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I always hear people in relationship or marriage say that openness and full honesty is the way to go, and when I talk to most women, they tell me they would rather marry a man who would say the truth at all times, but there is a quote I saw somewhere, it says “A man who has never lied to a woman, has never respected her feelings”. So, these things could be conflicting, women want nothing but the whole truth, but men want to decide when to say the truth, and when to say ‘the whole truth’. So, the question I am asking today is; if you find yourself cheating or you have cheated on your wife, should you confess to her or just let it slide, especially after you’re through with the affair?

Let’s not pretend like we’re all angels here, men having an affair or a one night/afternoon stand for whatever reason happens all the time, even the most loyal of boyfriends/husbands do. I also know it can be prevented because I have seen men who never cheat on their wives, but if you do find yourself crumpled in someone else’s sheets one afternoon or night, don’t hate yourself for it, kick yourself, yes, but hate yourself? I don’t think so. You know some things just happen and we don’t see it coming until it’s too late.

Maybe recently, your bag of guilt has gotten heavier with each passionate night with your cheating partner, and now that you’ve decided to end it all and come clean; you should know that there’s more than a good bath that you’re going to need. Let’s face it. Your woman is not going to be pleased to hear of your affair, in fact, she would be rather pissed off, feel angered, repulsed and disgusted. But her final reaction, you can never tell, as some women will eventually forgive you and move on as if nothing happened while others would practically bring down hell and its fury.

Two of my female friends gave me their perspectives on this topic; I asked them what they would do if their man confessed to cheating. Note; confessed, not caught.

Arit said she would explore why it happened – random encounter, long standing attraction…? Then get tested for STDs and take time away to process. The time away, she said would help her avoid completely emotional reactions, so that her final decision has input from both her head and heart.

Omoyeni said she would be very angry because he trusted him not to cheat on her, but then she might consider the fact that his coming around to confess and apologize meant he would be ready to make amends.

But here are my own opinions

  1. Weigh The Pros and Cons

As much as going ahead and reveal it all to your partner while kneeling down and she is sobbing is the right thing to do, you must ask yourself how you would be able to sleep at night if all you hear after the confession and after every argument or small fight is “cheater… cheater… cheater…” But here’s the thing, and I think it is personal. Would it be better to shut your mouth and avoid the cheater cries or would it be better to confess and live guilt free? Weigh the pros and cons around it and make up your own mind… you cheater!

  1. Will Her Reaction Be Extreme?

It’s your wife or long term girlfriend we are talking about here, and I assume you would be able to guess how she is likely to react in such circumstance. Therefore, If you know or you think that are reaction would be extreme, you need to ask yourself if you are willing to risk your marriage or your relationship over a little fling or an affair that had already ended; of course you cheated and had an affair behind her back, but do you intend to do it again? Is your love deep enough to survive the confession to an affair? Is your partner understanding enough to accept your lack-of-sexual-control and forgive you or would she try to get back at you by having an affair of her own? Or would she just want to end the relationship or marriage completely? The answers you get to these questions will indicate if you should give your confession a serious thought or not. I think confession is good and you should confess if you must, but it would be wiser to do so only if you know your relationship is strong enough to survive your screw up. Sometimes, locking away the guilt is way easier. It’s a sick thing to do, especially when your wife/girlfriend truly thinks you’re a saintly lover, but you’ll have to deal with it somehow.

  1. Can You And Your Woman Put The Episode Behind?

I have actually seen and heard about few scenarios where a confession actually brought the partners closer in a relationship/marriage. But that would only happen if both of you are willing to put it behind as a bad memory. So you need to ask yourself how certain you are that your woman has a secret box in her head where she can stash all your filthy dirt away and not bring them out once in while whenever there is another issue not related to the confessed and discarded affair.

  1. Can You Live With The Guilt?

If you’re truly in love with your woman, you’re going to be terribly guilty when you cheat on her with another woman. So it all boils down to if you can really live with your guilt and lie in your partner’s arms after having sex with someone else, If you can’t, I advise you confess. But if you can live with your guilt, then lock the secret away and don’t ever talk about it with anyone. You may feel uncomfortable for some time, and you may even have sudden urges to confess. But think of the damage it could cause and hold it back in. Promise yourself that you’re through with your cheating ways, and try to stay with only your woman from then on. It’s a mistake I believe you can make up for, somehow.

But for a moment let’s forget about the above considerations, there are times you definitely have to confess to cheating or else it will cost you more when bubble eventually bursts. Here are few examples of when you must confess your infidelity:

  1. You side chic/one night stand threatens to blackmail you by any means, pictures, sex videos and the likes, and you are sure she has the materials.
  2. A close friend or family to your woman sees you and your cheating partner in a compromising position, in a compromising location.
  3.  When you pass on a sexually transmitted disease to your woman who you know is surely loyal to you only.
  4. When your woman walks in and finds you in bed or in a compromising position with your secretary or your cheating partner. I know some guys just like in Nollywood movies will say things like “this is not what it looks like, it is not what you think it is” Dude, seriously, are you Jim Iyke? What does it look like to you?
Christopher Bamidele

Christopher Bamidele

Chris Bamidele is a passionate and unapologetic Nigerian; an amateur writer and aspiring TV director who holds a first degree in Mass Communication, but majored in Radio and TV Broadcasting. He is cool headed, a realist, and an optimist to the core. Chris Bamidele blogs African stories on and tweets @degreatest2. He currently lives in Lagos.


  1. *You know some things just happen and we don’t see it coming until it’s too late.* this makes me to remember my last long relationship, till it last she never knew I cheated on her though I told her about ladies *friends* I asked out but never dated. But at the end I got my fingers burnt somehow. Nice write-up.

  2. Hmmmmmm you know now even if they meet that person will remain a friend and the worst comes to the worst which no one prays for it will come as a clarification and never as a convention it’s a priest that we are entitled to confess to na *lol but its hard o expecially when one has numerous past relationships or hanging ones / abandoned relationships

  3. My heart was broken for 6 months and I never thought it was possible to get my lover back again. but robinsonbuckler @yahoo. com made me know that his spell will return my lover again, after several days of casting his spell, he renewed my lovers heart and made my lover to love me again

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