Nikolai Talks 6: Single For Life! #S4L

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single for life,

Lol! My sister and I made up this slang/term years ago. It basically means what it says “Single for life”. We were single, slightly depressed at our situations and jobless! Some of you may look at the slang and say “God forbid!” “Tufiakwa!” “It’s not my portion!” Cool down, I am not cursing anyone oh! This is very different type of post for me to write about, but I decided to share it with you guys coming from a highly personal angle. I’m gonna try to keep this short. Anytime I say this, I easily get carried away. I hope it’s a topic that some of you are able to relate to and consider helpful because it’s hard to admit your true feelings at times.

Let me paint the picture for you. I was at a bar with my lady friends watching the Portugal vs U.S.A World Cup match (I’m really not a soccer fan, but GO NAIJA!). We were all semi-casually dressed as the spot was designed in a cozy, yet formal manner. After a few drinks and eating my full, I saw this guy above the little staircase area. He had a dark brown hair, was wearing a white button down shirt, cream colored pants with a surfer style neckpiece and flip flops. He was cute! I was wearing a shorter style black dress with some faux leather accents, white lace Toms inspired shoes and gold jewelry of course. I saw him from afar, so I didn’t get a good look at his face (and with my bad eyesight…how?). I thought he looked familiar though, but I wasn’t sure. I began thinking of where I knew him from, but I just couldn’t figure it out. I had to step away from the girls to head over to the Ladies. When I came out, he was going into the Mens. I said “Excuse me.” He said “Yah.” I go “You look familiar.” Then it hit me. “Are you that chef guy from the food show I saw last week in town?” He replied “Yah, that’s me.” I remembered that they had just had a food show in town and he stood out to me because he was super talented. We then made small talk for a while and I headed back to my section. I walked back to my table and told my girls that I had met the chef guy and he was super nice.  We talked about him for a little and switched topics (As girls are concerned, we talk a lot!). On my way out of the bar, I remembered I had to grab a photo with him. Right when I looked over, he was right behind me. U.S.A had just scored a goal, so I knew he would be in a good mood (thank goodness). I asked “Would you mind if I grabbed a photo with you?” He answered “Sure, no problem.” We took the photo (and yes! I was glad to touch him. Lol!). He then asked “What are you getting into tonight?” I responded saying “Honestly not much. Just go home, eat, sleep and more sleep.” We talked for a little bit more and he told me to come out for drinks later. He wanted to hang out with me (Omg!). We traded numbers and shared some fine girl fine boy eye contact (lol…of course na!).

Since my sister and friends were waiting outside, they didn’t know what just happened and I didn’t bother to tell them. We headed off to a shopping center to get a few items. They had an awesome sale at the boutique, so we kinda spent a good chunk of time there. I didn’t know how I had forgotten we had a shopping date that day as well (Remember I told that man that I wasn’t doing anything afterwards. What is wrong with me?). On my way back home, I also remembered that I had a hair appointment. “Oh goodness! How long is this going to take now?” is all I was thinking. That also took a while. By the time I got done, it was around 9.45pm. During all this time, the chef guy and I were texting back and forth. Because I was caught up with so many things, I was responding pretty late to his messages (and I know that can be so annoying #errr). When my sister and I had finally gotten home, I told her what had happened him when she and the other girls were outside. She goes “You’re a fool! What is wrong with you and what are you doing here with me? Please start preparing, find out where he is and get out of here.” (Lol!!!) I finished laughing, but for some reason, I realized that I didn’t want to go out.

The thing is I didn’t really want to go out from the first instance. A lot of you guys may think it’s normal of course; to not want to go out with any random guy you meet.  The issue is that I don’t like to hang out at all cha cha (at all). I don’t know why, but whenever I’m asked out, I say “Maybe” then end up not going. I think of all the bad/ stupid things I could say or that could end up happening to ruin the night. I have become so comfortable with texting to the point that I strongly believe it’s the best platform for me (Technology is a killer! Lol). A lot of people don’t think so, as you can be easily misunderstood or spell check can take control of your conversation and mistakenly type up something you didn’t want to say in the first place(that’s happened quite a few times of course). I ended up not going out with the chef guy, and then I began thinking about if I really regretted it. What if I actually went out and had fun? What if I actually went out and tried something different for a change? Well… guess I can’t find out now. I ended up falling asleep singing to old Naija Jams (Wande Coal- You Bad, D’Banj-Suddenly, P-Square- No One Like You etc.) and calling it a night.

I think I actually have a bit more fun talking about the single life, rather than actually getting up and doing something about it (Weird… I know!). If I was to write a short letter to myself, it would go something like this:

“Nikolai, you need to learn how to face your fears. Give others a chance to find out about the real you. You can be pretty close minded at times, but think about it. What will that get you? The answer is absolutely nothing. Why don’t you take a chance and see what you might be able to learn from someone else as well. You never know. No one is asking you to marry the next guy that asks you out, but why don’t you step out of your comfort zone and try something new for a change. You might just end up liking it. You claim to know what you want from a guy and a relationship, but how will you ever get ahold of that if you keep putting walls between yourself and a potential Mr. Right? Even if you don’t enjoy yourself the first time or you say something silly, at least you have an interesting story to tell. Or, do you want to be single for life?”

Currently listening to: Beautiful Baby by Bracket ft Flavour (#teamVAST!)


Nikolai Obee

Nikolai Obee

Nikolai Obee (a.k.a Ms. Don't Use Me For Example) has a highly exuberant, but yet quirky personality. She’s a free spirit at heart and is constantly looking to broaden her horizons. She’s always open to others viewpoints and is an insightful listener, but never hesitant to speak her mind. Nikolai’s the typical girl next door, just with an animated twist! Follow her on Instagram @NikolaiObee Follow her blog


  1. Hello Nikolai, based on this article (which was fun to read by the way…lol) we think and behave alike. I am with you on this one but as much I love the way my life is right now, I have decided to step out of my comfort zone; as you said, who knows? You might actually enjoy it. Good luck with yours…

    1. Ollie my dear, I’m glad you enjoyed the read! Instead of making it a pity party, I chose to keep it entertaining. Thank you for the advice. It’s about time to come out of my shell

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