GETTING OVER THE EX (MY PERSONAL STORY)
Getting over someone you’re in love with or someone you both planned to spend the rest of your lives together, is quite possibly one of the hardest things you will ever have to go through in life; but it happens because everyone suffers heartbreak, some for the first time and others for several times in a row, and at some point or the other, we all have to go through it, no matter how unpleasant. And while relationship experts and maybe websites might have talked about step by step ways of getting over an ex-partner, and many of us have actually tried them but they didn’t work, you must know it is not because they are wrong with their approach, but it might just be that your experience is unique; and as I believe, no two relationships are exactly alike even if they seem so. Therefore, it could be difficult sometimes if you want to apply things you read somewhere in a book or heard someone say while going through your personal healing process.
So today, I’m sharing how I got over my worst heartbreak ever and maybe, just maybe if you take same steps, they might work for you; but if not, simply find what works for you from within and before you know it, you are on your way to that happy and bubbly life you once had before you got your precious heart broken. But before I tell you what I did and did not do, let me give you the background story of the relationship and the breakup, so you will understand why it was that easy/hard for me to succeed with those actions.
In 2011, I fell in love with this babe and was thinking of getting married; though I had not proposed, I was in the process of doing so, as she was well known to all my family members and I had also met some of hers. She lived outside Lagos (about 4 hours journey by road) and my job then wasn’t allowing me much time to see her but I was always finding time to travel down most weekends and come back to Lagos same day or the next. Then I got lucky in 2012, I got an offer from an airline and my (JD) was going to give me more time off work- I took the job, got a bigger apartment few months after, and secretly started looking for a good ring to propose. But it wasn’t long after I took the new job from the airline, that the airline started having problems and we were just working without being paid for 3 months until the airline eventually stopped operations. I won’t go into details of what happened or how it happened because that’s not the gist; the gist is she broke up with me on phone for a reason that had nothing to do directly with me or something I did wrong, and got married to some other dude 5 months after. So, what did I do? How did I get over my worst heartbreak?
- I Cried My Eyes Out
Throughout the whole process of trying to plead with her to come back, trying to find out what happened, and trying to involve family members, but nothing worked; I cried – oh I did. So, guys, stop forming ‘baddest guy ever liveth’ and bottling things up; you need to know that it is not a bad thing to let the tears flow, it is not a sign of being weak, it is just letting out your emotions, and trust me sometimes, you will need to let out the emotions. So, grab a bucket, a face towel, and cry if you MUST!
- I Talked To Someone/People
I eventually stopped crying and mentally listed few people I was free with to an extent, and the list included my kid sister and few of my colleagues; I spoke to them about my feelings, about my ex and about the break-up. And do you know what they all told me? “Don’t worry, you will be fine, there is someone better out there waiting for you…” You may be thinking and asking yourself ‘how will this help me?’ well, the opposite of that is keeping things to yourself, listening to sad songs all day and night on your phone, starve yourself probably and die in silence while the rest of the world moves on, So you see? You have a choice, make it. But in sharing your feelings, make sure you do NOT talk about it to mutual friends that are closer to your ex than they are to you.
- I Discarded Things/Objects That Reminded Me So Much Of Her
Not all of us might be able to do this, but I had to discard my Blackberry, I gave it out. Since we were not living in the same town, and I didn’t carry her picture with me everywhere because I never used a wallet; 80% of the pictures on my blackberry were hers and she was permanently on my BB display picture all day long. Sometimes, I would change her pictures more than 10 times in day – Chei! This boy was really in love. Anyways, I deleted all the pictures except one, and to avoid answering questions all day long from the ‘gbeboruns’ and ‘gbefilas’ on my bb as to why I no longer use her pictures like I used to do, I opted to give my Blackberry out and I stayed with my Nokia torchlight for a long while.
- I Cut Down Communication; I Dealt With The Social Media
Some of you might think this is childish, but I reduced the calls and had to delete my Facebook account totally, I didn’t want to unfriend her on Facebook and be viewed as immature and all of that, and she wasn’t on twitter, so I let all my 4000+ Facebook friends go, alongside our romantic pictures and everything. I felt in doing that, I would not be able to comment, read her updates or answer any random Facebook friend who might want to ask me about my girlfriend. I had already spoken to selected family members and friends; I didn’t want to speak any further on social media. But please, I’m not saying you two should become enemies, as some people would still always have a soft spot for their exes; know that this is okay, but accept that a soft spot is all it can be, and don’t beat yourself up about it, also don’t go around stalking them and ranting on social media thereby embarrassing yourself.
- I Respected Her Choice
After I tried severally to convince her that things might still work out, and begged for months, to at least have a sit-down discussion with her so we could iron things out and she bluntly refused, I respected her choice of not wanting to be with me anymore and accepted that she was probably happier without me. Though, it was painful, I understood that she could have her opinion and could do whatever she wanted because it was ultimately her life.
- I Admitted To Myself How I Was Feeling
I didn’t lie to myself that I was fine, and I didn’t wave the heartbreak off by saying ‘good riddance to bad rubbish’ I also didn’t tell myself I was over her when I wasn’t, didn’t bad-mouth her, didn’t call her a bitch and a loser; but diligently went through all the process of healing like a gentle boy that I am, and today I am perfectly fine, and currently in another great and exciting relationship.
- I Make Lemonade Out Of Lemons – Picked Up A Hobby
While you are trying to get over your ex, try your hands on something new, go to the gym, learn how to swim, learn some creative things; just do something. Believe it or not, I started blogging/writing while I was trying to heal from that heartbreak. I had plenty of free time on my hands as I didn’t have a job and a girlfriend, so I started writing my first ever blog-posts and fiction story ‘Places In My Dreams’ which got commendations from thousands of readers and is about to be turned into a book. So you see, something good came out of my being alone and ‘sad’ – I made lemonade out of the lemons.
In conclusion, I know most of these things are easier said than done, but try and get through the pain, don’t feel sorry for yourself, don’t wallow in misery, and NEVER lose sight of the BIG picture which is – YOUR HAPPINESS