How Not to Be a Sidechick

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Unlike those days when being a man’s mistress was very shameful, being a sidechick these days has almost become a thing to be proud of. Women bear the sidechick title with pride as if it is not an embarrassing thing. Thanks to TV series like Scandal, Love & Hip Hop and Being Mary Jane, the culture of having a sidechick is becoming a societal norm. On the radio, TV, blogs, guys are being advised to have another woman asides their main woman and women are being told to consider the possible benefits of being a man’s sidechick. Women are made to believe they are lucky if a man chose them as a mistress because he may finally leave the real wife or girlfriend for her. Women are being encouraged to embrace their position as sidechicks because it is more beneficial but on careful thoughts, there are no real advantages in being just a man’s booty call. Apart from the material gifts and the steaming sexual sessions, there are no real benefits to becoming any man’s mistress.


Sidechicks are who they are; a man’s sex object with no future. And no woman should ever settle for less than they deserve except you are not the type of lady that wants to be committed and attached to any man. The sidechick title is not a cool one especially when you want more from your relationship.

These are some of the ways to avoid being a sidechick:


#1. DEFINE WHAT YOU NEED: for most people who are sidechicks, they are confused about what they really need from a man. They mistake true love for physical attraction and unfounded emotions which make them settle for whatever it is that comes their way that looks like what they think they need. To avoid being a sidechick, think about what you truly need from a relationship and let that guide your relationship goals and decisions. Do not base on your choice of your immediate needs but long term needs that will sustain and keep the relationship going.


#2. DECIDE WHETHER YOU WANT TO WIN OR BE HAPPY: most of the people who are sidechicks are always about the material things they are getting. They want to flaunt their wealth and expensive gadgets to their friends. You have to understand that every relationship is not about the physical gifts. You don’t have to settle for less just because you are trying to live a fake, extravagant life. No faster way to be a sidechick than to announce to every man you meet that you are “expensive” to maintain, that’s like selling your wares to the highest bidder without putting so much into consideration.


#3. PAY ATTENTION TO YOURSELF: most sidechicks are often so because they are not presentable. Pay close attention to how you look. You do not have to be overdressed and heavily made up before you look beautiful. Be confident with your body and look for ways to improve on your looks. When you are making the decision of looking better, make sure it is for yourself and not for anybody.


#4. ATTITUDE TRIUMPHS OVER EVERYTHING: every man wants a woman that will give him peace of mind and make his life a living hell. If you have a terrible attitude, you can never win a man’s heart. Apart from working on yourself, you have to work on your character and your self esteem to attract the right person that will respect you for who you are. Be confident, be yourself and have an admirable attitude that draw the kind of man you need to you.


#5. NOT HOW HARD BUT HOW WELL: it’s not about hard you try to win a man over but how well you understand what a relationship truly entails. Too much hard work can be a great source of frustration and pain when your efforts are not rewarded with the results you want. Work on your relationship with logic and reason and not with maximum effort.


If you are already a sidechick and you want to stop being one, these are some of the things to do:


#EMBRACE ACCEPTANCE: the first step is accepting the fact that he is with another person and nothing you can do will make him leave her for you.  Accept the fact that other people are very unhappy especially his girlfriend because of you and that the situation is not who you are but who you think your reality is. You also have accept that you can do better and you deserve better.


#LEARN HOW TO BE INDEPENDENT: stop seeing every man as an opportunity to acquire wealth. Look for a job that will give you a chance to get the things you want. Be contented with the little you can get and never date any man just because your friends are dating wealthy guys. Getting a man is never a competition, pick a man because you truly have found what need in him.


#CUT BACK ON THE SEX: since sex is the only reason he is with you, cut back the number of times you have sex with him. Once he is not getting what he wants from you, he will leave you alone.


#START DISCOVERING WHO YOU ARE: start working on yourself. Discover what you want and understand what you are looking out for in a man. Do not build your relationship goals based on fantasies, always be realistic. Put in your mind always that anyone can find a happy relationship. Do not see yourself as too messed up for love. Fall in love with yourself all over again.

Alice Temitope Dako

Alice Temitope Dako

A passionate reader, a photographer of thoughts and an ardent book collector. A nerd in love with the world built by words...


  1. This article is so condescending. #1 today’s sidechic doesn’t know she’s a play games and tell lies to single women just to get them into a messy situation where she’s constantly blamed for the mess he instigated…its never the man’s fault always the woman even when she’s the heartbroken disappointed victim that’s left to feel insignificant not only to herself but him and her and society as well…whoever wrote this article could possibly fall victim to playing the fool in the future or has a man in her life that already has a secret she don’t notice because she’s to busy writing a condescending article about some shit she thinks she’s exempt from only because she’s never experienced it through the sidechic eyes .#2 most men only wanna be players nowadays anyways so jus because u can run down a check list of criteria u think a man would respect enough to not make u a sidechic without your permission is naive to say the least because men operate through life with this pompous sense of entitlement .

  2. My spouse of 5 years got our then secretary pregnant. She now has a baby for him. I found this out last month as she had a boyfriend before she got pregnant, so I thought it was his. The child is about 4 months now. Shes 7 years younger than me and 14 years younger than him. She did not care, he was with me. She suffers from very low self esteem. I’ve come across her texts to him since she has his child. She is asking him why doesn’t he leave me and let them be a family now that she has his baby. (We do not have a child though he was pressuring me for one before) His response only time will tell lol. I am waiting to finish my masters and then leave. I will them leave her and him together. But the best part is, I know he will NEVER wife. Once I have left our union then he will find someone to be his wife (cheating on her too no doubt) but it will NEVER be her. I know Karma will also catch up on her. But I won’t be around to see that.

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