share on:

This topic is a sensitive one I believe. And no, I am not talking about ‘She-Wolves’ the history of a selection of England’s queens and queens consort over four centuries, as told by Helen Castor. I am talking about women living with us in our real lives today, and who are “she-wolves”.

In 2009, Shakira released a song titled “She-Wolf”. The song became very popular, and the singer went to explain that the song is about women feeling empowered and being able to fully express themselves. She claimed “’She Wolf’ is the woman of our time…The woman who knows what she wants and is free of prejudice and preconceived notions…She defends her deepest desires with teeth and claws like a wild animal.”

While her own definition of a “She-wolf” might somewhat mean something positive depending on who is looking at it, another dictionary definition likened a “She- wolf” to a predator. In biology, a predator is defined as an organism that hunts and feeds on its prey. A Predator may or may not kill its prey prior to feeding on them, but the act of predation often results in the death of its prey and the eventual absorption of the prey’s tissue through consumption. So when a woman is referred to as a “She-wolf” what comes to mind is a woman who out of necessity to survive in the relational jungle of life, has become wounded, bitter, and angry, and who will do anything to survive because she feels there is no other way to make it through life successfully.

Most women who have become “She-wolves” are not born that way; most times they have been among the kindest of women. But, it took one or more major wounds to make them dangerous and vicious. These type of women should be considered from a distance, but not ignored, and with minimal exposure, as you would in the presence of a real animal predator. “She-wolves” can be found in families as a wife, mother, aunt, sister, daughter, mother-in-law and even a grandmother. They can be married, single, divorced, or widowed, heterosexual, or homosexual. They are in the corporate world and in the creative arts. If one is married to one or works for one, there is much pain and often unnecessary abuse that comes along with it.

They typically go after men… but especially after strong, confident men. Their attacks on these men come in the form of disrespect, talking down at, mistreatment, downgrading of position, leaving these men feeling emasculated, castrated socially and emotionally.

Like I pointed out earlier, some “She-wolves” are just women who have become reactionary predators just like the animal who bit them in the first place. So, there is a need to understand them, and have compassion towards them, yet that does not mean they stop being dangerous. Just like a wolf in the wild, they will destroy their prey and devour them should the opportunity arise. Therefore, you need to watch out and beware.

So, what are some characteristics of a “She-Wolf”?

1. Wounded, Angry And Dangerous.

You must have heard “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned…” likewise, a “She-wolf” has, at one time or another, received mortal wounds from a person or persons she has trusted or assumed were safe. Eventually she chose to stop the bleeding and turn the tables in order to survive the jungle. She has been wounded by an influential and trusted man or series of men; maybe her own father, step-father, grandfather, husband, boyfriend, male friend, or just other men. She has experienced so many personal boundary violations/crashing and disrespectful treatment that she had turned angry and vicious. This woman had to put up with many of such “crashings” into her life without her permission, and her personhood has been violated and now she is dangerous. Though she may act nice when you are just falling in love with her, her version of love can be asphyxiating, controlling, enmeshed, and an impediment to becoming a self-assured man. So, no matter how kind she may act, you must be careful or else she will succeed in giving you false impression that she cares for you. And if you eventually fall, you might not be able to come out of it.

2. Traits Of Narcissists.

Narcissists are gods in their own minds. They must have the last word and will not accept fault. They are better, bigger, and more amazing than others in their own opinion. Besides the grandiosity component of narcissism, she sees herself as the worst victim ever. She suffers more than anyone else. And if you dare challenge her on anything, she will turn the tables on you and shame you for not being a caring person for her.

3. Unsafe And Want A Pet

A “She-wolf” wants strong men to become weaker and subjugated to her. And once you are not ready to do her bidding, be prepared to come under her wrath. She wants men to constantly need her and she despises men who do not act needy.

4. Sacrifice You

You are expendable to a “She-wolf”. You are only useful as long as you are there to praise her, help her, agree with her, and conform totally to her will. Interdependence is not possible when you are with a “She-wolf”.

5. Loyalty Means “Always Agreeing”

If you work for a “She-wolf”, you can’t have a different opinion on anything. And you are not loyal except you obey her unquestionably. A “She-wolf” will reward her “yes” persons. Meanwhile, those “yes” persons are simply afraid of her and can only say unmentionable things about her behind her back. If you keep disagreeing or opposing a “She-wolf” especially at work, she will mark you for extinction and eventually destroy you.

6. Never Admits Wrong/Fault

A “She-wolf” is not open to correction, she is ruthless, and humble maturity needed to admit error is basically impossible. “I am sorry” does not exist in her dictionary. She will rather just leave you to your opinion and conclusion of her.

7. Authoritarian/Oppressive Motherhood

A “She-wolf” resents male independence that does not need a mother figure and is not subject to a mother control. She will easily incapacitate her son/son-in-law and label him as an ingrate child when he rejects her suffocating control. She loves her men/son/son-in-law to be weak and wimpy, so she can become the authoritative mother.

8. Does Not Listen Or Change Her Mind

Once a “She-wolf” has made up her mind, she has to be absolutely correct. She is unmovable and extremely stubborn. She is a closed-minded person and it is impossible to have a reasonable talk and resolution of a problem with her.

9. Threatened By Strong, Confident, And Respectful Men

Strong and respectful men with a sense of confidence become her enemies. This is because they look like competitors when in reality they are not. A strong, healthy, and confident man reminds her, because of a dysfunctional and mistaken interpretation, of the abuse she received from unhealthy abusive men. The only kind of men she can possibly accept as friends are those with no spine, who praise her incessantly, and obey her unquestionably.

In conclusion, “She-wolves” can do incredible harm to you. So, try to stay totally away from them, and if you have to deal with them, do so minimally to reduce your risk of getting eaten alive. If you are dating or you are already married to one, there is hope. She can heal if she gets professional counseling from a psychotherapist, pastoral counselor, or psychologist that is well experienced. Above all, remember a “she-wolf” is a human being too, so while you guard yourself against her; have some compassion for her as a hurting person and don’t hurt her further. Stay Safe.


Christopher Bamidele

Christopher Bamidele

Chris Bamidele is a passionate and unapologetic Nigerian; an amateur writer and aspiring TV director who holds a first degree in Mass Communication, but majored in Radio and TV Broadcasting. He is cool headed, a realist, and an optimist to the core. Chris Bamidele blogs African stories on and tweets @degreatest2. He currently lives in Lagos.

1 comment

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.