When I first thought of writing this post, I wanted desperately to pour out all the anger I was feeling for something that happened to me yesterday. I wanted to write and write till my hand was aching me but when I started, something occurred to me that I was obviously not the only one going through this ish. So many people out there have parents who are real pains in their asses and it is actually a terrible thing when we think about it. Maybe I should start by sharing what happened to me yesterday with you guys. I’m not afraid of anybody who will come here and judge me. It is actually not going to bug me one bit because the fact that I can write about it doesn’t mean I want to condemn anybody but to help so many people out there. After all, we are all going to be parents one day.
About two years ago, I was going through a whole lot of issues that was making me depressed and was afraid to share with anyone. I drew into my shell because I saw myself as being vulnerable and susceptible to being betrayed and hurt. I stopped talking with my best friend, I totally alienated myself from a lot of people who I’m sure could have helped me through that phase. I was angry and sad and could not trust anybody anymore. The best way to deal with everything going on with me was partying excessively, drinking, smoking and skipping school. That went on for almost a year until my parents found out and the stuff got to my faculty officer and had to be withdrawn from the school. Scared of my father, I ran away from home twice and had to go home because of my mom. My dad practically disowned me and although I’ve begged, he still insisted on having nothing to do with me.
My mom (God bless her soul) took up the challenge of sponsoring my education and I’m grateful for that because I know how hard it has been especially dealing with my dad who strongly wants me to be a desolate because of what I did earlier. It’s been two years, in my final year and my dad hasn’t still moved on. I know how disappointed someone can be when someone fails you but is that enough to write that person off that he/she can never fail us? I’m a totally changed person and he refused to see that. He keeps on holding on to a past that has vapourised. My mom keeps telling me to ignore everything he says to me and face my studies squarely but that can sometimes be hard when every time I step home, all my dad is about is the money I wasted then and not the progress I’m making now. I do not hate him despite everything. He’s not given a kobo since that time and I never bothered him with it. My mom doesn’t bother him too. Why then should he in every way look for a way to pull me down instead of encourage me to go further? Just yesterday, he still told someone not to help me with my IT placement in Nestlé. Is my offence so great that the dude can’t think of forgiveness? Is he not teaching me as unforgiving as he is?
It is so bad that I can’t even go to the house and call it a home because I can’t find happiness there. I can stay away for half a year without missing the place and when I tell people I don’t want to go home, they get all preachy on me just because they don’t know half of the things I go through in the hands of my “father”. Parents are guardians and role models to their children but what lessons am I supposed to pick from this man? If I treat my own children the same way he is treating me, will he be happy with me? Or if he grows old and grey and we all gang up to not take care of him or neglect, how will he feel?.
So many parents do not even understand the reasons for getting married and making babies. They just do it to please the society. I could have asked him if he preferred me dead rather than succeed but all I could ask was what of God up there that we fail every minute and forgives us every time. I’ve watched my father do so many absurd things since I was small that marriage scares the hell out of me. Whenever someone says the prayer “a man like your father is who you will meet”, I’m quick to reject it without thinking twice. Who wants a man who acts as if he did us a favour by giving birth to us or who wants a man that will make my kids hide in terror whenever they hear his voice? I should see my dad and say, that’s the kind of man I want to marry or be like not the other way round. He makes such a poor role model and many times, I wished my mom never met him.
I know parenting is tough but as youths, we can still change things by thinking thoroughly what we want to achieve in the lives of our kids before thinking of marriage. I know marriage is the union of two people who love themselves, been through happy and sad together and have found themselves compatible to live together but we should place our emotions aside and consider what’s best for our children. When you can’t train your kids well, they go all off and you too can’t be happy. Whatever stigma your child carries, you carry it too. Think of the best thing you want your children to be and look for someone who shares the same opinion with you.