Cheating is so rampant that females have been taught to get used to it. We’ve been told over and over that all men cheat. Not that cheating is affiliated to men alone but in this part of the world, it is very common amongst men. Note that it is not all men that cheat nor is it only married men that cheat. Most single men think cheating is not a crime because there is no legal bond between them and their babes. It’s almost as if it is their right to sleep with other women while they are married or not. No matter how often we’ve heard that men are dogs will always act like dogs, it is always traumatic when your partner is caught cheating. Be it with the maid, a colleague at work, a random babe he met somewhere or a prostitute, knowing that your husband sleeps with another woman asides you can cause a deep pain to you. You want to ask him certain things but you are just so afraid of the answers you’ll get or you just don’t knw who to ask. These are the answers to the questions that may roaming your mind:
1. If he wants her so much, why is he still with me?
Ans: He is selfish. He wants the both of you. If he has fallen in love with the other woman, he will eventually get a divorce from you and go to her. If he doesn’t want to leave you, he’s just plain greedy or he sees something in you that is not worth leaving the girl for. For him, it may just be that the sex with the other girl is great.
2. Is it wrong to watch him or hire a private investigator if I suspect that he is cheating?
Ans: it is not wrong to have your husband watched or boyfriend when you have an intuition that he is cheating on you. As his wife, you have every right to know what he is doing outside your marriage especially when your emotional well being is involved. Never feel guilty about having him followed. If it is a boyfriend, be careful so you won’t come off a obsessive and clingy.
3. Why does he keep cheating on me even when he says he won’t do it again?
Ans: He keeps doing it again because he knows that you will forgive him. In the time past, you’ve taken him in after he’s been caught and he is confident that you will take him in again. You can’t keep doing the same thing and expect a different result. If you want him to take you seriously, make him understand that his cup is full and you’re not having anything to do with him again. Up the ante or you will continue to live a life of emotional turmoil.
4. He’s such a liar. How can I ever trust him again that he will never cheat on me again?
Ans: Learning to trust again especially after you’ve been hurt by the person you love is very hard and in some cases, impossible. It is an individual choice to trust or not to trust again and only you will know if you truly feel comfortable with what is being said and done. There is no quick fix for infidelity, it can take years to restore trust. Many men believe that once they have confessed, that should be the end of the matter. Unless you know that you’ve been heard on all levels and your partner understands the gravity of his immaturity and the mistakes he made, you may never get over him cheating.
5. If he’s having another relationship, must it be sexual?
Ans: when you ask the question “is it sexual?”, you are trying to justify your man’s deception and minimize your emotional anguish. It doesn’t matter if he is watching pornography, chatting with other women online or physically having an affair because it will all end up in a desire for sex. If it was all innocent and harmless to you, the only question you should be asking is “would you do any or all of these things with me present?”
6. Is it my fault that he is cheating?
Ans: it is never your fault that your man is cheating on you. As hard as it is to believe, there are men who remain faithful to their wives despite all the temptation flying around them. I know most husbands and boyfriends try to shift the blame on to the woman by giving excuses like “you were too busy”, “you never paid attention to my sexual needs” and so on. He should stop shifting blames and take full responsibilty for his actions. That even shows he is more remorseful.
7. He gets home every evening when he is supposed but my guts tells me he is cheating on me. I’ve even seen signs, how can that be?
Ans: time is never the issue, it is always about the sex. To avoid raising suspicions, he would often sneak out of the office with his mistress to a discrete place where no one he can’t bump into people he knows. Some men even quickies in their offices just to prevent busy bodies from meddling in his affairs. It is always possible he is cheating on you despite the fact that he is always home. You can always have him investigated if you feel strongly that he is cheating on you.
8. Should I stay for the children?
Ans: Children pick up easily when there is tension at home and can blame themselves for what is going on. If you decide to stay and try to rebuild your relationship, you will both need to agree how this can be achieved without causing trauma for the children. From a child’s point of view, it is best to have a single happy parent than have two warring parents. Staying with him because of your kids and not still close to forgiving him or fixing your relationship will cause as much scar on your kids if not more. Think what’s best for the children.
9. When I say I’m going to leave, why doesn’t he take me seriously?
Ans: because you’ve been talking and not acting. If you didn’t leave before, he’s sure you won’t leave him, ever. Threats without actions are not worth anything.
10. I just want the truth, why does he keep comforting me with lies?
Ans: In most cases, he lied to you just to avoid facing your wrath if you know the truth. He hopes the denying it will it go away and you’ll stop asking him questions. He sometimes lies to protect his ego and the other woman fearing that you will use the information to undermine her. And he may also not tell truth because he fears that will damage his image in the eyes of others.
11. I feel like he is taking advantage of me and my love everytime he cheats on me and apologises. Is that true?
Ans: actually, yes he is. If he keeps going back and forth, he knows you love him too much and your heart is that large to accomodate his bullshit. Love is not enough to condone a man’s infidelity. If you feel like he is taking advantage of you, you should take a break especially if you people are not married. Analyse your feelings properly. Is he worth the hurt and tears?
12. I’m vulnerable, countless men have cheated on me over time. Are there still faithful me out there?
Ans: yes, there are men who do not go on sexual escapades outside their relationships. Even if you are a virgin, there are men who would respect that and remain undoubtedly faithful to you. Like you said, you are vulnerable and men can sense gullibility in women. Take time off dating and find out who you really are for you. Discover yourself and be a single woman every man won’t want to loose to another man. Do not carry that mindset that “all men cheat” into your relationship.