After Dark: Dear Mr and Mrs Anonymous, I Last Longer Only When I Masturbate

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After Dark

We’ve been having letters pouring in and this is one of them from Mr. G

Pleas email us at if you need help or need to talk. You can find another answered email on



good even, I read your post on how to last longer and delay
ejaculation in males, but my problem is, when I masturbate, I last
longer.. I last as long as I want b4 I cum, but when I have sex with
my partner, I’ll release very very early, most times not up to a
minute or 2. Please how do I handle this situation, my partner is not
happy about my performances and neither am I. Please help me on how to
improve. I’ve tried most of the procedures I saw online but


Hello Mr G,
Thank you for reaching out to us.
Your problem is not unique to you. A good number of men go through what you go through and there’s hope for you yet.
In your email, though you didn’t give much details but I think I can guess, from experience with others, what your problem is.
1. It could be that you masturbate a lot. When i wrote in a previous article about masturbation being a plus, I didn’t mean that masturbation should be used as a substitute for sex. Masturbation is for (1) discovering your body, your sexuality and knowing what works well for you (2) As an aid to help you last longer. When you masturbate, you practice a prolonging technique that you apply during sex (3) To help you lengthen your penis (4) For pleasure (the true act of sex between a man and a woman is beyond physical pleasure). Irepeat, masturbation is NEVER A SUBSTITUTE FOR SEX.
2. It could be that you have developed an unhealthy addiction to pornography. In most cases when a man masturbates, he is watching pornography and a set image of what sex should be is fixed in his mind. Pornography is staged, if you must know. The same way one gets influenced by movies and music and other things visual, pornography can alter your life and how you view women if you have an unhealthy attitude towards it. Porn makes women become sex objects to a man and relying on it alone cannot help you maintain a loving sexual relationship with your partner. You’ll just see her as a place to dump your load.
3. You might be having anxiety issues. Usually when men prefer to masturbate than to have real sex, it is mostly they feel that they cannot perform well in bed. And why do they feel that way? Past experiences of premature ejaculation that were never handled. Also, they might have a partner that they have no heart connection with and because women make love mostly on the basis of emotions, you might find her lacking and un-reciprocating and this could cause you anxiety issues. There could also be the issue of setting too high a standard and trying to attain it only to fall short.
4. There is just no sexual connection with your partner. You think she is the one sexually but she is not. She doesn’t just do it for you.
5. You do not take FOURPLAY seriously. I often advice guys with PE issues to ALWAYS include foreplay in their sexual routines as it gives them time to control their excitement and put effort into their partners’ pleasure. When a man takes his time with a woman, he explores her body with his hands, mouth and tongue. His penis comes last and in amazing way, it has been slowed because the man’s entire system is employed in the act.
5. And lastly, this is not to beat the horse but what is your perception of sex (pornography or not)? Does sex mean anything to you other than the physical? What is your perception of women? Are they just there for sexual gratification?
If you can tackle these questions, then you’ll be able to know what your problem is and deal with them. My guide in the article Last Man Standing should help.
 Bless you!
Mr and Mrs Anonymous
Mr&Mrs Anonymous

Mr&Mrs Anonymous

Life Coach and Youth Conselor/ Nurse, Midwife and Vixen Between My Husband's Sheets. Sexperts. Dating Professionals. Helping Couples Love Each Other Better. Follow @mrmrs_anonymous on Twitter Send your emails to

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