MEMOIRS OF AN INSANE KID #2
“A free spirit is rare” has to be the truest quote or saying or proverb. I’ve had the opportunity to have met the craziest, freakiest set of human beings and we’ve clicked. I call it kindred spirit. It’s funny how you’d meet a total stranger at some point in your life and you’d understand yourselves thoroughly. Unfortunately, the people I share this kindred spirit are very few.
But I’m glad I know them. We’ve had fun moments together. Imagine just waking up bored and deciding to take a trip without prior plans or even getting extra piercings. Yeah, I still have my own piercings and I’m yet to regret them.
I met most of these friends in my university days. This is because I was something of an introvert before then, extremely shy and quiet. I still have a phobia for crowded places. I was the real definition of a geek, living in my head and just ‘observing’. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t one of the unpopular kids. I had…or might still have a reputation that precedes me. I wasn’t just book-smart. It seemed like I knew that someday, I’d be given free rein to do whatsoever I desired; so that was just my own training period. It was all in my head…the things I wanted to do. I have a very vivid and creative imagination, thus my mind games are not of this world. And, I must add this; I’m yet to understand the luck on which I thrive.
I remember once, I was set up and ditched. Go ahead and laugh at me. For the sake of this episode, the guy would be referred to as The Boyfriend. It was one of those relationships that I’d wanted to end, but the guy always did something nice at the same moment I had prepared to end it, often making me swallow my well-rehearsed break-up lines. Somehow, we both knew it wasn’t working out anymore. I’m not even sure it ever did…one of those things you kept patching up till you couldn’t do it anymore. Both of our friends did the match-making. My friend was dating his friend. They cared so much; they couldn’t imagine seeing two of their single friends being that way. They just had to do something. I was drowned in speeches from my friend like “…prove that you’re not a lesbian”, “…he’s tall just like you…and cute too!”, ”I just dunno what’s wrong with you; you guys would be so good together and we’d both be dating friends”. That was how I ended up with The Boyfriend.
Long story short, we were a disaster. We no just send ourselves. But whenever I wanted to end it, my friend would intervene, telling me I hadn’t tried hard enough. Sincerely, I was blank on how to act. That’s why I can’t stand match-making. I had no idea of what my friend had regaled him with. I knew I was to live up to an expectation but I didn’t know which. I often got lectures on being more lovey-dovey and all that mushy stuff. I was to pretend being ‘in love”. Pretence has never been my strongpoint. To what end?
It turned out he wanted to do the ditching in style. His friend began to pester me. He wanted us to hang out together, often in The Boyfriend’s absence. I wasn’t finding it funny. I even brought it to The Boyfriend’s notice for him to laugh over it. The day I had scheduled to see him, give him my piece of mind and end the torturous relationship, he somehow managed to push the thought out of my mind and I postponed it again. I was alone in the room, with The Boyfriend having gone to the sitting room.
Not long after he’d left the room, his friend entered, acting delighted to see me as I had been avoiding him. I felt safe, I mean, The Boyfriend was just in the sitting room. We were talking like old mates and then, he said he wanted to play a game where we’d ask ourselves questions and whoever fails would take off a piece of clothing. My instincts kicked me. Playing a stripping game with The Boyfriend’s friend wasn’t my idea of fun. He had already taken his shirt off, attributing it to the heat. I kept smiling awkwardly while my mind was spinning wildly. It just wasn’t right. I could feel it deep in my bone marrow. As much as I wanted to end it, being tagged a cheat or two-timing b!#ch didn’t fit in anywhere. I saw myself from someone else’s perspective; me on the bed, looking up at a half-dressed guy. The picture wasn’t nice in my head.
I practically jumped off the bed and made for the door. He was faster. He grabbed me, hugging me tightly from behind and cooing in my ears that avoiding him hadn’t been fair to him. I was struggling, he was holding me tighter. At that moment, the door swung open with The Boyfriend standing there with another friend. Their faces were blank. I had stopped struggling because his friend’s hands had slackened their grip. He simply shifted away and proceeded to wear his T-shirt. The Boyfriend held out his hand and I ran to him. He felt like my savior at that point. I felt vindicated that he had finally seen what I had been complaining about. I was preparing another speech; not for breakup though. I was planning a thorough tongue-lashing. One look at The Boyfriend’s face made me change my mind. He looked angry. He kept a straight face as we walked to where I took a bus home. Trust me, I was confused.
Even when I got home, I was still dazed. Was it my fault that his friend was all over me? At least, I had put up a fight. Then, it hit me. I had been set up. Throughout his friend’s stay in the room, The Boyfriend didn’t show up till the last minute. I just knew it was a set-up. From his friend’s persistence to the room encounter to the stony silence on my way home and… my phone beeped:”It’s over. I don’t know what to think of you going behind my back to meet my friend”. I read and re-read the text message.
At that moment, I was blank and I started checking out how grammatically correct the phrase “behind my back” was. I thought, how would one say “behind my back”…your back is behind and behind that is the opposite. Like we were taught is Mathematics, negative plus negative equals positive. Back plus back equals front. So behind one’s back is the front. That was my conclusion. Don’t blame me. I needed a distraction. Nothing had happened how I planned it. I wanted the break up, to be the one doing the ditching; and I was the one being ditched. At least, it was over though I felt numb. The whole encounter kept playing and replaying in my head. I didn’t tell anyone, I couldn’t. I was hurt. That came as a shock to me.
Prior to that moment, I felt I didn’t want anything to with The Boyfriend anymore. Well, I guess the circumstances surrounding the jilting enforced certain emotions. No one likes being at the losing end. I felt down. I told my friend who did the match-making. I tried to be flippant about it. I think I succeeded because she began to tell me of other girls he had been dating, claiming she couldn’t tell me before because we were dating. She claimed it was “good riddance”. I felt I had just been slammed hard in the head twice because of the same person. Then, I felt vengeful. I had been accused of being a cheat. I decided to hook up with one of The Boyfriend’s friends as rebound; preferably, the one who had been on my case. He was my prime target as he was the reason I was accused.
As fate would have it, after the breakup, some of The Boyfriend’s friends seemed interested. I just had to make my choice. The unfortunate guy was Kezie. We hit it off. All the lovey-dovey gooey stuff I refused to do with The Boyfriend, I offloaded them on him. He felt lucky. I wanted our new hot romance to get back to The Boyfriend. I needed that scandal. I wanted to derive the satisfaction from it. It filled my bloodstream. Yes, I admit with a slight sense of embarrassment that it was plain stupid.
We were everywhere. People saw us. He was enjoying the ‘love’. I think he was into me. I felt sorry for him. I was just using him as the means to an end. I achieved exactly what I wanted. The Boyfriend called me a couple of times and ended the call immediately I picked it. I was glad. Mission accomplished…or so I thought. Kezie was becoming demanding. He wanted the public display of affection and wanted us to see often. I had become uninterested. That’s the downside of these rebounds. Once the target is reached, all interests would be lost.
I kept hanging out with Kezie though. We were becoming an item. He was The Boyfriend’s friend so invariably; they had the same clique of friends. Tongues wagged still. I didn’t just care but I sought an escape and soon, the situation presented itself. We’d gone out to hangout and Kezie kept filling me with alcohol. He wanted us to go clubbing. He had even reserved a room. I declined. I needed my space. It seemed he had ulterior motives. He decided we should “chill” before I headed back home. The moment I admitted to being tipsy, he became insistent on the “chilling” and we headed back to the room.
Alcohol has always been my undoing. Even before we were at the room, we were all hands and tongue, pawing ourselves and looking like we were glued at the lips. We got into the room and once Kezie had secured the door lock, he proceeded to stripping. I was just sitting on the bed, watching him coolly. The mischief in me kicked in. I knew I didn’t want that. I had achieved what I wanted so there was no need pretending. I looked at the stark naked Kezie, smiling slightly. I simply got off the bed, readjusted my clothes and told him I was leaving because it was getting late. He stared at me like I had just slapped him. And surprisingly, he picked his clothes from the floor without any protest. He opened the door and accompanied me to get a cab.
My heart was hammering wildly. I had expected at least an argument. I felt like he’d hit me. I expected him to do something violent. It was like I had turned a switch off. I got a cab and headed home. He called to know if I had gotten home safely. His voice was cold. I felt obliged to apologize. He didn’t even give me a chance. He stopped picking my calls. I’d have sincerely appreciated being just friends with him. The whole fiasco made me realize that he’s actually a nice guy and I wished I had met him instead of The Boyfriend. It seemed I had done the “you lose one to get one” thingy. I finally got my revenge and lost a good person.
Revenge is really nothing. Not worth it at. As a strong believer in karma, I’ve learnt to let things be. Besides, I’ve gotten too lazy for all these games. It’s super-tasking. I feel life is easy if only we could be straightforward. But if I had given the breakup with The Boyfriend some time before proceeding to explain and fully understand what transpired between us, I wouldn’t be writing this memoir. So, it was worth the fun!