Love they say is beautiful and perfect. But when you’re in love with a girl who just doesn’t seem to be interested in you, love can feel like the worst experience ever. It could be so frustrating, especially when you feel you’re such a great guy and yet she’s interested in other guys who don’t seem even half as good as you.
You like a girl, you even told her so on one of numerous dates you guys had at the early stage of your friendship, she didn’t object and she didn’t actually agree but you think you should give her time to see the good guy in you. You go on movie dates, outings, and fun trips. And at some point you bring out the love issue again, and she just ignored you and moved on dating another random guy, and you are stuck with a heartbreak that you had to deal with. It is hard; trust me I know it is. Because, I have been on that path plenty of times; and I’ve learnt a few important lessons on that path too.
As guys, all of us have epic egos. We think we’re all perfect definitions of the male species. But more often than not, many of us are flawed. So you think you’re a great guy. But does the world feel the same about you? Sometimes, all we need is a reality check. If a girl you’ve fallen for likes another guy, don’t try convincing yourself that the world sucks because you’re a better guy; she might not just want to date you. You need to move on and be with someone who wants to be with you.
Some years back, I was asking a girl out, but she kept telling me she could only be my friend. But as a guy, I kept hoping she would say yes to me one day especially because she liked coming to my place and we would hang out together, go to the movies and just generally do things together. I didn’t know anything about a friend-zone then, so I just kept doing my bit to impress her and hoping she would soon be my girl. That was before she met some new guy and they started talking all the time. I acknowledged the fact that she was single and she had every right to do whatever she pleased. But seeing her with the new guy made me jealous, and I wanted her to be all mine. I started telling re-affirming my love to her, insisting I wanted more than “just friends”. But the more I pursued her, the further away she drifted from me. And one fine day, she told me that she wanted to end whatever we had because she had started dating this other guy seriously.
Apparently, she liked me a lot, but I just wasn’t the kind of guy she wanted to be in a relationship with. I was angry, bitter and sad. But to be fair to her, she wasn’t dating me as such, we were just close friends and she had the choice to date anyone she liked. So, I thought about it, and realized there was nothing I could do, so I moved on with my heartbreak.
So, in my failed romances and experiences with getting dumped by girls I hadn’t even dated, here are a few things I’ve learnt. And few things you must have in mind yourself.
- A nice guy isn’t always a desirable guy.
Thinking every girl will date you because you are a nice guy; is same thing as thinking every horse in the world will automatically bend their back for you to climb because you are a prince. The fact that a girl tells you you’re a nice guy, or that she loves spending time with you, still doesn’t mean she wants to date you or sleep with you.
- A girl who flirts with you might not want to date/love you.
You have to realize that a girl may flirt with you, she may even be attracted to you, but she still has other reasons to avoid dating you. You might know those reasons or you might not, and they may be reasonable sometimes or not. But don’t start believing she will date you because she flirts with you, you might get your heart broken.
- Human beings change their minds.
You might be intensely attracted to a girl and she is also showing signs of liking you. You guys might be going out on dates, holding hands and initially before you even ask her out formally. To the rest of the world, you guys are dating. But you know you are really not, but there is a chance that it happens pretty soon. But suddenly she starts avoiding you and letting you know being in a relationship with you would be a wrong idea, even if you don’t know why it would be so. Don’t fret too much if this happens, a girl can always change her mind about dating you.
- Accept that life can be unpredictable and unfair.
Deal with it. Sometimes, circumstances are beyond your control. The girl you like may be madly in love with another guy, or she may already be dating someone else seriously, or there may be some other reason. What matters here is that life is unpredictable and sometimes, you just need to accept it. You might be upset and angry initially, but that just won’t help you. Let go of the rage and move on. You win some and you lose some. Enjoy the game of life with no regrets or frustrations.
- Preferences and choices.
Since all have our own choices in the kind of partner we like, the girl you like has a choice to turn you down. When my last relationship ended and I was trying to start a new one, I asked a particular girl out who I thought we were getting close and friendly, but she turned me down because she likes her guy slim and tall, at least that was what she told me. I moved on and I later met my current girlfriend who had no issues with my size or my looks. And you know that if a girl you find unattractive asks you out, you may be flattered, but you’d still turn her down, wouldn’t you? So, know that is it not wrong if a girl does same thing to you.
So, quickly, what do you do to get over a girl who doesn’t want you? How do you deal with it? How do you get over her? Let’s share these few points:
- Realize it takes time:
You have to deal with it. There’s no easy way to get over a girl you truly would have loved to date. All you can do is to keep yourself distracted until the wound (if there is any) heals.
- Shut her from your mind:
Try and stop thinking or brooding over her, if her thoughts come to your mind, think of something else, don’t hurt yourself for no reason.
- Don’t become someone else:
Don’t change your personality around her after she tells you that she doesn’t like you. Don’t behave stiffly or act moody when she’s around. Your plea for attention will fall on deaf ears and she may even avoid you further because you’re acting weird. And you’ll be the only one that’s hurting even more.
- Don’t become a hopeless romantic:
If you try to get drunk or talk endlessly about her, you’re not doing yourself a favor. Don’t keep wooing her or asking her out for the next two years. There is no guarantee she will change her mind.
- Give up:
Before giving up, you can share your feelings with her one or few more times if you really want to, but if she still maintains her stance, give up and never hope for her to say yes again. Keeping your hopes alive will stunt you from becoming a better guy or liking another girl.
- She is not a prize; stop looking at her as one:
Don’t’ tell yourself “If I get richer, she’ll date me,” “If I start behaving better, she’ll date me.” “If I become slimmer/taller, she will date me” These lines will only make you more miserable. You’re only making yourself more vulnerable to rejection and heartbreak.
- Don’t plot revenge.
She has a right to say no to you, just like you have the right to say no to a girl you find unattractive. Accept her choice and move on. She has not offended you in any way; plotting revenge will leave you obsessing about her even more.
- Move on:
This is the best way to get over a girl you like. She said “no” to you, and so? Find someone else to get attracted to; we are more than 7 billion people on this earth. If you make the right moves this time, you’ll definitely get the girl you like and who likes you back, and you’ll get over the girl who rejects you at the same time.