I was hanging out with two of my colleagues, Mark Phylix (@markphylix) and another friend few days back at some fast food restaurant on Marian Road in Calabar. And you know when guys are together, we talk about a lot of things; yes, we do talk. Maybe I should say we were just ‘gisting’, because men don’t gossip; we simply just gist about things, money, girls and ‘other people’ generally. We talked football and the just concluded FIFA World cup in Brazil, and thankfully three of us support same team in the Premiership. So, we talked about Alexis Sanchez and Debuchy’s transfer, the rumour/talk about Sami Khedira, David Ospina and other possible transfers that our dear Professor could still make happen before the end of the season, and we just tried to convince ourselves that Arsenal might do better and contest for the trophy till the last day of the incoming season unlike last one when we soft-pedaled and capitulated in January.
Well back to the topic we should be discussing before I piss of Chelsea fans and some mid-table team’s fans. Now in the course of our ‘gists’ the third guy whose name I won’t mention just to protect his identity chipped in without thinking “I don’t have light in my house, let me call Jane (not real name) and find out if she has electricity in her area so that I can pack my bag and sleep over tonight” turning to him, I asked him “You mean you will just leave your own house and go sleep over at hers, just because you don’t have electricity? What happens to your generator, can’t you buy fuel?
He simply laughed and told me they do sleep over in each other’s house once in a while. So I asked him if they also have sex once in a while, he said they don’t do that as they are just friends, a BFF kinda. Mark weighed in and asked what kind of friendship would make a guy to just leave his apartment and go pass the night at his female friend’s apartment without any good reason apart from “no electricity”, but our friend was adamant, and he was sure that both Mark and I had corrupt minds and needed to change our thinking and our ways. We argued back and forth and I told him my conclusion would be one of these three things:
- He is either sleeping with her and he is lying to us about it,
- Or they are both unserious people lying to themselves,
- And/maybe he is what we referred to in my secondary school days as “Eshin Inu iwe” (a horse drawn inside a textbook)
Well, our friend denied the 3 count charge and told me I would not understand. So I asked him if his girlfriend knew about the ‘frequent’ sleepovers at Jane’s. His answer was ‘no’ but he said his conscience is clear because they were not doing anything together aside sleeping. So, I further asked him these questions, “Do you tell your babe anytime you are sleeping over at Jane’s? Does Jane tell her boyfriend who lives out of town that you come and pass the night with her and share the same bed in her one room apartment regularly? Would you be happy if your girlfriend has a male BFF that she could just pack her bags and go spend the night with just because there is no electricity in her own house among many other flimsy reasons?” His answers were NO, NO, and NO. So, Mark and I simply told him to stop it as what he is doing is cheating on his woman, since he is not bold enough to tell his own girlfriend about it and he would not condone his girlfriend doing same either. Of course he didn’t agree, he only sees cheating as having a sexual affair with another woman and not when he is emotionally closer to another woman than the one he is in a loving relationship with. But for me, cheating can either be physical, or emotional, and if my friend is not cheating on his girlfriend physically, he is cheating emotionally. Though I understand that when people are in a committed relationship, the definition of cheating is based on both parties’ opinions, and both parties may redefine their understanding to match the party at an either lower or higher extreme of this definition. Still, if you are not bold enough to tell your partner what you do with that opposite sex friend, you might just be on your way to physical cheating very soon in my opinion.
But like I said, relationships are different, and I can’t use the way I conduct mine to judge others’ but I really need you to tell me what you think. Is it right to have constant sleepovers at a BFF’s apartment without a cogent reason, especially when this BFF is a member of the opposite sex? If you think it is right to do so, would it be right not to tell our partners about it? Please share your views in the comments section. Thank you and Stay Safe.