Lamentations Of An Ugly Girl – Episode 16 (#LOAUG)

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After a few days and a lot more calls, Bola called us to dress-up that she was taking us out.

“Taking us out at 3pm in this terrific traffic” Viv replied

“Abeg, are we going to trek nii? If I don’t come nah, you go complain, pata-pata we’d be back tomorrow,” she answered.

“Wait o, where are we going gan-an?” I asked.

“Around town, watch a movie, drive around town take you on excursion to the museum and other places in Lagos you have not seen” she replied

“In the next 30 minutes, don reach here o,” Viv said

“Yes madam” Bola replied before hanging up.

Ordinarily, I would have been in a scramble to find what to wear but now that I stay with my stylist; there is an appreciable reduction in time, she picked a jean over a fluffy polka dot dress that looked well on me.

About an hour later, Bola kept hooting continuously outside.

“That must be Bola,” Viv said using her hand to fit in her shoes. Waiting outside was Bola who was typing away on the buttons of her Blackberry making her Gold wristwatch conspicuous.

Viv tapped gently on her window before opening the door. In feigned surprise, she sarcastically screamed “oh God, T-lines, can I have an autograph, oh God, the queen of Ibadan in Lagos “oh God”.

“Will you open the door before I come in through the window?” I asked pretending paying no attention to her dramatics.

“Pele” she said as she fiddled with the buttons on her door.

“Viv had already had her phone camera on and was taking pictures, I was about to ask her why: like she read my mind, she answered  “we do this all the time to spite Liz, come close, fun face” the light from camera seemed to sit on my eyes.

“Seatbelt” Bola hollered at Viv as she turned on the ignition.

This was probably my third time out, I wondered if everyone in this estate lived very conservatively as Viv’s family did. Bola’s voice snapped me out of my thought. “Let’s go to the galleria now” Viv nodded in agreement.

“Why don’t we go the Palms?” I exclaimed coz of the Davido screaming “All of You” from the car stereo.

“When you guys come over we’d go; the galleria is a lot closer”.

“What do I know to argue?” I answered.

“On a bad girls P” Viv said aloud as she took another picture while typing furiously on her phone, she was probably forwarding them to Liz.

“Don’t kill yourself, use this one to take better selfie”, she said, her face squarely on the road but her hand passing Viv a phone.

“Philips Mobolanle” Viv shouted.

I was about correcting her pronunciation of Mobolanle when I saw Viv hand. Iphone 5.

“Barr. Philips, go jand ni o, she say make she elevate her daughter”

“Which day she no dey jand” I teased. I seemed to have cut her short

“But have no fear, my Blackberry friends, I’ll always be with you” she continued, raising her Blackberry with her left hand. Viv was already taking selfies,

“But you know you cannot hide your lines with this one o, Tola” Viv said pulling me into the picture with her spare hand.

“Na you know” my usual answer when I don’t have a witty retort. I told Viv to hand me the phone when she was done but in her usual manner of self-adulation, she took pictures of herself from different with different pouts.

Not wanting to believe like the obvious Jolly Just Come, I buried myself in my phone occasionally humming along to the Davido’s songs playing from the car stereo instead of looking around and asking for the locations and direction.

“She say she dey lonely”, I sang along to Davido’s Gbon Gbon when the car came to a halt in front of a giant edifice with S galleria written at the top. We got out onto the interlocking floor; everyone else seemed to be dressed for a party. You could clearly distinguish teeming teenagers in their coloured pants and high tops with snap back hats and these chains that they call gold.

We quickly did a tour round the galleria from Domino’s store, to the spa on the ground floor to the lifestyle section before heading for the cinema. We opted for Iron Man3.

I have read all sorts of review, it will be nice to finally watch it sef” I said as the counter attendant smiled and handed Bola our ticket. The movie was suppose to start 15 minutes later so we stood by the railing making random comments about people below.

The sudden change in lightening impaired the thoughts of reply I was about to give. We found our seats and as soon as I sank into it, I knew it would be a very long nap. Nothing could deprive me of my nap. As the film progressed, I took short, (5mins-10mins) nap per time. By the time, we were done, I personally think “Iron Man3” is overrated *dodges the stones*, not like I watched any of the previous ones before sha *dodges tomato* (ok sorry, I will go and watch it again). We hung out little going to check for some music albums and I finally bought my Blackmagic Version 2.0. It just seems that Kome tied a string to me with Music because every time I buy or listen to good Nigerian music, I always remember her.

“This is the reason we can’t do IT in that house”. Viv said, showing her phone’s screen. “Mum, I’m coming just around the corner already”.

“Na una bus stop be dis.” Bola said as she opened the auto-lock.

“Bola thank you o” I said just before we got down

“Where is my phone, this one that you are saying thank you” she retorted.

“Someone cannot say thank you again?”

“For you, thank you is the aftermath of a robbery” Bola gave a classic reply, something I would have expected from Liz.

“Welcome o”, Viv’s mum greeted us sarcastically.

“I just went to see Bola, my friend,” she explained before her mum started ranting in Igbo.

“It’s time to run away o. We would have to go to my brother place by Saturday,” Viv said as soon as we got in the room.

P.S: I am a writer although I might not be able to tell my story adeptly but I can do that completely and truthfully.



MEET T-LINES for the past 13weeks or more you have been reading the escapades and sexcapades of Tolani Gbadamosi popularly known as Lines. Somehow, someway, somewhere in your hearts resonante some sort of emotion albeit love hate, pity and even happiness and i am glad that you have taken this series very seriously and read religiously week in and week out. Now is the time y’all finally meet me. I am Gbadamosi Tolani, a character created by writer Oluwabi Mobolaji,who is a reader’s writer and a writer’s reader and yes I am a guy….. scratch that I am a man before you start with your after thoughts. Surprised ehn. Catch me as I blog irregularly on .follow me on twitter @embijay and keep with the hashtag #loaug while you enjoy the rest of your favorite series. Ciao


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