I DO, OR NOT…
Over the years, the idea of living, style of music, mode of dressing and relationships in this part of the world have been heavily influenced by the western world.
This might be largely due to the fact that they are more advanced and they have a very powerful way of portraying their lifestyle through the media or the fact that the average African just believes to be posh, you have to be westernized in one way or the other.
Whatever the case is, our hair, our dressing, our taste in music and movies and every area of our lives have been influenced by these guys… every area, including Marriage.
Nigerian men were known to be polygamous in nature in the past; it was not such a strange thing to have a man with four wives and children as large as the population of Sao Tome and Principe.
But that changed and westernization brought about the idea of One man, One wife and gradually, we embraced that and now polygamy is almost in extinction.
Guess what might also be going into extinction soon? The idea of Marriage.
I have met men (tons of them), who simply want to procreate and live the rest of their lives being someone’s baby daddy without committing their lives to the person. Now I don’t know how these guys intend to pull it off or if they will eventually pull it off, but the truth is, the idea is somehow coming to rest in the average Naija guy’s mind.
I am going to sit on the fence with this one and leave you guys to decide on whichever one you think is better, but I will give the reasons why staying single or married is a good idea.
- It is the best environment to raise kids; tested and trusted. Welcome to the era where you don’t have to be married to be a Dad or a Mom, an era where Celebs have endorsed it and made it look appealing, an era where it is simply not a biggie anymore and it is fast becoming the trend (guys I am running out of fingers counting the number of unmarried Naija celebs with kids). But guess what? No matter how appealing these guys make it look, having a structured family is still the best place to raise kids.
- Companionship. You don’t have to be married to have a companion who will be there for you, but you have to be married to have a companion who will be there for you forever. While marriage isn’t a guarantee that someone will be yours forever, it is a surer guarantee than when you are not unmarried. Those vows have got to mean something guys!
- Guys, marriage makes you more attractive and wanted. Women naturally get attracted to men that are taken, don’t ask me how or why but this is actually a fact. Being wanted boosts your ego and self-worth and who doesn’t want that from time to time?
- Married men get more sex. I have read and heard this in a million and one places and apparently it is a proven fact, supported by numerous studies. You get to have some every time you want some (maybe not every time but you gerrit abi?) so why aren’t you married already?
- Split responsibility. This never happens with single men. Your girlfriend might be nice enough to buy you gifts once in a while and help with a few things in your house but it takes a wife to actually split costs, bills and responsibilities with you.
- Married men get better sex. Apart from getting some, you get quality some. Get it? Okay, here it is, your woman knows your needs, she knows your body, she is living for that and more, and believe me, she wants to please you because she doesn’t want an assistant in that department. This means she will go all the way for and with you, the way a single man’s girl probably wouldn’t.
- Married men are happier and better men. The girlfriend or Friends with Benefits drama is replaced by a loving and caring partner’s presence, you tend to be happier and calmer. Your wife will always push you to achieve better and bigger (assuming you were smart enough to marry the right woman), thereby making you a better man than you ever thought you could be.
- You say “I do” and your freedom card is lost… forever! Men love variety, from the buxom beauty to the slim sexy girl to the hot chick with tiny waist, men simply love variety but you see, the moment you are hitched, then you are really hitched, no more of the fun life, no more varsities. No more.
- Your partner will lose her hawtness. Women are more likely to gain weight when married than when single, studies have shown that this is due to marital bliss; being happy and relaxed that nothing else matters, not even checking your weight. Most people have attributed this to child bearing, but even women without kids yet are almost as likely to lose their hot bodies in the first few years of marriage and give in to a big tummy and an unflattering shape. Do you really want that? Especially since you will long for your freedom card but will never be able to have it again?
- Marriage costs you a whole lot. And I am not talking the commitment and effort here, I am talking cash… ego, kudi, owo. Do you have any idea what it takes to have the wedding of your taste in the present day Naija while trying to satisfy your guests? Do you? Okay, I don’t either. But I know it costs shitload of money.
- When you get married, you simply can’t be spontaneous anymore. The trip to Greece or the trip to Paris or Rome that you would have taken whenever and however you wanted it before you became a married man is now very impossible. Not because you can’t convince your wife to abandon the home, her job, her babies for a few weeks while you do something on impulse, but because you can’t convince your wife to abandon the home, her job, her babies for a few weeks while you do something on impulse without a long Fela Durotoye speech (which won’t work by the way).
- You have to compromise, like every other time. If you love doing what you love when you love it, this won’t work for you. Because you will constantly have to put her in mind and not do some things because she is not fine with it. Who needs all that wahala when you can just have your life to yourself?
- Marriage does not guarantee you constant sex. Because you see, sometimes she will not be in the mood or would be too tired or just wants you to keep it short (and I am not talking quickies here) and this will happen a lot and guess what? You are married and you cannot push for it the way you would when you were single, neither would you be able to go look for some with a random chic in a random place.
- Marriage is not a guarantee for forever. Oh yes, you both took the vows in front of the priest and in front of relatives and mogbo mo ya peeps but whoever said those vows will bind forever? That there won’t be a shipwreck worse than the titanic in some years and that you won’t be single again? This time miserable and bitter. Who wants the wahala of divorce and the issues that come with it especially when it involves kids? Flying solo all the way!
There we have it! Which one are you going to be? Against or For?