How to Love a Nigerian Man and Still be Boss

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Let me start by stating the obvious. A typical Nigerian man is very egotistic. You can’t expect to be his woman and yet rub shoulders with him. That will never ever work. His definition of a relationship is ‘I lead, you follow.’ And if you tune your ears well, you’ll hear ‘I own you’.

I have always been an advocate of women being independent whether they are with a man or not. And let me define what I mean because in this part of the world, once the word ‘independence’ and ‘women’ come in the same sentence, people’s antennae go up. An independent woman simply means a woman who take care of herself and is contented financially, emotionally or otherwise whether a man is in her life or not. It does not mean she does not need a man; it means she has an identity and does not need to be defined by anyone.

Having said that, I will be addressing the independent woman who wants to love and be with a typical Nigerian man and still maintain her identity. Here’s how to.

1. Treat Him like a King. Respect Him. Don’t talk him down. Show him a deep admiration for his abilities, qualities and achievements. You don’t have to go on your knees before him to show that you respect him. And treating him like a king doesn’t make you less.

How to be boss? Only a queen knows how to take care of a king.

2. Be Faithful. The worst thing you can do to a Nigerian man is cheat on him. Don’t even try it. He is the one and only in your life. Even if he cheats on you, do not retaliate; you’ll have no one as your support when shit hits the fan. Simply walk out of the relationship if he strays. But while you’re with him, you have to be 100% faithful.

How to be boss? A faithful woman is already at the top of the list. You earn any man’s respect by being faithful.

3. Take Care of Him. A Nigerian man loves to be cared for by his woman and this entails preparing his favorite meals, cleaning up his house/room, handling his laundry (if you want to stretch it far) and ensuring that he is generally in good condition. He wants to know you care. His mother has done a pretty fine job of that for him. He wants you to continue where she left off.

How to be boss? Be honest with yourself from the beginning about what you can or cannot do for him. Before you met him, he did his own chores. Remind him of that. Meeting his needs occasionally shows you are performing acts of love; doing it regularly shows you’re performing a duty.

4. Sex Him like a Pro. Nigerian men talk about wanting a good girl in bed or something like that but in the end they complain when you are not responsive. They do not like inexperienced girls. So, here’s my honest advice to you: be a freak in bed. If you are good in doing the thing, don’t hide it. Blow his mind the whole 9 inches yards. He might be worried about how you got so skilled but he’ll get over it soon when he discovers you are faithful.

How to be boss? Like I said, just blow his mind and he’ll always duff his hat for you.

5. Respect His Family. This is no joke. Especially his mother, you have to kiss her ass big time. You cannot score high by being stubborn on this point. Once a Nigerian man introduces you to his family, it means he’s ready to take it far and if you meet them and start acting all pig-headed, he will dump you. Many a Nigerian man have left their women because their families said no. So, score high on this one and it shall go well with you.

How to be boss? Be yourself with them. Don’t kiss the floor they walk on or you’ll do that forever. Just be cordial and respect them. Compromise on some things but be known to be your own person by saying no to other things.

6. Be Religious. Most Nigerian men believe in God. They might not all be religious but they want their women to be. They want women who would hold up the spiritual front for them. Once I heard my husband telling his friend with a proud smile, “she prays for me.” You might be an atheist or agnostic or not of his religion but he has chosen to love you the way you are, then you should show some respect for his faith, at least. Follow him to church once in a while. If he’s a Muslim, learn about Islam or dress as a Muslim woman on the occasion.

How to be boss? Don’t just speak ill of his God for whatever reason but don’t allow him drown your own beliefs.

7. Give Him His Personal Space. This is not peculiar to just Nigerian men. All men love their personal space. Allow him time with his guys, his family and his hobbies. Don’t cramp his space.

How to be boss? Find your own thing to do. Hanging around your man all the time would make you dependent on him and you don’t want that.

8. Know How to Cook. There’s no escaping this one, I’m afraid. It is probably one of the tests you’ll undergo with him and with his family. And to emphasize, you must learn how to cook the meals he loves, the ones his mother always made for him. If you don’t learn this, he will stay out to eat another woman’s meals.

How to be boss? Have him help out with the ingredients while you cook. Ask his presence in the kitchen; tell him to keep you company or help with the dishes as you cook. You can also lure him there by wearing something really sexy. Make your meal time special occasions so that he looks forward to each time you cook.

9. Ditch your male BFF. I’m sorry but that male best friend has to become just one of the guys. He and your man cannot share the same space. Nigerian men do not understand the concept of a woman having a close male friend when she already has a man. No matter how platonic your relationship with your friend is, your Nigerian man will see him as competition. Here are some of his thoughts:

if we have a fight, does she tell him?

when we fight, does she run to him and he holds her to comfort her?

has he seen her naked?

have they gone beyond friendship before?

how can he not be attracted to her? she’s damn sexy

doesn’t she know he’s just trying to get into her pants?

why is she even having a male best friend?

who the f*ck does he think he is forming best friend with my woman?

How to be boss? Good friendships are hard to come by and you don’t want to throw one away because your man says so. Simply limit your time with said best friend and let your man know the sacrifice you’re making but also tell him you can’t totally ditch your friend.

10. Do Not Take Gifts From Other Men. Like seriously, don’t. A Nigerian man would tell you “bae, if he bought you that handbag and pair of shoes, you better be in his bed, not mine.” Yes, they are that jealous. They own you as a woman and would proudly call you their property. Hence, do not take gifts from other men asides your man. As much as he is proud to know he has a woman that is desired by other men, he doesn’t want you to have anything with them.

How to be boss? Show him why you’re still desired. Dress hot, maintain your weight and be sexy. Suggest outings so that he can appreciate what he has when other men ogle you. That will remind him to love you as you deserve.

11. Be Feminine. Whether you’re a tomboy or just full of womanliness, maintain your femininity. A woman who acts like a man and rubs shoulders with her man is not appreciated in Nigeria. Even if you’re a boss at work, drop your ranks when you’re in his arms. Maintain the things that make you female like nice hair, nice nails, a clean appearance, clear skin, an alluring scent, light makeup, a gentle nature and a happy face.

How to be boss? Concentrate on inner virtues that show your strength while on the outside you appear subtle. One of my favorite phrases I heard from a man about his wife was, “Forget her angel face o, she’s a lioness inside; my lioness.”

12. Be Wise and Smart. Foolish women don’t make the cut in Nigeria. You’ll get cheated on, abused and find yourself at the bottom of very man’s list. As much as a Nigerian man doesn’t want you smarter than him, he is also not interested in a dumb woman. He wants you to keep him on his toes with your intelligence. Many ladies believe an outward appearance gets them the man but the truth is intelligence and wisdom are more important when he starts to think of a long term relationship.

How to be boss? You can’t fail with this one. Just use your brains.

13. Be Hard-working. No food for lazy man is a popular saying around here. There’s nothing as unappealing as a woman who is slothful and expects her man to do all the work. Nigerian men work hard for their money, no joke. In the end, they want women who would have the skills to maintain what they have worked for, and not squander it. Find something your hands can do if you don’t have a job. No one is born without a talent.

How to be boss? This is one place you can be boss and diva at the same time. Be hard working and no man will treat you less than you are worth.


Nigerian men are the best men in the world, forget what you’ve been told. Yes, there are bad ones and I’ve gotten my own taste of them. But then there are bad men everywhere else in the world.

Nonetheless, I speak in defence of my Nigerian brothers when I say, they are the best. Once they love, they love and contrary to what you believe, you can actually get them to make you the center of their world and be faithful to you.

So, against all that you’ve heard or experienced whether you’re a Nigerian woman or not, I’m suggesting you give a Nigerian man a try today and see how it goes.



Sally is the author of the Fish Brain series and Boys With Toys. She has written other online series like The Immortals’ Code, No heart Feelings, Novocaine Knights, To Tame a Virgin and In Pursuit of Kyenpia. She lives in Lagos with her husband and kids and loves the occasional bar lounging with friends. She blogs on or you can follow her on Twitter @NovocainKnights


  1. I’m not Nigeria women but I like a Nigerian man. this will help me. tnx for the info. wow
    but why must they be boss tho

  2. For the first 2 months of my relationship with my Nigerian boyfriend , we clashed constantly . I did not understand why we couldn’t just get along. I am very independent and he constantly accused me of trying to control him even though I was adamant that I wasnt. But since I took this kind of approach mentioned in this article, I can definitely say our relationship is more pleasant and fun.
    Initially I found it offensive when he said things like ‘you’re my property’ and I’d most certain voice my disapproval for that kind of language but now I can actually have fun and joke with it.

    Great article

  3. am presently dating a nigerian man but i find it hard to understand him cos he got his own way of showing love to me.sometimes i think he does not love me at i will follow what has been said cos i love him and i dnt want to loose him.

  4. I met a Nigerian man online and have fallen in love with him. I love his confidence and coolness in situations. He is never afraid to talk about anything. The thing is he can’t leave Nigeria because he has no job or money. I can’t finance it either. Online he turned out to be a catfish. He willingly revealed himself to me and we still have
    A good relationship. Yes he was a scammer and tried to get $ from me but didn’t. I would love to meet him in person. I am much older than he is but he says that doesn’t matter that I am perfect for him. I love his “sweet-mouth” and most everything about him. He seems so in-tune with women’s feelings, wants and needs. There is so much good about him. I would love to be with him.

    1. Would you not go there? I traveled to Lagos on my own last year from London, I am now married to my hubby and was the best thing I ever did, I didn’t meet him online though I met him through his uncle whom is my long time friend.

      Just be careful with online, especially the yahoo boys ok, have you skyped?

    2. As I read your post, this Nigerian sounds really close to my Nigerian friend who also lives in Lagos. Its so common to hear these things about these men especially those in Lagos. This friend of mine also tried to get $ out of me and failed. He is still befriending me. He speaks of getting an education in USA often. Maybe you and I can talk and compare notes making sure we are not conversing with the same Nigerian.

  5. This article is full of crap. Nigerian men are evil manipulative users. They lie, cheat and manipulate women. Never again for me!

    1. i am married to a Nigerian man… I am so in love with him but he is so boring sometimes… He don’t like to go out with me… It have me thinking that he don’t want to be seen with me. What can I do about this problem that I have..

  6. I’m British and my Husband is Nigerian, I have to say he is the most amazing partner I could have ever wished for, treats me like a Queen, I took the time to learn to cook his food and I am learning to Speak Yoruba now (wish me luck), I work hard too, so does he and he actually helps around the house and shares the cooking with me, we do it together, even though I tell him he can relax that i will do it, he always tells me that our marriage is 50/50, he cooks cleans, irons and an amazing lover and husband, we never fight or argue we are so much alike 🙂

    I have been to Lagos twice now and got stuck in with the normal tradition ways of life, I didn’t want to stay in hotels, I wanted to experience live as it is in Nigeria, and I have to say I love it, the culture is so lovely and his family and friends welcomed me into their home with open arms and made me feel apart of the family.

    I will always fight to keep our marriage alive, now to try and bless him with twins hehe 🙂

  7. 2. Be faithful. This is certainly true but be warned it definitely doesn’t work both ways. My husband has had numerous flings and has kids all over the place. (I am currently working on my revenge. It is a dish best served cold after all.)

    4. Hmm, good in bed? Not all Nigerian men want their women good in bed. I used to do lots sexually for my husband until one day he said to me that he wished I would just lay still and take it quietly. I was dumbfounded. I should say at this point that I’m white and English. I now get my jollies elsewhere!

  8. I have been with my partner for two years now we have a one year old daughter together. The thing is we don’t live together and when ever I talk about getting marriage he says we never gonna get married, I tried all of what you said but no progress made. Yet we still sleeping together and all,but I want more…

    1. Im currently dating a nigerian man for 4 mos . And i couldnt understand why is he like that .. i really dont understand . Sometimes i feel special somtimes he dumped me i dont understand we just move out from his former house and now he told to find a new house . So were like staying together but now always coz i have work and hes not always arround . Sometimes when im coming home from work hes out for 6 days or 5 days . When we are not together he dosnt text me nor call me . Im feeling confused should i still hold into him or not i really love him but its too much i need ur advice thanks btw im a filipina

  9. Nigerian men can turn a woman into a completely mad woman. They are manipulative, pretenders, they want a woman to be an angel whereas they themselves are Devils first child. They are extremely selfish and always want to eat their cake and have it at the same time. Nigerian men belittle women And make women lose their self confidence. In short, Nigerian men are evil bastards.

  10. I am currently in a relationship with a Nigerian guy. He treats me so bad in the name of testing my patience and wanting me to be perfect for him. He forgot he is not perfect himself. Am currently going through so much pain he puts me through like I call him now, the next minute, he switches his phone off. He later says he did it cos he’s teaching me how to be patient. I love him a lot, been with him for two years now but the pain he puts me through is just too much all in the name of teaching me to be perfect and I am almost going crazy. He’s turned me into a confused woman.

    1. Hello Anike, sorry for your pain. The thing is, just like with any other nationality, there will always be the bad ones, That being said, I think you deserve better and should look elsewhere. No one deserves to be treated badly by who they love

      1. I’m a south African with a Nigerian man we have 2cute daughters and I’m telling u I curse the day I ever fallen for him! He’s everything I ever looked for in a man but the pains he put me through are worse than death itself! His ego is way too much! I have been emotionally abused! Mentally abused! He’ll belittles me at any given time in front of any1. Can’t even mention the cheating! I’m a former model and beautiful I stayed hoping n praying things will get better for my kids sake but I realised that just a fairytale so I eventually moved out! I found out he has 5,kids in Nigeria with two different woman! Biggest regret of my life was ever letting me in my heart! …my daughters are the best thing ever happened to me and I’m glad it’s over!

  11. Thank u for this article…i am a 38 yr old American Black woman dating a Nigerian man 9 years my junior. He lives in the same state i live in. He is truly a sweetheart and says things to me and treats me in great, unbelievable ways. He’s intelligent, studying for his graduate degree. The tips you point out, will help me know his culture better. I dont know what our future holds, but im enjoying the journey.

  12. What about when he assaults you and tells you he’s going to mess your life up. Like the one I knew did. A bully who treated women like crap. And ran when I stood up to him. Cowards

  13. I have one I’ve dated for three years we are to marry soon…the difference about me is…I know who I am..a man does not define me..I will leave you where I found you. I’m giving him a try in good faith..I love him but I am no fool….I keep my heart open and eyes.. this is my advice. Love hard but be a guardian of it too…does that make sense? He knows my culture and I know his…this is what I told him…I said you respect mine. I will respect yours but I have a voice in my home and don’t place me under your shoe…if that don’t work then we need not marry. We just agreed we matter and respect each other. We will see how that works.

  14. Good Day all…
    I am a S.A. and I am white… Where to begin fell madly in love. Which i never intend on doing… But oh so charming and will say anything to whip off your feet…
    I have been on an almost very emotional, mentally rollercoaster for two years of my life. He was abusive to me when he was drunk. But blamed me for turning him into a dragon/monster. He belittled me, screamed and swore and told me it was my fault. He would leave an not come home until I become very ill and I have discovered now I am hiv positive to being hiv negative before the relationship.
    He rejected me & would not talk to me for 2 weeks when i found out – i was the one having affairs or cheating. I would never. I was very loyal and faithful. I went to work and came home that was My life.
    My heart still hurts and breaks to think what I went through and what I am still going to go through now.
    I think of others that are not thinking of there health-sexually.
    Please take care. There is only one you.

  15. I am a Nigerian man. Currently resides in the States and married to a Nigerian Lady for 3 years (dated for 3 years as well). I love her and I make her the center of my life. She is my rock as well. We understand each other very well. You are absolutely correct, smartness and intelligence are the most important attributes I crave in a lady. My wife has a degree in Accounting and I encouraged her to apply for big administrative education which she did. This job is supposed to pay even way better than I earn… And i am not threatened by it, afterwards we are in the same household. I also have a good paying job. My wife loves this admin job but procrastinated. She also developed this pride that I cannot explain. The feeling that she’s better than everyone else because she’s the boss and drives a Cadillac (I’d rather she drives a big car while I drive a small car, i so not have any problems with that). The pride has extended to me recently, I cannot make decisions in the house ( I hardly make any… women owns the home and I believe that). There are fundamental issues as well, she’s always clashing with my mother. I have verbally threatened my mother because of my wife a while back. Now, she can’t even seem to tolerate any of my family members… while I tolerates hers (i talk to her parents in Nigeria often, she doesn’t even know the phone number of any member of my family let alone call them). Reading this article, I am forced to start thinking maybe I’m the bad guy here because most of the things described here about Nigerian men are true. But I am different to an extent. We argue all the time and she tend to talk to me as if I was her child. Every time we have arguments, it drives me emotionally away from her. It’s fair to say I like her as a person but not in live with her anymore. As I’m typing right now.. she woke me up at 2.12am because I changed the password to my phone…this is 5.04am. I still can’t go back to sleep. I’m afraid I’m going to separate from her.. but my heart weeps for my live of 6.5 years. I have no more will to keep her. It’s emotionally draining for me. We do not have kids yet….sorry for the long post.

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