Sex…Sex… And a Touch of Romance

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SEX!…. SEX!! …. SEX!!!!
There’s almost no day that passes that you don’t get to hear the word!

In the ancient times, the word ‘SEX’ was a sacred one…. And the act itself was even more sacred!
It referred to the coming together of man and woman in an emotional and physical union that involved ‘Coitus’ or ‘Intercourse’!
The purpose was two-fold…. Pleasure and Procreation!

In the world we live in today,the word SeX has been redefined!
I’ve heard phrases like ‘Genital Sex’, ‘Non-Genital Sex’, ‘Oral Sex’, ‘Anal Sex’, ‘Mental Sex’,’phone Sex’, ‘Internet Sex’ , and on and on!
I’ll probably hear ‘facebook sex’ if I listen hard enough!
Even the act of sending sexually suggestive text messages is now known as ‘SeXting’!!

In the fashion circles, If its not SEXy, then its not worthy!!!!

Recently, I came in contact with a lady who just bought some fried Groundnut from a roadside seller!
For no reason, I stopped beside her.
She took a handful of the groundnut, put in her mouth, closed her eyes, chewed for a while ,shook her head, and with a smile of satisfaction, she whispered,”SexY”!
I’ve been meditating on that for a while now.

Sex is great and a very important aspect of Relationship (Marriage). It is Important however to know and understand that most people would never reach the sex portion of their relationships or experience the pleasure thereof if not for the sensual caresses that led to that point.
In a relationship where both people are emotionally and physically attracted to each other, it is important to show Affection.
There are several ways to do this, but caressing may be the most affective.

To CARESS someone is to show them how you care for them, how special they are, and a simple way of communicating love or strong liking.
The soft touch at the nape of the neck… The slight caress with your fingers across a man’s wrist… A man moving his fingers ever so gently up a woman’s leg… The soft touch on a man’s check right before a kiss… The light touch on a woman’s lower back arch as you hold a door open for her…lightly holding her waist as you walk together…. Moving a wisp of hair away from someone’s forehead while looking passionately into their eyes.

Without these sensual caresses, the sexual act becomes just what the name suggests.. An ACT!
The phrase ‘Love making’ which was initially supposed to refer to the depth of love and passion en-shrouded in sex , then becomes meaningless and inconsequential. And Oh…. How very many marriages and relationships are destroyed because of some of these things!

We must treat our partners similar to the way we treat a car.
You would never drive your car without warming it up or making sure it has its proper oil change. Otherwise the car wouldn’t act as good as you would want it. In some cases, the car would actually ‘konk’ out on you in the middle of the road. Well your partner if not handled in the right way, can also ‘konk’ out.
Sensual caresses will get you to where you want to go!

Caressing does not just mean physical contact. In fact, a very seductive form of caressing can be done with the eyes.
Taking a long and deep look into your partner’s eyes will make them feel special, and will most likely lead to them wanting to be caressed by you… or they may want to caress you.
An easy way to begin caressing someone is through a hug. Rub their back affectionately, and slowly make your way to their shoulders. There, use your fingers to gently run across their skin, then up and down their arms.
Look into their eyes (do not glance away), and cup their face with one of your hands.
Use your thumbs to caress their cheeks. Next, use your index finger to softly touch their lips. From here, you can feel other parts of their face, and use both hands if they seem to enjoy that. The Key point is to be creative and Imaginative!
Another way to caress your partner has to do with just hands. You can glide your fingers across their palms and through their fingers, and can also do this as though it was tickling. The great thing about this is that it can be done in public. No, it is not the disgusting thing people call “hand sex”, it is simply caressing your partner’s hands.

Many a time, our religious views and inclinations make us rigid and leave us Frigid!!
We need to remember that God authored Sex and Sexuality!
Have you ever considered who it was that probably taught Adam how to make love to His wife Eve?!
Some say it came instinctively… But I say,’God TUTORED Adam’! God is definitely GOOD!!!
So sex and the romance and Sexuality that surrounds it are not dirty or unclean as some of our mental pictures depict!

Where then does ROMANCE come in? My definition of a Romantic man or woman is one who has taken the Art of Caressing(physical and non physical, Verbal and non verbal) and made it into a way of life!
Sex doesn’t spice up a relationship, Romance does!
So for the ladies(unmarried), when one of these men tells you that having sex is the proof of love for him, tell him that he can be more romantic than that!
I think we men are much more guilty…. Knowing that the women need love and care to function!
Actually, the truth is that MEN NEED SEX…. WOMEN NEED LOVE!
If you give your woman Love, she’ll give you herself and be happy doing it!!!!
EvEn the bible confirms it.
I always wondered why Paul the apostle said..”Men LOVE your wives” but to the women he said,”Women, RESPECT/SUBMIT TO your husbands”!
Well… There’s your answer right there!
Paul was literally saying,’Women, when your Man(husband) wants it, give him some (even if u don’t really feel like having some) as long as HE gives you enough love and tender Care to make you happy’!

Men make the mistake of thinking the woman wants what he wants.
They climb up… Get in…. Huff and puff…. And before the woman can say ‘COME’… He has screamed her name (or another lady’s name as the case may be)….. Slumps, gets down with a satisfied smile…. and starts snoring!!!!!!!.
Sometimes, just before dozing off, He may even turn and ask her ‘How was it’? .
If only he could read her mind behind the fake smile, he’ll probably see a writeup like ‘GO TO HELL’!
He ends up Leaving the woman at the side of the mountain and yet feeling like an achiever…..
While the lady lies there feeling like a used sex object! How naïve we men are!
And we still wonder why statistics show that a lot of women fake orgasms! Who’s fault?!

Once a man has an Erection…. All he thinks about is how to have an orgasm…… And whether he Masturbates …. Or has his Woman stimulate him orally….. Or has actual coital sex ….. The difference to him is not much!!!!!
Little wonder that the average man can have sex with any lady…. Even the one he feels absolutely Nothing For(ladies take note)!!!!!!!

But for the woman…. The sexual act is like the icing on a beautiful and very well made cake!
Without the icing, the cake is already good…… So she actually doesn’t need the icing but she doesn’t mind it!!!!!!
For the man……. There’s NO FREAKING CAKE WiTHOUT ICING!!!!
To a woman…… Romance is  Everything…….
The tender touch……..  The gentle caress…… That look in the mans eye that tells her she’s everything (even if she’s not)….. The tender hug…… The feel of the one she loves close to her……. Those little surprise gifts…….. Calling at odd hours just to show she’s on your mind………nibbling her ears…. Whispering words of care and encouragement ……. Taking walks together with her……. Cuddling her (Gosh!….and  A woman really needs to be cuddled).
An average woman would trade the actual Sexual intercourse for a few minutes of lying beside her man, with his arms around her, under the clear starry sky…. Feeling his heart beat erratically as it tries to synchronise with hers….. Staring into his eyes as he stares at the skies….. Knowing that the most beautiful stars she’ll ever see will be the reflections in his eyes!
These things can make a woman have more orgasms than the frequency of your Stroke or the length of your Rod(although I do remember a wise man saying,”..thy ROD and thy STAFF, they comfort me”)… The rod is important too!

Men….Let’s look away from us…… Focus on the women……. Let’s be less selfish!
A man climbs the mountain faster and comes down immediately!
A woman takes longer to climb but when she gets there…..When she does get there, she’ll probably start singing Aladdin’s theme Song,”A WHOLE NEW WORLD”….. And she stays there for much longer!!!!!!
We men should carry our women up that mountain.
She feeds on your caresses… She craves your touch!

A woman’s body is the Greatest and most amazing of all God’s creation!  It is like a Treasure Map, The Treasure Island and The Treasure all in on one!
Study her… Discover and uncover the hidden treasure in her!
Concentrate on giving her pleasure….. Find the erogenous parts of her body……. Kiss her lips….. Her ears… Trail ur hands down her spine…. Caress her breasts…. The nipples have a whole lot of nerves making them very sensitive! Caress them with ur fingers and your tongue……
By the time you’ve found your way to the Flowery centre of her womanhood flowing with the sweet Nectar of her feminine essence, she’ll probably be calling her own name backwards!
Unlock the codes for those Hidden buttons that when adequately pressed, will make her call your name in her dreams!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Remember…… SeX is an ACT…… SedUCTioN Is An ART!!!…….. But ROMaNCE Is EvErYthinG!!!!!

Doctor Val

Doctor Val

Dr Valentine Ikenna Oje is a real life medical doctor with a passion for God and an irresistible sense of humor. He is a Registrar in the department of Community Medicine, Federal Teaching Hospital Abakaliki, Ebonyi State, Nigeria. He is married to the most beautiful woman in the world and they're about to be blessed with their first set of twin sons.


  1. Hmmmmmmm…..very true. Many lessons learnt… Wives pass it on….everyone pass to ur friends…. WELL WRITTEN..

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