happiness as I have been living with your grandma” that was many years ago. Today, my grandpa cannot move around that much but grandma is still as strong as ever. And their love has not waxed cold one bit.

So, where am I going? Why am I telling stories? Lots of us young people would leave our partners just because we meet someone new who suddenly makes us laugh the more, and fill our tummies with a thousand butterflies when they smile. But few years down the lane, when the butterflies are all gone, we start to see our folly, and we now realize that feelings alone do not sustain a relationship/marriage; making resolutions and sticking with them daily does. So, what are some resolutions you should look at making in your relationship, even if it is not the New Year yet?

  • How do we speak to each other?  Is it loving, is it respectful? What about tone of voice?
  • When my partner is talking, am I listening to understand or am I listening with the intent to reply and rebuff?
  • Am I giving my partner what is left-over of me from my other relationship/friendship, or am I giving my whole being into the relationship?
  • How do we resolve big issues? How do we handle arguments? Are we having arguments to separate or to understand each other the more by way of correction?
  • Do we keep a scorecard on each other? Do we appreciate each other when we do things for one another, or we just stick with our sense of entitlement?
  • Are we spending quality time together or avoiding each other?
  • Do we feel as though the relationship is balanced? If no, what can we do to achieve balance?
  • Do we express affection to each by way of saying “I love you” and acting it? Or do we just assume the other person knows?
  • Are our communications gadgets and virtual friends taking more of our time when we are together? Do we rather spend time on Twitter, Facebook, BBM, chatting away than concentrating on doing things together with our partner?
  • Do we hold on to disappointments and transgressions and open ‘a book of remembrance’ to consult anytime our partner hurt us intentionally or accidentally?
  • Has trust been broken? If yes, how do we go back to the early days? How do we bring back the fun and never let it escape?

I can’t list everything you need to make resolutions on, but start from the ones I listed and add yours, and before you know it, your relationship will remain new, year in, year out. And you will stay happy in your relationship/marriage till your old age just like my grandparents. Stay Safe

 

Christopher Bamidele

Christopher Bamidele

Chris Bamidele is a passionate and unapologetic Nigerian; an amateur writer and aspiring TV director who holds a first degree in Mass Communication, but majored in Radio and TV Broadcasting. He is cool headed, a realist, and an optimist to the core. Chris Bamidele blogs African stories on www.degreatest2.wordpress.com and tweets @degreatest2. He currently lives in Lagos.

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