Friendship

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So I noticed how much of an introvert I am, and how much that has done for me. They say slow water runs the deepest so I try as much as possible not to make my water rush too much. I really want to know how your water rushes, whether fast or slow or how well you control it. And to be sincere with you, I don’t know what I’m writing about, but I honestly hope this will end well.

Well then. Friends! How good are you with them? How well do you know them? How close are you to them? I can’t really count how many close friends I have, but I have a couple of them (not too much) but I don’t know how many I’m really close to as I see many of them as just people I know. Throughout my high schools (the ‘S’ is there because I went to 3 or 4 high schools, I can’t even remember) I didn’t make up to 4 real friends. I did, but at one point or the other I got to drop some and pick up others, but I graduated with not more than 4 close friends from 3 or 4 high schools (I still can’t even remember).

We meet different people in life, these people actually brings out the good, the bad and the ugly side of us, some tend to bring out the worst in us. It’s all left for us to decide who we really want to keep or drop in our lives. Friendship can be defined in different ways by different people, some will actually tell you that friendship doesn’t really exist, as they have been disappointed a couple of times and left hanging by friends.

How do you define your friendship? Good, bad or ugly? Are you the kind of friend that cares less about others and care more about yourself? Are you the kind of friend that never calls or never checks to know how the other friend is doing? Or are you a friend that’s just sticking around with the friend sticker on your neck. Friendship is golden, but without trust, there’s nothing golden in it.

Some people just do not believe in trust as they have been given reasons not to, such people find it very hard to trust even their family members, not to talk of the ones they are in relationship with or married to. I’m not in a position to say if I’m a good friend or not, that will be left to the people I call friends to point out my mistakes and tell the kind of person I am to them. To me, I’ve got a couple of friends that I can say little or nothing about.

I’ve had a couple of problems with a couple people due to the fact that I don’t know them to some certain extents, according to them, ‘I can’t study people’ or some say ‘Semione is this or that’. Most times I reflect on some kind of things people say to me and then I am like; “why on earth will I spend my time trying to ‘study’ people when I’ve not even finished figuring me out?” Or “why should I spend most of my time trying to read your expressions or signs when I can use that time to do something important for myself or for someone else.” If I know you, I know you and if I don’t then I don’t. The most important thing is to understand you, and not trying to read you because sometimes when you think you know someone well, you find out that person has been a stranger all along.

People were and are still born with different qualities; some people are capable of certain things while some aren’t. If you can sit with someone for one hour and you know everything about that person, not everyone can do that. Some will have to use like weeks, months and/or even years to know that thing that you knew in just one hour so we do not have to make people feel like they are bad or something simply because a thing or two happened, or simply because you know them more than they do you.

Sometimes in life you just get to meet people that are not of your caliber, and that’s the good thing about it. If you are quiet and you’re best of friends with a quiet person, I’d say it’s a so not good idea because the two of you will just be birds of a feather that really, really flocks together without any mistake. Like I said earlier, I’m more of an introvert, but I’ve got this one friend that is really an extroversion of me and most times he fills in where I can’t, because he can talk his way out of anything. So when I’m in a position where I am too shy or afraid to make good use of myself, then he comes in. Thus, in situation where I cannot make good use of myself and the person next to me is another version of me, who then will do that thing that we cannot do? I don’t want to make it sound so cliché, but an example is when as guys you go to a club or party where there are many “fine and fly chicks” that you really cannot take your eyes off, and you’re this kind of person that is shy to approach women, and you really want to leave that place with a phone number or two… hmmm, who would you rather want to have beside you at that moment? Is it the guy that is just as shy as you are or the guy that can walk up to any woman at any time?

Though people are different, and different people want different things so what I want is definitely not what the next person would want. So the best way is to let people live their lives the way they want to, and if as a friend you don’t like the way your friend is, talk to him and let him know where he/she has gone wrong and what he/she should have done and not try to make them change to what you want them to become. If you think what they do is not going to help in the nearest future, still talk to them and make them realize that what they’re doing is not the best and give them time to adjust and not trying to make them change the next minute or something like that, because change is a gradual process. As a friend, if your friend is talking you into being what you aren’t, or what you can never see yourself becoming, you have your right to do, for yourself, what you think is best for you, and don’t let the fear of losing your friendship make you do what you’re not supposed to do. As a matter of fact, if you know losing your friendship will be for the better, then don’t hesitate to let that person go, so you be who you want to be.

To me, you should not lose your friends over some silly things like taking over his gf/bf because that one is very common and I wonder why people do it. I have a friend who thinks I have something going on with his girl, even when he hasn’t said it to me; he has showed it a couple of times but wouldn’t just say it out. Now what would you rather do? Tell your friend that you think he/she is cheating on you with his/her boy/girlfriend, or just hold it to yourself and then hold a grudge until you’ve been proven without reasonable doubts that you were right all along. Or just say it out and have your friends thinking you do not trust them, thereby taking the risk of hurting or even losing not just your friend but your partner also? Well, to me you are entitled to your opinion, everyone is and you have the right to be jealous and suspicious of any foul play in your relationship. So just say it out, point out the reasons that made you feel something was going on and then resolve it once and for all. That’s what friends are for: quarrel and reconcile; breakup and makeup.

If you are a player and you’re friends with one, perfect match. Then you can even screw yourselves up by sleeping with the same women/men or even sleeping with your friends’ gf/bf without them knowing, but how will you feel about that, good or bad? And when you do that now, what will happen in the future. If you’re not a player and have a player friend, try not to be influenced because once you start, you will so much enjoy it that stopping will become the last option; and same applies to the players who are friends with non players; you will have a choice to either follow the other person and treat the opposite sex with respect and dignity, or continue being you, and breaking hearts on the go.

If you’re not a player and not friends with one, not a so good idea, you should be friend with one or even get to know one because then you will be given a choice and then you know which part to follow; if to be who you are or become who you are not. And same applies to players who are not friends with non players. So in a nutshell, and in my own opinion, becoming friends with someone who is a direct opposite of you, gives you a reason to figure yourself out. However, when you are surrounded with people of your nature or caliber, you will have no idea what or whatnot the other side of the coin looks like. Well, for some it’s good, and some not.

Another thing is holding unnecessary grudge on your friends, grudges that are not even worth it. You only live once so take control of your life, forgive when necessary and walk up to the other person and tell him/her what they have done or what they do that piss you off, if you don’t tell them you don’t expect them to know and they will keep doing that thing over and over again and all you keep doing is holding grudges. If a friend forgets your birthday once, I don’t see any reason to hold a long time grudge on that person, except of course the person has been doing it year after year. But if it happens just once, look at the circumstances behind why that person forgot your birthday and try to forgive. Well, except you have intentions to die before your next birthday, otherwise you still have several other birthdays ahead so forgetting a birthday of yours should not be a very big deal. I have a friend who has been mad at me since June, and wouldn’t even have a proper conversation with me because I forgot her birthday (not like it was intentional) but two big things happened on the same day and the other big thing just made me forget so many things that very day, which included her birthday. And I still remembered, not like I forgot the entire day. The only crime I committed was that I talked to her without wishing her happy birthday.

So live your life, make friends both bad and good ones, then learn from them and take the right path. Breakup and makeup, make mistakes and correct them, fight, reconcile and ask for forgiveness. Pick up people along the way and drop the ones you will not be needing, and give helping hands to others. Live a life full of romance, fall in love because you can’t predict life in advance, and if your heart is broken, keep rolling if not you’ll never keep growing and don’t go about breaking other people’s heart simply because yours was broken, because time will keep going nonstop and your life will pass without you even knowing. It’s your life so don’t be an eye witness, if the rules try to hold you back then break it but be careful while breaking them and flow every second with greatness and not sadness, and live everyday as if it were your last because you don’t live twice… YOLO

 

Semione Abi

Semione Abi

Semioné is a 21st century law student, born and raised Nigerian but studies in The Gambia. A playwright, poet, and a lover of anything entertaining. I write when I'm inspired and when I'm bored and basically for the fun of it. I'm a law student, but the type with no interest to study sections of some funny and boring law books. But I just have to warn you that I can sometimes be boring, so when you read anything boring, don't say I didn't warn ya, because then you'll be OYO. *wink* Follow on Instagram: @omg_itsz_semione

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