Things get fucking hard (excuse my French), immediately after you just lost that special one. I have been through the hardest break-ups in my life and I make bold to say that it is not the easiest thing in the world.
It is hard, very hard and sometimes all you want to do is lie down on your bed forever and hope the moment will just disappear in an instant.
But it won’t, at least not in an instant.
It will take time, sometimes, a very long time and you just have to be strong while this moment passes.
But while you are waiting for this moment to pass, there are some things you will most probably feel like doing that you should not do. That is because, you will feel worse after you do these things.
BEGGING HIM/HER TO COME BACK. If your relationship is over for real and nothing has been able to salvage whatever you had going on before, then under no circumstance should you pick up your phone and beg the person to come back.
You will feel like it. The truth is, you will miss them badly, want them close and feel like it every time of the day but think of how you will also feel when you get the rejection you are most likely to get. Would you want that? Wouldn’t you just stick with being this way for a short while and smile later?
UNDER EATING. Sometimes, when your heart is broken, your mouth goes on leave too. Then all you want to do is drown in the cascading waters of your tears, neglect food and long for the person who dumped you.
But have you realized that you cannot stay without food for long without becoming deluded and acting slow? Abi is this person worth the Ulcer you might get from your hunger strike? Let’s even say you won’t get ulcer, you really want to go hungry because your heart is broken? Really?
No wahala, as long as those really hungry kids on the street get the food, then no problem.
- Some people won’t neglect food during this period; rather they will embrace food and make it their best friend and soul mate. They would eat ice cream and cake and chocolate and everything in sight and this brings some sort of temporary satisfaction (if they don’t end up on the toilet seat a couple of hours later) until they become bloated/feel unhealthy and the heartache is still there.
Just like undereating doesn’t solve your problems, overeating doesn’t either.
SHUTTING YOURSELF OUT. Nobody is asking you to come out and wear a fake smile while you tell the whole world all is well when all is clearly not well. However, you cannot stay indoor while you draw in the curtains and wallow in your misery. Yes, shut yourself out for a while, cry if you think it would help and feel every emotion you want to feel without holding yourself back but don’t indulge yourself by staying in that room forever. At some point, you will have to be strong and move on.
TELLING YOURSELF IT IS OVER. You will feel like it is over but don’t act upon it. This thing hurts and anybody who tells you it is not worth it is just being silly because deep down, we all know this thing freaking hurts.
Like I always say, when you are heartbroken, it is okay to feel suicidal. People will tell you “because of ordinary man” or “because of ordinary woman” but the truth is, when they go through the same thing, they will realize how hard it is to be in that place.
So allow yourself to feel things and even be suicidal but what truly matters is that you don’t act on the suicidal feeling. My last heartbreak had me Googling various ways to commit suicide and I don’t feel ashamed for it, not even when some of my friends thought I was insane.
Don’t be afraid to feel these things just know that one day you will wake up feeling better and you will be stronger for it. And the only way this can happen is by not ending your life and dreams and by telling yourself that though it may be hard, it is certainly not over.