ARE YOU BREAKING UP FOR THE RIGHT REASONS?

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ARE YOU BREAKING UP FOR THE RIGHT REASONS?

Break-up is hard for anybody; but we all handle it differently; to some, it’s like death – their whole identity is shattered; but to others, it’s just another day in life especially when they are the ones doing the walking away.

If you are 25 years old and above, the chances are, you have broken up with someone or some people and left their hearts shattered, or some people/someone in the past had broken up with you too and left you bitter. I also know that break-ups happen for different reasons ranging from “We just fell out love” “He/she cheated on me and lied to me” “The sex was bad” “My family members don’t like him/her” “My Pastor saw a vision about him/her” and so many other reasons. People break up for the right reasons and sometimes just for the wrong ones; don’t get me wrong, you get into some relationships and after some time, you totally realize that you would be making a mistake if you continued with that person and eventually spending the rest of your life with them, in such situation, walking out would be ideal even if the person being walked out on would feel terribly bad. But my point is, not every bad day in your relationship has to spell the end because not every problem is insurmountable.

So how do you know if you’re throwing in the towel for the wrong reasons? Check out the few ones I have below and let’s see if you’d agree with them.

  1. You Can’t Handle Baggage

The truth is everyone comes into relationships with some kind of baggage, ranging from ex-baggage, family baggage, emotional baggage or any kind of baggage you can think of. But, I believe if the baggage your partner is coming into the relationship with is something you can manage and eventually push to the background, you should give it a try, because no one is totally free of baggage, we all are just managing it. So, if you’re looking for perfection in a relationship, you should probably just prepare to live alone and all by yourself.

  1. They Don’t Make You Happy All The Time

I have heard people called off relationship because of this, especially women; but the truth is while you should be happy in a relationship, someone else should never be wholly responsible for your own happiness. We should be happy while in love but relationship doesn’t exist JUST to make you happy, it’s not the answer to everything, neither is it an elixir to bring a permanent smile to your face all year round. A partner can obviously be a great support in your life, but you’re still responsible for yourself, for accomplishing your individual goals and for keeping yourself entertained most times. Some of us get into relationship and abandon all hobbies, ambitions or dreams because we are expecting the relationship to fulfill all our needs, if you are one of the people who do this, you’re doing yourself, and your partner a disservice. For a relationship to work, you have to work it, because it is not all merry, and if you are breaking up because your partner doesn’t make you happy every single time, then you’ve seen one too many romantic movies.

  1. The Butterflies Are Gone

I hear this line often in relationships “You no longer do those things you used to do” and many more lines like that. Some ladies would remember how their first few dates with their man were, how they had butterflies in their stomachs, how they blushed because their outfits were complimented, and how their hearts were hammering, and there was a rushing sound in their ears like beating wings when they kissed, but years have rolled by and those things eventually start wearing off, then they just conclude the love is no longer there; they break up and move on to the next guy who brings all those things to the table again. This for me is a wrong reason to break up as most times, those moments wear off not because the love is waxing cold but because you have now become comfortable with each other, and I assure you, the new guy will soon become like the old.

  1. She/He Is Not A Stereotype

Maybe you are guy, and you think your girlfriend should be coming to your crib every weekend to cook your meals and do your laundry, or you are girl, and you believe your boyfriend should be working all day and spending all of his money on you and all you have to do is shop and look awesome, or he is supposed to be waking you up with calls and romantic sms every morning; and when these things are not happening, you break up solely because of that and start looking for another relationship. You might just have to stay very single for a long time, as no two people are exactly the same, and you shouldn’t expect anyone to be like someone else you have dated before or someone your friend is dating.

  1.  You Have Different Schedules

Sometimes relationships take a little more work especially when you have different work schedules. Your different work schedules should not be in the way of your relationship, if every other aspect of the relationship is otherwise great. Let’s say your partner works nights and you work in the mornings, instead of breaking up because you don’t get to see as often as you’d love to, you can always find time during the weekends or the public holidays if you really want to make the relationship work. And who says either of you can’t/won’t find another job that would give both of you ample time to see each other and build your relationship.

  1. You Don’t Have Everything In Common

Chances are you won’t have the same hobbies with your partner, since everyone is different. A girl I used to know called off an amazing relationship because her boyfriend does not like going to the cinemas and social functions. My take is, if there was a lesson we all learned from when we were growing up, it was that we are all different people with different characteristics and perspectives, but some people seem to have trouble applying that lesson to relationships.

  1. They Are Not Ready For Marriage

Some of us get into a relationship for just 2 months and we expect our partners to have made up their minds about marriage; and when they don’t, we just walk away, meet someone else, do the same thing and continue the cycle. The truth is some people are ready to settle and looking for a committed relationship, but when you meet someone new, you want to know them to an extent, you want to know their values, their belief system, and you want to know the kind of family you will be marrying into. So, even when you feel serious about spending the rest of your life with someone, they might just need a little more time to make up their minds. My advice is, give your partner a little more time before you break up, especially if the relationship is still under one year.

6. You Had A Fight

Having a row with your partner is as inevitable as life and death. Even the most reasonable people disagree with each other, and the way you resolve your differences can help your relationship climb to new levels. So don’t head for the door at the first sign of a disagreement, instead, try using it as a way to further understand your partner and what makes him or her tick. The only exception to this is, if you’ve broken up and gotten back together several times over petty disagreements and you have tried everything you read up in self-help book you can find and even spoken to your mentors and families, and yet you continue to have the same gut-wrenching fights; that could be a sign you should throw in the towel.

  1. They Still Notice An Attractive Person

Women complain about this a lot, but the truth is, even if we only have eyes for you, every now and then, those eyes might take a second look at a pretty girl walking by, and breaking up solely because of this would be one of the most immature reasons. You should know that capturing a guy’s heart doesn’t mean that you’ve removed his eyes from his head, and even when fully loved up, it’s crazy to think that we have gone blind to the attractiveness of others. Physically attractive people are all around us, on TV, in film and even at social or religious gatherings, so it’s naive to think that these attractive people will go unnoticed. In a good committed relationship, the partners are not cut off to external influences, but they’re mature enough to know that acting on them is a recipe for disaster.

If you disagree with any of those reasons above or you have other to add, kindly do so in the comment section. Thanks and Stay Safe.

 

Christopher Bamidele

Christopher Bamidele

Chris Bamidele is a passionate and unapologetic Nigerian; an amateur writer and aspiring TV director who holds a first degree in Mass Communication, but majored in Radio and TV Broadcasting. He is cool headed, a realist, and an optimist to the core. Chris Bamidele blogs African stories on www.degreatest2.wordpress.com and tweets @degreatest2. He currently lives in Lagos.

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