Lamentations Of An Ugly Girl – Episode 14 (#LOAUG)

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I have always wanted to leave Ibadan to experience the Lagos life, not that I haven’t been to Lagos but never on my own so IT just present me with the opportunity to. Telling my dad would not be a problem since from my 200 level days, I had insisted on doing my IT in Lagos, where exactly I still don’t know. I had discussed with Viv, she had promised me that I could stay with her, and finding a placement but if, I had to go early, I had to set-up the topic early.

Later that day.

“Dad, you know that my IT is supposed to start next week?” I started

“Yeah that’s true and you want to do it in Lagos, abi?”

“Yes sir, I have to do it in Lagos”

“I’d call Ajisafe and see if he can get you a PR firm or something of sort”

“No, don’t worry I have already sent someone to submit my letter to some TV stations in Lagos”

“Ehn Ehn” he replied showing amazement without actually loosing gaze of the Al-Jazeera news he was watching.

“Hope you have told your mom?” he said in Yoruba just as I was leaving.

“No but I will” I replied.

“Je ki n pe Kayode and tell him you are staying at his place” mum said.

“No o, I already have somewhere to stay” I replied.

Rather angrily, she replied “Somewhere I don’t know”

“No o, I am staying at Vivian’s place, it is on the island and my IT placement too is on the island. And you know daddy Favour stays on the mainland” I replied coyly.

“Ta lo nje Vivian?” she asked

“My friend that came here last year for the competition in UI”

I still don’t know how far the ‘island’ is from the ‘mainland, I reiterated Bola and Liz. I couldn’t stay at Daddy Favour (Kayode) house, my maternal uncle, a deacon or something of sort. He is one to tell me not to wear this and that, too much make-up like I ever wore things that bad. The last time he came to Ibadan, he kept on repeating how big I was and the sermon thank God most of it were directed at Tunde plus I wasn’t going to Lagos to baby sit.

“Oh that girl, but I don’t know her house, her parents” She interjected

“Her parents didn’t know you before she came here abi, I’m 22, I can take care of myself” feigning anger.

Although Vivian did not come to Ibadan for any competition in UI, she came for auditioning for casting in a film or was it a music video (I can hardly remember). We used the competition as to prevent further questions. The funny thing is since she left, I never asked how it went, and maybe she made the cast or not. By the way, if Vivian “blows” tomorrow, and she becomes proud I won’t blame her o, this babe don waka like craze ehn. It took quite a while to convince them that I’d  be fine on my own in almighty “Lagos city” but since I had always persisted right from my 200 level days.

Soon, I was in a bus taking me down to Lagos (somebody reminded me when we got to Oshodi) I was filled with excitement *not the type a village girl feels when she is coming to Lagos* because I was going to be with all of my babes. *Screw IT, I am going to have fun*. After a few hours, we got to Oshodi, I put on a mild frown(trying not to look like a JJC), crossed over the bridge and queued for the BRT taking me to Island (Thank God for DSTV, I for no sabi wetin be BRT). After a few more buses and an Okada ride, I finally got to her street or estate where she was waiting for me taking no rest at calling my phone.

“Eeeh” we exclaimed, hugging each other before I remembered I had to pay the Okada man who already had a frown on his face.

“Omo, T-lines, you are in Lagos” she exclaimed letting out a pinch of Igbo accent. We dialled Bola’s number and she seemed even happier than I that was coming to Lagos since writing common entrance for Queen’s College.

“Tolani, e don come Lagos eeh” she said with a tone like that of Osofia don come London movie.

“Babe, chill, I have been to Lagos before joor” I answered.

“I’ll call you later, ehn” Viv said snatching the phone from me.

And you hear Liz with her sarcasm, “Shey you didn’t pay #5,000 for bike sha: because they would have seen one JJC”.

“Ode!, I entered a cab, I’m a big girl, mumu”

“Oh oo, I hear you ooo, welcome to Lagos, Lagos is changing. Fashola is working; at least you know who Fashola is?”

“Gerrout joor, nonsense” I replied.

We got into Vivian’s fairly big compound and before I could ask if there were any dogs, I could hear some violent barking. They probably were chained. Vivian’s brother and his friends were playing video games when we got in.

“Chibuzor, meet my friend, Tolani” Viv said

Without looking he said hi, I replied and that’s his friend Roy”. Just like Chibuzor, he waved. We proceeded to her room, in its sky blue colour it looked very lush and spacious, at least spacious enough for two people.

“Are your parents around so I can greet them?”

“No, they went to one party like that”

When they came back, I went to greet them; Vivian’s mum looks extremely young, she could easily be mistaken as her elder sister while she spoke with an unmistaken Igbo accent.

“How are you and how was your journey?” her father asked.

“Fine sir” I replied

“Vivian make your friend comfortable during her stay. He added with a smirk of his face.

“So you and Vivian are friends shey, hope she is a good girl in school ehn” Viv’s mother asked obviously exhausted.

“Yes ma she is a good girl, she is only a bad girl when she is with Dan alone”. The latter part I said to myself.

“See me if she wasn’t, would you tell me?” she jokingly added.

“I trust…..” her father was about to say something when power was cut or simply put NEPA took light.

“So much for being in Lagos” I muttered under my breath as I tried to put my flash light on.

P.S: I am a writer although I might not be able to tell my story adeptly but I can do that completely and truthfully.



MEET T-LINES for the past 13weeks or more you have been reading the escapades and sexcapades of Tolani Gbadamosi popularly known as Lines. Somehow, someway, somewhere in your hearts resonante some sort of emotion albeit love hate, pity and even happiness and i am glad that you have taken this series very seriously and read religiously week in and week out. Now is the time y’all finally meet me. I am Gbadamosi Tolani, a character created by writer Oluwabi Mobolaji,who is a reader’s writer and a writer’s reader and yes I am a guy….. scratch that I am a man before you start with your after thoughts. Surprised ehn. Catch me as I blog irregularly on .follow me on twitter @embijay and keep with the hashtag #loaug while you enjoy the rest of your favorite series. Ciao

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