I was talking with my 17 year old brother and some of his friends one day and as usual, we talked about those things boys like discussing including love, girls and sex. At first, I thought they were too young to know anything serious about these things but I was shocked. It turned out age does not stop experience or show experience; those boys knew so much that my jaw was constantly dropping. It all started when one of the boys asked my brother about a particular girl and my brother hissed and said “abeg, close that one’s matter jare”. He asked why and I asked why too because I knew how crazy my brother was about the girl; he had shown signs of a boy in love some months ago, regularly talking about her, calling her, going to visit her and buying things for her, so you can imagine the shock when he told us to close that “one’s” matter as if she never mattered to him. My brother at first ignored our question and shifted the topic to the FIFA game he was teaching me how to play. I was too curious to allow that slip by so I asked him again.
The answer I got was heartbreaking, he has slept with the girl and so, his love and respect died with the sex. He said something about the girl only being enticed to the things he got for her and did not love him for who he was. I asked what he knew about love and he said I should forget about that, all he knows is that he could get any girl in his bed as long as he can pay the price. Pretend to be all for them, get the cookie and then discard them. I was like Ah and he said “forget that jor. Girls want love, we want sex. We will give one to get the other”. I was speechless. I could have discarded this as juvenile talk except embedded in it was bitter truth. Some guys are only after the thing underneath a girl’s skirt and would go the extra mile just to get it. The love would seem all genuine at first and then suddenly, when he has gotten tired of her, he would be too quick to get rid of her. And then girls would say all men are dogs and those guys would say every girl is a hoe just because they have had quite enough in bed with them.
I tried having a heart to heart discussion with him about how he should treat a girl but it was as if his heart had been made up and he told me he would stop doing that till he finds a girl worthy of his everything. I asked if he knew what that girl would go through. He said, she would move on, find another guy that will buy her flashy things and then get messed up again. I just stood there dumbfounded, too stunned to utter another word. I started wondering who to actually pour the blame on. Is it the girl that thought every glittering thing was gold or the guy that thought any woman could be bought with fake glitters? Maybe it is the society we should blame for carving an unrealistic niche for girls and boys to follow; if he doesn’t call you every minute, buy you things, take you out, he doesn’t love you. If she doesn’t sleep with me, she doesn’t love me. What happens when you find out the diamond you had was just a stone coated with a silver paint? What happens when you find out everything was just fake. Keep trying till you hit jackpot, right? Then you hear something like you use what you have to get what you want, the mantra that has killed many girls.
It is so sad that people love each other these days until money or sex, do them part.