Do You Really Need a Break?

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DO YOU REALLY NEED A BREAK?

Have you asked someone you knew was in a serious relationship about their partner, and they answered you with the line “We are taking a break”? Or someone you were dating just walked up to you and said “Darling, I think we need to take a break” Well, I have experienced both. I have heard it and someone had suggested a break in our relationship.

To be honest, you sometimes get to a point in your relationship where you feel like you are stalled. You’re not agreeing on a lot of things, you’re not communicating as you used to do, and you don’t know what next to do. Sometimes, you get to that place where you’re both mentally and physically exhausted because you’ve been having too many issues, and you tend to want to suggest that you just take a break from the relationship, a break from the stress, and a break from each other just to clear your heads. You are at a point where you really feel there is a need to take a step away from the situation to gain some perspective. But the questions are: what happens during that break? What does it really mean? What’s the point of taking a break in a relationship and not just ending it? In my own opinion, I think if you are not ready to end a relationship, a break is not a good thing to embark on, and I will tell you my reasons.

 

  • A BREAK DOESN’T FIX THE PROBLEM

 

Taking a break or discussing one in a relationship is actually avoiding the problem. When things get tough in a relationship, you should dig in and work together to get to the bottom of it. Don’t ask your partner for a temporary break, it is like running away from your problems, and I assure u, it doesn’t fix them. Taking a break from an argument is one thing, but taking a break from the relationship in its entirety is completely different. If while having an argument, you need to go for a walk to clear your head; by all means go for a walk, go to the gym, go hang out with your friends, read a book, write a fiction, or just do whatever it is you need to do to clear your head. But taking a semi-permanent break from the relationship is not how you fix things. Rather, it’s how you end things.

 

  • DISTRACTION WILL SET IN

 

When you are observing your mutually agreed break, you will simply just search for distractions to fill space. The supposed thought process behind “taking a break” is to take time to work through your problems, work on yourselves, and/or figure out whether or not to continue with the relationship. But do people really do that? I don’t think so because the first thing people do when they are “taking a break” is to go look for distractions. And most times, these distractions will be found on someone else’s shoulder rather than some kind of new hobby or more time at work. You need to know that distractions are not a solution to your relationship problems, and dating or even talking to someone else from the opposite sex in the meantime is the worst kind of distraction. Trust me, if you are taking a break from your relationship, you would most probably be talking to someone from the opposite sex and these talks will be deep and will get deeper.

 

  • YOU WILL SOON START FUNCTIONING WITHOUT EACH OTHER

 

Have you noticed that the longer you spend time away from someone, the easier it is for them to stay permanently forgotten? I am not saying you will forget their names or how they looked like, but you will soon find yourself living a pretty normal life without them again. Some of us have experienced this, especially people who have lost loved ones. People move on in life, not because they are bad lots, but because once communication ceases, everything ceases alongside. You should know that a big part of the glue that holds you together with your partner is communication. Everyone knows that communication and more communication is key in any relationship, and if you now decide to end communication in the name of “taking a break” I wonder how that would solve the issues in your relationship. Most times in relationships, we seem not to realize that anything worth having is worth working hard for; we work hard to prepare for exams, for job interviews, for promotions, and the likes, so why do relationships have to be any different? If it is broken, fix it; if it can’t be fixed, then just can it! We young people seem to have too much of sense of entitlement in our relationship and we keep comparing the one we have to someone else’s. Once our partner is failing or suddenly not meeting up in one area of life, we keep seeing the other side as better and possibly greener, but more often than not, we are wrong. The only time I will advise people to try “taking a break” is if they are married and abuse is setting in, especially physical abuse or a case of serious infidelity. The partner on the receiving end can take some time off to sort things out either with a professional or with whomever he/she is comfortable with.

So, my conclusion is, if you get to a point in your relationship, where you really and truly want to take a break because you no longer see yourself and your partner together, it is way better to probably just break up. You might be holding out because you don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings or maybe you don’t want to deal with the pain of ending a relationship, but why would you prolong the pain? Why drag it out? If you know things aren’t working and there’s no way you can fix them, just let it go, rather than finding ways to just discard the person gradually while he/she is still waiting for you – waiting for a train that has left the station.

I learnt my lessons when I was much younger, a girlfriend of mine asked for a break, I made the mistake of agreeing to it without putting up a fight, few months later, she was pregnant for someone else and had moved in with him. I was heartbroken for a long while but I got better. So what do you think? Does “taking a break” really work? Has it worked for you or someone you know? Let me know in the comment box. Stay safe

 

Christopher Bamidele

Christopher Bamidele

Chris Bamidele is a passionate and unapologetic Nigerian; an amateur writer and aspiring TV director who holds a first degree in Mass Communication, but majored in Radio and TV Broadcasting. He is cool headed, a realist, and an optimist to the core. Chris Bamidele blogs African stories on www.degreatest2.wordpress.com and tweets @degreatest2. He currently lives in Lagos.

2 comments

  1. I’m currently on break and to be honest it made things worse. I have since moved on cos my now ex asked for it and she refuse to keep communicating after I agreed to taking a break. I think taking a break for some people is a way of saying they are no longer interested in the relationship. And yes I got the worst kind of distraction like you pointed out but it helped me in moving on. Thanks for the write-up.

  2. You are welcome Pk, and thanks for sharing your experience. taking a break most times never really work in favour of any relationship. People will just drift apart without any feeling of guilt.

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