IT IS TIME TO END THAT RELATIONSHIP
Human beings have the tendency to idealize things that we want. And most especially when we are in love with someone, they seem more attractive, intelligent and desirable than they really are, and when things are eventually over, we would sometimes look back and ask “What was I thinking hanging on to that scum?”
Falling in love with someone could be so powerful that even when the sparks are gone, you might not know or might just not want to accept they are gone. And when it comes to dysfunctional relationships, people usually hold on because they are deeply invested; be it their emotions, finance, family connections, or even that so much time has passed that they feel there is no way out.
But sometimes, all you need to do is listen to your instincts, trust your gut and stop investing your time and energy into a relationship that is not working or has stopped working. Admit the relationship is over, and it’s time to break it off and break through to a happier life especially when you are not married yet. Healthy relationships require that we value our needs, wants, and most importantly, ourselves, because I believe your partner should enhance you, and not deplete you.
A lot of people will endure hardship, even when it is extreme sometimes, they will constantly try to convince themselves of reasons not to leave their current partner, hoping that one day things will get better or go back to how they were, and that all the pain will go away one day.
So, what am I saying? Should you just pack up any and every relationship at the sign of a slight problem or challenge? Maybe not, because we are supposed to fight for love sometimes, and fix whatever is broken in our relationships. But what I am saying is, it gets to a point where you should tell yourself “I have tried my best; I can go home now” because, falling in love is not the only thing there is to human existence, and if being in love with a particular person will bring nothing but long-term pain and suffering to you or to both of you, I insist you end it and move on. So, what are some of the signs that it is time to end that relationship?
- If unhappiness in the relationship persists for a significant amount of time and it is not going away no matter how you two try to talk about things.
- If you feel trapped or dependent upon your partner at all times.
- If you’ve put extreme distance or totally cut off former close relationships you used to have with your other friends and/or family at the instance of your partner.
- If the only reason you are staying in the relationship is to avoid hurting your partner.
- If your relationship has turned into war games, where you both throw insults, rude remarks, or you are constantly in competition, and every simple issue turns into a big soap opera.
- If trust has broken down, and it seems it cannot be rebuilt no matter how hard you try.
- If you’ve both grown apart and don’t share the same goals and values anymore, or you’ve both simply become unhappy about the whole relationship and everything seems like a struggle.
- If you are in the relationship because you are afraid to be alone, even when there are no more feelings of love for your partner.
- If you are seriously considering pursuing a relationship with someone else.
- If things become abusive. And in case you are not sure of what “abuse” in a relationship means; try to answer these questions: Does your partner reduce your self-esteem? Do you feel threatened or afraid of your partner every time? Does your partner try to control all your decisions and your life every time? Have you lost all your friends because of this relationship? Does your partner hit, push, or force you to have sex?
If your answer to any of those questions is yes, you are definitely in an abusive relationship and you might do yourself a lot of good by ending it now – before it is too late. However you might want to go further a bit before making that final decision, and the most pragmatic way is to make a list with two columns; one column should list all the positive attributes of your relationship/partner, and the other should list the negative attributes, but make sure you are plain honest about the attributes without leaving any of them behind. Sometimes seeing a concrete list where one column is much longer than the other will help you see your situation more objectively hence making it easier to end a relationship that no longer brings you joy and rest of mind. Relationships should add to your quality of life, and not subtract from it.
So, how do you end the relationship without making a big mess out of it? I will talk about that some other time. Stay Safe.