Inkspression: In search of Husband Material

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Mothers are awesome people; I love mine a lot. They want to know what you are up to at all times, if you are feeding well (if you don’t live at home anymore), if your work isn’t stressful and all that. They just want to know that everything is going well with you especially relationship-wise. It is not as if every mother will bug her kids at all times about who they are dating but it gets to a particular age where every mom wants to know who the man in her daughter’s life is. If the daughter is single, she just earned herself an almost every minute check-up and counselling from her mother.

As a girl, I dread this age a lot but I can’t avoid it for a very long time now that my elder sisters are all about to become married. My mom is already stylishly asking about my boyfriend. I went home last december for my sister’s introduction ceremony and on one morning, my mom called me and the conversation went thus:

Mum: (grinning) so, how is your boyfriend?
Me: (confused) which boyfriend?
Mum: (laughing) don’t pretend joor. That boy that is always disturbing you
Me: (super confused) which boy is always disturbing me?
Mum: (still grinning) that boy na. Don’t lie o, Seun (my younger sister) told me about the boy.
Me: (laughing and super confused) maybe Seun gave me a boyfriend in her dreams oo. I don’t know the boy she is talking about.
Mum: (serious face) oya, tell me na. What is the name of your boyfriend?
Me: I don’t have a boyfriend jare
Mum: (serious face) better stop joking. You don’t have boyfriend ke? At this age?
Me: I don’t have na. I’m single jare
Mum: (really serious face) Ah! Ma sere o (don’t joke o). So no boy is asking you out? No single boy? Tell me o, so I can start fasting and praying and give mummy pastor the prayer request.
Me: (SUPER AMAZED) speechless…

Throughout that day, all that rang in my head was the fasting and praying thing. I had to keep on calculating my age if it is really a terrible thing to be single. I had just turned 22 that December and seriously, I had never imagined my mom would get so worried about me being single, at least not that early. Whenever she is about shifting the conversation to the delicate “boyfriend” issue, I just find reasons, although sometimes ridiculous, to run. I know I shouldn’t be but my mom talking about me being un-single actually feels as if she placed a noose around my neck. Like it’s either I get a man or I choke.

I know so many people are having this same issue and they are ready to jump on any man that seems like the real deal immediately they are asked out just to get the mom off their backs. I know satisfying your mom and making her smile is a great thing but shouldn’t your hapiness or doing the right thing come first? Do I have to jump on the next guy that ask me out just because my mom is worried I’m single?

These days where marriage has lost its value and people get married for the absolute wrongest of reasons, I think it is wise not to rush things and take your time. If the marriage is all rosy and you just feel blessed to be married, you are the one enjoying the benefits and not your mom. Even when she comes visiting, she won’t stay long. (I believe all “mothers” should keep away from their children’s matrimonial homes to give those couple the chance to live their lives as couples should without feeling as if they have to tip toe in their own home). Whatever fruit your marriage is bearing or will bear, you are responsible for it and not your mom.

In my opinion, I think while searching for a husband material or a wife material, your age should be the last thing to consider. I’m not saying for men who are old and still playing around with small girls, refusing to get married or old maids that just feel marriage is an act of weakness. I’m talking about young people who know what they want for their future and know what they want to be in certain years to come. Looking at yourself and saying “I’m 25, I’m too old to find a man that will love me for me” is just plain absurd or “my mom really wants me to get a man, I should just find any man. Love or whatever will grow with time”. I’ve heard these things often and they are ridiculous. Even if all your friends are married, you should never just go with any man. If he hits you and abuses you or has absolutely no regards for your emotions or he is a chronic alcoholic, womaniser or drug addict and you stick with him because you are “too old” or “mummy says I should get a man”, you are digging a very nice early grave for yourself.

You can’t even search for husband material. I mean, is there a market for that?! Like the old wise saying, you can’t get what you are not prepared for. A correct man will not come your way if you are not a correct woman yourself; it is a simple logic. You can’t be a trash can and expect not to have dirt coming your way. If you don’t know what you want in your man, how will you recognise him when he comes your way. I believe a patient woman always gets the best because you’ve taken time to groom yourself for the best. The patient dog eats the fattest bone still applies to every situation. I know a patient person can’t do wrong. Even if you hurry to jump on a guy, if he won’t marry you, he won’t. So, why can’t you be patient and let the husband material find you instead of searching for him.

Alice Temitope Dako

Alice Temitope Dako

A passionate reader, a photographer of thoughts and an ardent book collector. A nerd in love with the world built by words...

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