SIDECHICK, KNOW THY PLACE!

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SIDE CHICK, KNOW THY PLACE!

This post was inspired by few of my twitter followers. I asked them to weigh in if I should write on side chicks or not. I got “ayes” from few of my followers and “nay” from none; hence this post.

Before I start, I believe we all know who a side chick is or what it means to be one, and in case you don’t know, ‘side chickism’ dated back to the time of the Bible when Mother Sarah didn’t have a child and asked father Abraham to sleep with her maid Hagar, who later bore a child who was named Ishmael, but when the maid started to do “gra-gra” she was promptly reminded of her status as a side chick and shown the door before matter go come spoil.Well, I guess we now know the origin of side chick at least as recorded in the Bible.

I know some of you ladies are thinking right now why a guy in a relationship or marriage would have a side chick; and the only thing I can say to that is, many ladies simply love to be side chicks. I know there are so many ladies out there who are proud to say, married men are more romantic and responsible than single guys, and they are actually dating the married guys, thereby effectively restricting themselves to side chicks’ status. Some would tell you, there are no longer single guys, so just date whoever you like and shove some other babe out of his life to become the number one. So, whichever way you look at it, there have been side chicks, there are side chicks, and there will always be side chicks. And if you are among those reading this and saying “Over my dead body, I can’t be a side chick and my boyfriend cannot have a side chick” but your mum is the second wife in your family, Biko! have several seats.

Now, let’s talk about staying in your lane as a side chick; before you start claiming some non-existent rights, and embark on some gra-gra spree. Truth is, if you’re a side chick who wants to keep up a relationship with a guy who has a main chick; then you have to know the rules of the game. You can’t expect the relationship to be more than what it is and you are not expected to worry about where the relationship is going, because the minute you start to question your status as a side chick, or ask for something more, all of the fun will go out the window. So if you want to be a good side chick, you have to stop stressing out and learn to have a good time with your man, or else you’ve gotta get out. So, here are few things to do to help you stay in thy place and maintain thy lane.

  1. Give Us Space.

You don’t have to always be the first to text or call, give some breathing room please. In short, don’t call first, if we want to get in touch with you, we’ll send you a text or call you; if you try to call or text anyhow, you could be putting us in an awkward situation because we may be with the main chick; and since we don’t plan to have more than one wife/girlfriend, it’s advisable you stay on your own job function, which is to be something different, and to be fun. You even have the right to do your own thing most times, so go out with your girlfriends, have a good time, but don’t worry about checking in with us every five minutes.

  1. Don’t Ever Have “The Talk”

When you start having the “What are we doing?” “Where is this going?” “What are we now?” kind of talk, you are actually pushing us away. You have to know your lane, stay there and quit all the serious talk that only the main chick has an exclusive right to. Yeah, some side chicks do somehow end up as mains, but you don’t upgrade yourself, and you don’t force it, we decide when you should be upgraded; and that is, if there is ever going to be any upgrading in the first place.

  1. Go With The Flow.

There should never be a reason you should get into any disagreement or argument with us. That is the main chick’s responsibility. As a side chick, you should always be cool and should never be the one who stresses us out. You are our vacations, our time off, and our ‘go-to guy’ when the main chick is acting up. So, if you start bickering, criticizing us, or complaining about everything, there won’t be any reason to stay with you for a minute more.

  1. Easy On The Questions.

You can’t be asking “Where were you?” “Why didn’t you call me?” “Why are you always so busy?” “Who was that?” “Who were you on the phone with?” and all those kind of questions, unless you are tired of the relationship. Those questions are reserved specially for the main chick and you are not the main chick, you knew the score before getting into it, so there is no point acting jealous or surprised.

  1. No Holidays

You can’t be trying to spend holidays like New Year, Christmas, or democracy day and even birthdays with us. We decide if we want to spend it with you, maybe if the main chick is not around or something of sort. Outside that, we might celebrate these events with you the day after or before, but for the most part, don’t expect anything like a gift or acknowledgment. Don’t call to wish us anything, you can send a text message though, but don’t call under any circumstance. And as for Valentine’s Day, you can pretty much bet that we’ll be spending it with the main chick.

  1. Always Look Your Best

As a side chick, you have to always be on point. Remember you’re not a girlfriend but a side chick; therefore it is inappropriate to be hanging out with us in sneakers, sweats, and casuals. In other words, don’t get to comfortable; if you want a guy you can get comfortable with, you can look for a boyfriend. The fact of the matter is you are expected to look your best every time we are with you, because you’re a side chick. I know it is not easy, but no one said it was an easy job, but you took it anyway.

  1. Don’t Get Obsessed With The Main Chick.

You deserve to stay happy, and one of the ways you stay happy is to avoid researching the main chick or thinking about her too much. You see, ignorance is bliss, and you must realize that the more you know about the main chick, what she looks like, what she does for a living, what her name is; the more annoyed you’ll be about the whole thing. Before you know it, you may start getting overly jealous and obsessed with the main chick. So, save yourself some insanity, don’t get obsessed with the main chick or bring her up in any conversation, and everything will remain as smooth as it could get.

So, dear side chick, I hope you now know thy place going forward. Thank you.

 

Christopher Bamidele

Christopher Bamidele

Chris Bamidele is a passionate and unapologetic Nigerian; an amateur writer and aspiring TV director who holds a first degree in Mass Communication, but majored in Radio and TV Broadcasting. He is cool headed, a realist, and an optimist to the core. Chris Bamidele blogs African stories on www.degreatest2.wordpress.com and tweets @degreatest2. He currently lives in Lagos.

7 comments

  1. You make being a ‘side chick’ feel like being in some slave market. If a man needs the kind of woman/girl described in your article, he had better get a prostitute. Remember the side chick sometimes is synonymous to a ‘mistress’; and they wield some powers. May the Association of Side Chicks never go on strike- you go hear am!

  2. Hahahahahaha! Jummy no go kill me oh! side chics get association? Diaris Godu ohh!, Anyway I have learnt now. biko help me beg the association not to go on strike oh. there is always room for negotiation!

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