Only If You Allow It

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Don’t judge. Behind every person, there’s always a reason why they are the way they are – Random Quote.

This is one of the most famous quotes I’ve seen virtually everywhere. People use it day to day to actually ward off judgemental people who can’t wait to tell you what you’re doing wrong and in a very bad way too. I’ve not seen anyone who loves judgemental people because instead of giving you the advice you need, they make you feel worse than ever. There was a time I will always put it up as a defense of some sort but growing wiser, I realised there are certain things that should not remain they way they are because we feel we’ve been done wrong and beaten.

I was watching Wendy William’s show and she had over Terry Crews who talked about his new book; Manhood. Apparently, Terry Crews had an addiction with watching pornographic movies since he was twelve and that gave him an insight about the stages a man will or may go through before he dies. He talked about the fool stage, the victim stage and the king stage. Although he did not get to talk long about these stages, he said enough to give me a wider picture of the stages that gave me enough material to put this post together.

According to Terry Crews, the fool stage is when you are on the street (African Americans see the street as a very bad place where you deal drugs, steal, do all sorts of illegal business. The street to them is a forbidden place for every sane, well trained, responsible kid). People try to call you back to your senses, you think they don’t know what’s up and you tell them you love the street. At the fool stage, the street is your everything; you want to eat, sleep and wake up there. And then when you are on the street, you get hit by a car or get shot in the head and then you become a victim.

At the victim stage, you blame everybody around you. You see people as your enemy. You practically draw into your shell and refuse to take any worthy risk just because you’ve been shot or hit on the street. People ask you why you don’t leave your room to go out in search of a job, you tell them of the fear of being hit or shot again or you show them your scar and tell them you are not good enough. At the victim stage, you don’t want people to judge you but to blame the man who hit you or the man who shot you. Anyone who supports you and hates what the street did to you is automatically your friend but anyone who tries to tell you the truth and to snap out of your misery is your enemy. Until he realises that he needs to stop being a victim and start living his life all over, he will never stop being a victim.

As a victim of abuse and harrasment, I’ve often thought my predator took my power from me. I thought he took my reason to exist and I was living like I thought he wanted me to live, helpless, useless and worthless. I did all sorts of non-pretty stuff after my assault thinking I was dealing with my situation the best way I could. It was not until much later that I actually realised he gave me power rather than took from me. He gave me the power to see things differently from the way poeple would see them. He gave me the power to change things. It was until I realised the things I could do with the new power he gave me, I felt like a victim and would never be better than a victim.

Kings are people who understand that they can change who they are and change the things around them. They understand that people can only take advantage of them if they allow it. Telling people that they shouldn’t judge you because of how things happened to you in the past is basically not going to happen. If you are doing right, people will judge you anyway. No matter what you are going through, always pull yourself out fast enough to retrace yourself. Everybody has one thing or the other that has literally beaten them up but only a fool will stay a victim and allow his “predator” to trample on him.

Be the person that doesn’t have to be bothered about what people have to say. Be strong, move away from anything, everything that will make you a mediocre. If you don’t allow it, your situation won’t have power over you. Don’t allow the thing that put you in the victim stage hold you captive forever. Fight and move to the king stage where you have a new life and everything behind you. Kings are people who have been done wrong but they understood that real power comes from overcoming their predator and using it to the maximum positivity. Be a king and live above whatever it is making you a fool or a victim.

Alice Temitope Dako

Alice Temitope Dako

A passionate reader, a photographer of thoughts and an ardent book collector. A nerd in love with the world built by words... www.theinkheartnlog.com

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