How to Break Up Without Letting it Get Messy

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Few weeks back, I wrote an article titled “It Is Time To End That Relationship” and the last thing I said there was that I would talk about how to end a relationship without making a mess of it. So, that is what I am talking about today.

Breaking up is usually a hard thing to do, but it could seem easy if you and your ex both agree you no longer want the relationship anymore, but like many things in life, it is not so straightforward. Some people may linger in relationships because they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings, or because they hope things might improve positively. Others may fear they’ll lose mutual friends and even fear they might be labeled the ‘bad guy’ or ‘bad girl’. While some may find it difficult to end things because they’ve invested their time, emotions, and finances in the relationship and would find it difficult to think about starting things all over again with someone new. But no matter what we think about a relationship, once it has gone irreparably bad, we must find a way of ending it.

So rather than going in circle about ending a bad relationship, or wishing it away, or start behaving in a manner that will upset the your partner to the point of them walking away, why not try these few ways of ending things.




No matter what your partner has done, ‘grapevine telegraph’ is not the place for them to hear that you’re no longer interested. It’s a different ball game when you discuss some relationship problems you’re having with your friends, and they give you some advices of their own. But when you make the final decision of breaking up with your partner, make sure it is your decision and make sure you tell him/her by yourself. Do this out of respect for your partner and for the sake of whatever you once shared.




I don’t think it is fair for you to call your partner to your place for a break-up. Though some guys do this just to have that much talked about ‘Break-Up sex’ but I tell you it is a bad idea, except if you are not ready to really break things up. And remember we are talking about breaking up without letting things get messy, so a neutral environment where both of you would be comfortable to express your feelings while probably walking and talking would be preferable.




Phone calls, e-mails, BBM pings, Whatsapp messages and other social media chat apps are fine for small talk, but this is no small talk, it’s a big issue – so do it in person. I know you might have met that new person who you presently think is an upgrade version of your current partner you are trying to break up with, and you might not want to have anything to do with this ‘old’ person anymore because this new person suddenly adds colour to your world. But, I am telling you to fight that feeling and have the decency to say it to your partner’s face. Don’t dial and dump. I have been dumped via a phone call before, she didn’t even initiate the call; I did and then got dumped on my own call time. And I tell you, it hurts, though I got better afterwards, and she later apologized.




I know that sometimes, people break up in a relationship, and they later come back together to see if they can make the work with another attempt. But when you make up your mind to have that ‘break-up’ conversation, don’t just cave in and take your partner back because they beg, argue or cry – at least not on the spot. It will make you look like you don’t know what you are doing. If you are not really sure you want to break up, don’t have the conversation.




Don’t behave like a total jerk because you want to break up with someone, except if it’s an abusive relationship and you need to get out by any means in a bid to save your life. Outside that, you need to handle break-ups with some level of maturity because you don’t know where your path might cross again with that partner you treated like a piece of shit. So, how do you ensure you display maturity while breaking up with a lover? By trying not to do these things

  • Don’t cut your partner out of your life without an explanation.
  • Don’t get someone else to do it on your behalf.
  • Don’t use break-up as a threat to control your partner (They can live without you)
  • Don’t start behaving irrationally and appear disinterested while hoping they will get the message and end the relationship.
  • Don’t go ahead and post on your social media pages that you are no longer in a relationship with the hope that they’d find out and get the message.
  • Don’t start cheating on them to their face so that they’ll find out and break up with you.
  • Don’t tell stupid lies “It’s not you, it’s me” “A pastor told my Mum’s cousin that we can’t be together” and all sorts. Go straight to the point and tell them you want to break up. That is maturity. Stay Safe.
Christopher Bamidele

Christopher Bamidele

Chris Bamidele is a passionate and unapologetic Nigerian; an amateur writer and aspiring TV director who holds a first degree in Mass Communication, but majored in Radio and TV Broadcasting. He is cool headed, a realist, and an optimist to the core. Chris Bamidele blogs African stories on and tweets @degreatest2. He currently lives in Lagos.

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