Nikolai Talks 4: Were You Born to be Negative?

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I see negativity as the principal focus of most conversations today and it has migrated to influence our daily behavior and activities. Apparently, from what I see, if you are not talking down about something or defaming someone’s character it means we can’t co-exist. What a shame. There comes a point in your life when you need to realize that your main objective should be towards improving yourself as a human being instead of concentrating your efforts on petty matters.  How exactly is what you’re saying benefiting your personal growth and impacting others?  I am not bashing anyone because I do struggle with this occasionally (like any regular human being), but I can definitely say with guidance from the Lord I am constantly improving myself. You need to think before you talk because your words may not always reflect your actions, but it surely reflects your behavior.

Jealousy plays a major role with negativity. Take for example, someone has something that you want or cannot have and it hurts you to admit that fact.  As a result, you construct this dangerous playing field where you feel that you must acquire whatever he/she has to show off. If you can’t get a hold of it, you find the nearest group of people around to discuss the “reasons” why that particular individual irks your nerves. You might not have ever known or even spoken to this person, but you for some bizarre reason feel a sharp pain that he/ she has somehow mentally and spiritually inflicted in your heart. Why could this be? The answer is very simple. Negativity has created the madness and you are now getting out of control.

The majority of gossiping leads to negativity. When you destructively gossip, you are talking behind someone’s back regarding something you dislike or disapprove of about him/her. You could also just be spreading information about something or someone you received from a second hand party and choose to assume a role as an “ajayi with no payment”. You engage others who are naïve about a particular situation to attract attention to yourself. Some may beg to differ and say they are just sharing general news or venting, but did anyone send you? I think not! I never said don’t voice your opinion, but there is a way to do it and mind your business while you’re at it. There is also a way to seek someone else’s advice without badmouthing others if the subject at hand directly pertains to you.  As a former proper madam gossiper, I know the broadcasting feeling was sweet. It’s like no other when you know people are always lining up for the latest gist, so you will salt and pepper before you stir the pot.

Last but not least, I must stress that negativity is a learnt trait in itself. It’s as simple as “negativity leads to negativity”. Some people are naturally always negative! The main result of their conduct stems from past adverse conditions they have experienced in the past.  When people display a negative behavior /personality, it is easy for others to feed off it. Think about it. I surely do remember the times when I kept to myself, minding my own business and a friend of mine would begin talking in an undesirable manner about a specific thing or person looking to get some feedback from me.  I found myself putting my mouth in matters that didn’t concern me because I felt as though I had to back “my friend” up.  As I grew older I realized that all of that was uncalled for, especially if I was only going to be spewing out negativity.

Overall, the main point I am trying to stress is that pessimism is not the key to anyone’s success. My mother always told me that “experience is the best teacher” and it’s true.  We all make mistakes and must learn from it daily. Negativity causes a lot of animosity and unpleasant mannerisms within our daily interactions and as a result, alters proper reasoning in various circumstances. It is up to us to determine what occasions actually call for our contribution and others that we should filter ourselves from. If you read this post, I know that you can personally identify with some of these situations or have actually noticed similar happenings in the reality of the world we live in. I know no one can simply shut out negativity completely from their system, but I hope this “short” reading might aid some of you as a stepping stone for improving overall personal development.


P.S. I have always been deeply in love with Olamide, but I am truly in love with his latest jam with Wale “Make us proud”. I never understand half of what he is saying, but I have never cared! Lol!

Other songs I’m loving: (Iyanya ft Selebobo- Poco A Poco) (Ruby Gyang- Good Man) (2Face ft Bridget Kelly- Let Somebody Love you)





Nikolai Obee

Nikolai Obee

Nikolai Obee (a.k.a Ms. Don't Use Me For Example) has a highly exuberant, but yet quirky personality. She’s a free spirit at heart and is constantly looking to broaden her horizons. She’s always open to others viewpoints and is an insightful listener, but never hesitant to speak her mind. Nikolai’s the typical girl next door, just with an animated twist! Follow her on Instagram @NikolaiObee Follow her blog


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